Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel shocked my 23-year-old daughter is marrying?

758 replies

SlothsRUs · 24/06/2026 11:29

My 23 year old daughter has just announced that she is getting married next year.

I am completely shocked.

Surely it’s not normal anymore to marry that early.

I tried to be joyous and congratulate her but would you be happy?

I want to know why she wants to marry this young.

I know she is an adult and what she does is nothing to do with me but I am really shocked.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · Yesterday 15:05

I honestly don’t think I’ve changed much at all since my early 20s. Ive obviously had a lot more experiences over the last 45 years since I got married, but I still think the same way about everything I can think of, have the same political views, exactly the same musical taste as when I was 13, and the same taste in food, clothes, my appearance, and I think overall, Im exactly the same person thst my husband married in 1980. I don’t actually think he has changed much either.

Ive only ever seen marriage as a positive thing, if you’re marrying because you love someone and most definitely didn’t get married for any other reason than I loved my husband and wanted to commit myself to him for the rest of my life.

Thechaseison71 · Yesterday 15:05

AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle · Yesterday 14:58

But I'm a very different person at nearly 50 than I was at nearly 40. If I'd waited another 16 years before marrying, I'd still be in the same position now.

We all change constantly throughout our lives, whatever age we are. It's just our personal choice as to whom (if anybody) we want to commit to sharing our lives and going through those changes with.

I just don't get why so many people seem to see marriage as a purely negative thing - that you grudgingly feel you have to do for practical reasons.

I should have read what Thechaseison71 said more carefully - we made pretty much the identical point!

Edited
Show quote history

Only your typing was better ( just seen errors lol) but yes it's the same point

GreatFish · Yesterday 19:29

Worked for me.

Copper80 · Today 11:26

why are you shocked? She is marrying the love of her life. It’s her choice. Their relationship has nothing to do with you. As her mum you just need to be there.

TheSquareMile · Today 11:31

@SlothsRUs

Is her fiancé her age, OP?

Are they buying a property together?

ToiletKaren · Today 11:47

In your twenties you have so many possible roads ahead of you - committing through marriage to someone else narrows these roads down massively. Decisions from then on need to be "we" not "me" and you can bet the ones that are more advantageous to the man will usually be prioritised.
That doesn't mean being any less happy of course, but it is less free

AWomanOfWealthAndTaste · Today 11:50

ToiletKaren · Today 11:47

In your twenties you have so many possible roads ahead of you - committing through marriage to someone else narrows these roads down massively. Decisions from then on need to be "we" not "me" and you can bet the ones that are more advantageous to the man will usually be prioritised.
That doesn't mean being any less happy of course, but it is less free

This is true, but it's also the case for the long term cohabitation that OP was suggesting as an alternative. It's just the nature of being in a committed relationship.

BlackCatBea · Today 14:21

I suppose it could be a long engagement? I met my DH at 26, baby at 28 married at 29 (6 years ago) so I don’t think it’s too you really if she plans for a wedding in say 2-3 years?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread