AIBU to feel shocked my 23-year-old daughter is marrying?

[SlothsRUs]

My 23 year old daughter has just announced that she is getting married next year.

I am completely shocked.

Surely it’s not normal anymore to marry that early.

I tried to be joyous and congratulate her but would you be happy?

I want to know why she wants to marry this young.

I know she is an adult and what she does is nothing to do with me but I am really shocked.

My dd is 23, she has a friend who is getting married this summer and someone else from school got married a couple of months ago. Dd thinks it’s ridiculous because they are so young. She lives with her boyfriend so it’s not being in a relationship that she objects to, just the idea of getting married young.

I'm really surprised at the answers here - I would be shocked too. I think that's quite young to get married - you're still evolving into the person you're going to be at that age.

More like 40-50 years ago @Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee. Honestly, I remember the 1990's well :-).

What's the difference in cohabitation and marriage as far as that is concerned

It really wasn’t normal 30 years ago.
A friend’s sister got engaged when she was in her early 20s (30 years ago) and we all thought she was mad. My friend hated her sister’s fiancée for ruining her sister’s youth. The guy she ended up marrying was a complete loser and dragged the sister down with him. They broke up leaving her a single mother with three kids.

I'd also add... I do wonder how many of the people saying it's fine are parents to young adults? I am and they're all wonderful young people but ready to marry they are definitely not.

(Neither was I at that age either tbh. I met my now husband when we were quite young but didn't marry until our late 20s. We're very happy and were always very careful not to stop each other turning down opportunities - but it really would have been better if we'd met when we were a bit older)

It was deeply uncool to get married when I was 23. We were too busy having fun or going travelling. However most people in my family married in their mid to late twenties. I think an extra few years makes sense for many reasons, including maturity and financial ones, so your shock/surprise doesn’t sound unreasonable to me.

I have a 23 year old and would be far from thrilled. I think there’s so much growing up to do. It might have been different if they had been working since 16 but a year out of uni, I’d be much happier if they had a good 5 years of working and adult life before they make that commitment. My 23 year old has travelled all over the world and has a great job but absolutely doesn’t have the maturity to be married or have a child

It’s fine. I moved out at 23 was engaged at 24. Proper lovely relationship. 23 is fine

Agree but most retrospectively feel it was too young even if they are still married.
Each to their own.
I can understand how OP feels but it works for some.
Best to show support.

I do think it is young but I think the reason young people don't get married now a days is priority but house which is very hard and like to have expensive weddings.
In a way I think it is nice idea, Buck the trend and if they break up married or not similar outcome if they own/don't own a property.
Good luck to her
Nice to see young people aiming for independence

I got married at 21, while still at University so we saved on having to pay for two rooms! Still together 53 years later.

i would explain to her why u think that and ask her just once to think about her responsibilities and choises and if she still feels the same just let her be.

Admittedly, it was in the 70's, but I got married a month after my 21st birthday. We were married for 47 years until I lost him.

How old were you when you married? Maybe she’s pregnant and wants to be married before she has the little one.

I got married at 21 , we met at 16 and 17 and have been happily married for over 50 years . Marriage is hard work , I wish your daughter well

I would be shocked too. There’s zero chance of that happening here!

I met my husband when we were 17, engaged at 22, purchased a house at 25, married at 26. We are now mid 30s with 2 beautiful kids. Nothing wrong with getting engaged in your early 20s if you are serious about your partner :)

She’ll probably be 24/25 if she’s getting married next year which I’d consider ‘mid 20s’
And couples can still travel and have fun surely?

This. A lot of the points people are making would apply equally to being in a long-term/serious relationship or cohabiting with someone.

My DD got married at 23. Her husband is also 23. I didn't see the problem. It's a great age to get married. (Then again, I got married in the 1990s at 18). They've been married five years now and just bought a house.

Are you worried you'll be a grandmother? I also wasn't going to have babies for five years after marriage however, ten months later I was at the hospital giving birth.

When you know,you know.

Wouldn't everyone who has ever got divorced also have thought they "knew"?
This is making me think of the plot of Something Very Bad is Going to Happen!

I got engaged at 22 married at 24. Now 40. Very happily married. 2 kids, 2 dogs!

I think the issue would be if she hadn't known the guy long, they weren't stable, she was vulnerable maybe (like a condition which made her mentally younger than her biological age) or if she was expecting you to pay for it all as its not a long engagement.

So many people leave it late if they want to have a family, young is good if you are lucky enough to find the right person.

What complete nonsense. If that were the case, the divorce rate would be zero.