AIBU to feel shocked my 23-year-old daughter is marrying?

[SlothsRUs]

My 23 year old daughter has just announced that she is getting married next year.

I am completely shocked.

Surely it’s not normal anymore to marry that early.

I tried to be joyous and congratulate her but would you be happy?

I want to know why she wants to marry this young.

I know she is an adult and what she does is nothing to do with me but I am really shocked.

What’s your issue?

Is this a reverse? Why aren’t you happy for her? Do you not like her fiancé?

She isn’t 16. Whilst it isn’t usual nowadays, it isn’t unheard of. The main thing is she’s happy and the fiance is a decent person.

I got married aged 22 and so did some of my friends and relatives.

I was married with two kids at 24, she is a grown adult.

I'm shocked that you are shocked. It's a perfectly normal age to get married. She's already mature enough and not a child. I was 23.

Is she expecting you to pay for it?

If she has the funds and is doing it within her means, crack on.
Has she been with boyfriend a long time? Do they work?

Is it her choice of partner you are worried about? Is she working and able to support herself without getting married?

I got married at 23; now 18 years married, 25 together and have two beautiful children. When you know, you know.

I got married to my DW of 51 years at 21 she was the same age.

I got married at 23. We're still together 40+ years on. What's the problem?

It’s on the young side for today’s average but not weirdly young at all, is there some other factor? Is the guy an arsehole? Did they meet 3 weeks ago?

He seems a really nice guy. They have been together for two and a half years. I do not believe that she had a boyfriend before him.

She is happy with him.

My mother was 20 when she married but surely now 23 is very young to make such a big commitment.

It's a perfect age to get married.

What exactly is shocking you?

How old were you when you made that commitment OP?

If it was the right guy I would be absolutely delighted.

Both of my DDs are a bit younger than yours and both have really lovely boyfriends. If that continued until they were 23 I’d be happy for them to marry.

It’s young by today’s standards but hardly shocking. She presumably knows her own mind. I’m not sure it’s nothing to do with you, you’re her mum and it’s ok to have misgivings but it’s her decision.

Another 23 year old here, we had been together for 6 years…should I have waited?

We hit 16 years of marriage in the summer, we are settled, mortgage almost gone, child is 18. When I look at friends struggling through the world of dating or having children older I definitely feel grateful to have done it early.

I got married at 24. My mother was shocked, sad, miserable, and generally awful in the run up to it. I still got married and am still very happily married 16 years later.
I have never fully forgiven her, and DH certainly hasn’t. Some things cannot be unsaid, but can be proven wrong.

OP, I would not like this either. I don’t know anybody who got married this early. I feel it is a big decision best made later in their 20s. I would hate my 22 year-old daughter to be getting married now. But all you can do is show her love and support as her decision is made. And at least the fiance is nice.

I’m surprised at the answers- I would be rather shocked too- it is young! I think perhaps young people stay in ‘adolescence’ longer than they did 30 or 40 years ago. Certainly most of the early-20s folk I know still have a fair bit of growing up to do.

Having said that, if this was my daughter, I wouldn’t tell her I was shocked. If she had a good job and financial independence, no mental health problems and she and her fiance seemed to be happy together then I would bite my tongue and try my best to be happy for her.

They are reacting against our generations late marriage. Several of my friends twenty somethings the same. Fair enough.

I was married with a couple of wedding anniversaries under my belt by 23 with one toddler round my ankles and another on the way.

over 25 years later still very happy with him and my lovely children and now young enough to be enjoying my life in a different way as my kids are adults!!! And I still have a bit of life snd energy left in me !

everyone does it differently. If she’s happy so be it.

it might last - it might not.

but could be exactly the same if she marries at 35 .

her life - be happy for her.

You've given no information about how financially independent they are or where they are with their careers.

You're coming across in your OP as though you're worried about 'what everyone will think'.

It’s no less a commitment than buying a house and moving in together, or having a child but comes with much more protection. If my DD was in a stable relationship with a nice guy at that age I’d be happy for her to get married.