AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

[EagerHelper]

My sons are in their 30s so maybe I’m misremembering, hence this post to get some feedback from parents with younger kids.

My niece is 12 in a few weeks, and I was asking her what she wanted for her birthday. I mentioned something she might like and she said “no I think I might ask for that for Christmas”, which got us on to the subject of Christmas. I told her how oldest son wrote to Santa but didn’t tell me, then when he didn’t get the requested gift that’s how he found out Santa wasn’t real.

Niece just carried on chatting but her mother (SIL) was staring daggers at me and they left shortly after.

I then got an angry message from her saying niece still believes in Santa (and the tooth fairy apparently) and I’ve ruined things.

I was very apologetic, but it would never have occurred to me that an almost 12 year old would still believe.

Is this still common at that age? I’m pretty sure my sons stopped believing at about the age of 8 at the latest.

I remember finding teeth in my mums draw and going to tell my dad all concerned she was some kind of freak or that she was having a breakdown 😭. He put my concerns to bed after he’d almost given himself and asthma attack laughing.

I think it's disgusting that people think it's ok to lie to their kids their entire life until they're "found out" under the pretext of keeping everything magical.
Life is magical anyway. I never brought my son up on that basis. He still gets a Christmas stocking as does every person in the house on Christmas Eve but he's always known Santa embodies the spirit of Christmas and isn't a real person.

I remember being 12 and the dentist asking "Was Santa good to you this year?" It's silly, but I was quite put out that she would think I still believed in Santa at 12. So I sympathize, OP, you can't win.

I’m a fully grown man and still believe in Santa!

Never assume!!

I am actually shocked at how miserable the amount of people and comments on this thread. My daughter is 12 and whilst I don’t think she believes anymore we have never had that conversation, we talk like she does. I would be furious if anyone explicitly told her that Santa wasn’t real, who are you to ruin the magic of Christmas for anyone else’s kids and family traditions. For those comments questioning how intelligent a child must be if they do still believe in the magic of Christmas my daughter is at a highly competitive grammar school, top of her class, is not neurodivergent, she just has an imagination. She actually debated as part of her debate club team that Santa was real in front of her school. I am glad with all the misery that is in this world that at Christmas time we can lost in the magic of Christmas and the what ifs.
I just don’t know why you would ever explicitly have that conversation with anyone who isn’t an adult. I think some of you need to watch Miracle on 34th street to understand.

Well it is, believing something you have been told with no proof is the exact same.

You're in the wrong for assuming. I wouldn't dareeee say that to someone else's child!

I think most likely the child already knew but I think it's best to avoid that kind of discussion with a child unless you know for sure that they don't believe. If, for whatever reason, the child did still believe in Santa, then it won't have been the nicest way to find out.

The point I was making was that children who believe in Father Christmas do not do so because they have wonderful imaginations.
Imagining something and believing in something are not the same.
Someone then asked if that meant I thought everyone who believed in religion was stupid. I don’t know why they thought that’s what I meant - it doesn’t follow at all. I’m not religious but I have heard people talking about having faith - a certainty that there is something greater, beyond our comprehension - and it is not comparable with believing in Father Christmas.

Absolutely this. She must have been pretending. My own dc figured out by age 5. Asked me why does Santa look different on tv, books and can be everywhere, he can’t be real. So I told the truth and we all now pretend.

Probably to " protect" the younger ones 8 year old DGC told me last Xmas that he knows Santa isn't real but have to pretend for his baby brother

What a clown 🤡 you are to be so furious over this. A 12yo is a BIG child. Some people really need to get a grip

I did wonder why you'd keep them lol.

Of course no adults believe in a supernatural being with whom there are consequences should you not behave according to certain moral codes - that would just be silly 🤔😃

I do find it ridiculous how fanatical some parents are about their kids believing in Santa. Its weird. Christmas is magical and great whether kids believe or not ( I was a child who never believed and still loved the magical feel of Christmas). It really doesn't matter if your kid thinks Santa is real or not. They will still love Christmas.

Like I said some very miserable people on this thread, what a horrible existence you must have. Maybe cheer up a bit

Furious 🙄 This is exactly the sort of ridiculousness I was talking about.

Your Christmas will still be magical and great whether your child believes Santa literally exists or not.

Its almost pathological to have this level of obsession about the belief in a literal Santa.

And being furious with people for having normal conversations without deference to a belief they won't even know you are pretending is real, is just, well, daft.

To be fair, you are the one coming across as extremely miserable.

Because you have made your happiness contingent on the rest of the world colluding in this one specific belief. Or else your fun is ruined, or so you have convinced yourself.

Such fragility is a highway to misery. As you are demonstrating quite well.

If you read my post it says I seriously doubt my 12 year old still believes in the man “Father Christmas”, but she believes in the magic of Christmas, much in the way it is portrayed in Miracle on 34th street. Maybe I should have been more explicit, many kids and adults will have had the conversation with her about the man Father Christmas being not real which at her age I would expect. But I would be furious if her auntie or another relative sat explicitly telling her that, no he is not real. Which is obvious from the post the child already knew, but why go out of your way to do this when it’s just not needed. I think there is so little magic left in the world what is the harm in everyone pretending there is a bit of magic? No everyone doesn’t have to think that way, but surely her auntie should have known, it feels more like this poster was trying to get one over on her sis in law than anything.

Father Christmas is not the only joy in my life, I have numerous! Debating on mumsnet about what’s acceptable for people to discuss with their young nieces is obviously not one of those joys, so I’ll leave it there…

Agree. And how much longer you need to lie to keep the whole charade going. You can enjoy life and Christmas without continuing this so long. Kids would have got told by the rest of the class when I was growing up.

It really doesn't feel like that at all. It read like OP was having a normal conversation about choosing presents. In which an anecdote came up. If you know your child probably doesn't believe but likes the magic surrounding Christmas, which was me in my childhood, and you acknowledge others will have had conversations with your daughter too, I don't see why this conversation OP had would bother you at all, if someone had it with your daughter.

I’m a mum of kids nearer to your niece’s age and I think it’s probably a sensitivity issue on your part… in honesty she probably understands Santa isn’t real, I think my child knows this too, but we all enjoy getting caught up in the magic at Christmas so there’s probably a willing suspension of disbelief. The types of stories you were telling your niece (explicitly saying Santa’s not real) I’d probably reserve for older kids/adults. It’s also possible that if your niece is the baby of the family with older siblings, your SIL is hanging onto the last of the childhood magic before they’re all teens. Either way, as many, many apps have said, it’s probably best not to bring up this subject matter with children.

Had a similar experience with my nephew. Mum gave me the nth degree. I think I started to have doubts about Santa when I was 6 years old.