AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

[EagerHelper]

My sons are in their 30s so maybe I’m misremembering, hence this post to get some feedback from parents with younger kids.

My niece is 12 in a few weeks, and I was asking her what she wanted for her birthday. I mentioned something she might like and she said “no I think I might ask for that for Christmas”, which got us on to the subject of Christmas. I told her how oldest son wrote to Santa but didn’t tell me, then when he didn’t get the requested gift that’s how he found out Santa wasn’t real.

Niece just carried on chatting but her mother (SIL) was staring daggers at me and they left shortly after.

I then got an angry message from her saying niece still believes in Santa (and the tooth fairy apparently) and I’ve ruined things.

I was very apologetic, but it would never have occurred to me that an almost 12 year old would still believe.

Is this still common at that age? I’m pretty sure my sons stopped believing at about the age of 8 at the latest.

My 12 year old is questioning it now. Some of my friends had to tell their kids at 13, both were devastated

11 turning 12 is still primary though? It doesn’t seem that outlandish to just not discuss Santa not being real with a primary aged that isn’t yours.
I mean I just don’t see why you would need to bring it up.

My eldest is 13 and still believes, he knows i buy most of the presents but he still thinks he gets one from santa. I'm going to let my kids believe for as long as they want. It just adds to that Christmas spirit

Not really tbh. But I just as a rule don't mention it unless someone else does first...

Its a weird one....My kids(17 & 13) basically share looks when I mention Santa.
BUT, if they don't get their Santa letter they mention it. I think they have appreciated the magic. But my youngest didn't even let on anything until last Xmas, that he didn't really believe in the BEING Santa, but he understands a meaning behind it.

But you said always, without indicating any kind of age. There are people even on this thread with secondary-aged children who do/did believe, so what age would you say is objectively 'old enough'?

I don't think you were unreasonable. Surely the 12 year old mixes with other children who'd have confirmed Santa isn't real?

We had to tell my youngest when she was 11 and off to secondary school BUT she had 3 older siblings all telling her that Santa was real 🤣 she wasn’t shocked just disappointed that when she had kids she would have to pay for all the presents 😆

It is funny how one of the main things we tell our children is not to lie but then we spend their entire childhoods perpetuating one..
Maybe it's a life lesson in your formative years that even your parents will (depending on the circumstances) lie to you for years?

Are they junior age 11 or senior school 11 year old? If junior school, then some do believe (although know it may not be true). The parents need to have a discussion with her before she blurts out something and gets teased.

Santa only brought a small stocking here. All presents from named people so giving thanks wasn't an issue.

I do wonder if because it was low key is the reason she believed for longer, though she is also ND.

Of course she knows at 12. It would be a bit worrying if she didn’t. She’s probably just playing a long with your SIL fir some reason.

But even if it's only a small stocking, somebody still bought it and wasn't thanked by the recipient.

Holding a door open for somebody is only a tiny little gesture, but polite people still make sure to say thank you.

Yeah I'm sure I never actually believed in Santa in any meaningful sense. It's clearly physically impossible what he's supposed to get up to on one night! It was always just a nice story. I'm pretty sure no kid above about 6 maximum would think it's true?

Wait... WTF... what do you mean he's not real? 👀

I find this attitude so odd. You can choose to lie to your kids if you want, I don’t have to go along with it, and it’s insane to assume that every adult out there is going to.

11 turning 12 is either a young year 7 already (secondary) or an older year 6 who is about to go to secondary!

I would never assume that a 12 year old does not believe. A neighbour of our had to tell their near 13 years old that there was no santa. She was babied very much but thankfully they told her before secondary school.

I assume all people believe in Father Christmas because wtf he's absolutely real. I would never mention anything ,in exactly the same way I follow the advice to never ask somebody if they are pregnant unless I saw a head emerging from their vagina.

I think you’re unreasonable tbh, my 11yo definitely knows but he plays the game

Why do people want their children over the age of 5 or 6 to believe? It’s ridiculous. And totally self indulgent on the part of the parents. Makes me so angry!

The rest of the world has literally zero interest in your family rules, beliefs and customs. If you dont want your children exposed to normal conversation, best keep them locked up at home or remind them never to interact with anybody but you and members of your immediate family.

Never assume. My 13yo believes (or at the very least, pretends very strongly that she does! I genuinely have no idea so I continue to go along with it)

YANBU

I don’t remember any of my friends still believing in santa when i got to secondary school.

I would be like you and assume they knew he wasn’t real.

I wonder if some kids keep their parents thinking that they believe, as they think the presents might stop otherwise.

The mum of my then 11 year olds friend told my DD outright and I was really pissed off with her. I think there is a limbo period of a couple of years that on some level they know but they don’t want to openly acknowledge it as then it completely kills the dream IYKWIM. The parent might have gone to some lengths to keep it alive. You just don’t know.

You should never just assume. Yes it’s a bit old but she’s not 15 and every person is different.