AIBU to feel shocked my 23-year-old daughter is marrying?

[SlothsRUs]

My 23 year old daughter has just announced that she is getting married next year.

I am completely shocked.

Surely it’s not normal anymore to marry that early.

I tried to be joyous and congratulate her but would you be happy?

I want to know why she wants to marry this young.

I know she is an adult and what she does is nothing to do with me but I am really shocked.

She’s getting married not entering a convent. Why can’t you do all of that, married?

I suppose 24 is quite a bit younger than the average age to get married nowadays, but it's not like she's still a teenager is it? She's a grown woman, well educated, knows her own mind.

I was 18, and still at school, when I got engaged and just 20 when I got married. My sisters married at 18 and 21. We're all still married, almost 50 years later. Young people are capable of making good choices and maintaining lifelong relationships.

I don’t think you are wrong to feel shocked it’s just your reaction. Particularly as it sounds like she is still studying. 23 is young to marry now days. I think most people marry due to wanting children. It sounds like they have a plan as long as they are happy they would be the important part for me.

You can. Amazingly you can also build a career with a ring on your finger. Who knew?

I cannot understand the question. I got married at 21. Are you your sister's keeper? Is she mentally disturbed or unable to make her own decisions for some reason?

My parents were both 20 when they got married and had their 2 children by the time they were 23. They were married until they died of old age. I was married at 20 and a mother at 21. My marriage didn't work out, but it wasn't because of our ages.
It seems your daughter is marrying her first and only love. Good for her.

I think it’s really young OP. To all the posters saying so did they, 40 years ago…the world is so different now. I’d be concerned too. Hope it all works out.

Got together at 18. Married at 22 with a baby on the way. Still with him now at 36.

23 might be regarded as on the young side nowadays,but if you go back several decades,it was nothing unusual to marry in your early twenties,or even your late teens. Indeed,my own DM and Ddad were 21 and 24 respectively when they married in the early 1950s. All my friends in my age group (62/63) were early to mid 20s when they married. Even my own DD who married in 2006,was 23. And I was only 19 when I got married! But the less said about that the better!

As parents it’s our place to be happy for our children and be supportive when they need it, and absolutely not to interfere even when we want to.
I’m lucky, my three adult children are happy and successful and have lovely partners, none married and none intending to be. There have been boy/girlfriends in the past who definitely didn’t float my boat, but I became an expert tongue biter.
So just go with that flow and be thoroughly happy for your daughter.

I got engaged at 23 and married at 25 🤷‍♀️ still together 19 years later and happily married with one DC.

If he is nice and she is happy then not sure what the problem is?

What is so different now? Building a life together is just the same.

I married at 17, husband was in the navy. first daughter just before 19, second at 22. I will have been married 50 yrs in january. so getting married young is a personal thing. Some are ready to get married early in life and some still aren't ready at 50.

If she's in a stable and loving relationship and generally sensible then there's no real issue here, you'll push her away if you're not careful.

I got married at 23 after 3 years dating, still with my husband 9 years later in a happy relationship. I think compatibility and maturity are better indications of whether a marriage will have a good outcome than age.

I was married at 24, divorced at 28. It's not that big of a commitment I guess 🤣. From experience having a kid with someone is the biggest commitment you can make. Then buying a house together. Marriage was an easy one to get rid of, still stuck in limbo with the other two.

I met DH when I was 23 though I wasn't ready to get married for a few years as it did seem very young to me.

YANBU. 23 is very young to get married nowadays. It’s just very unusual. It was normal 30+ years ago. It might work out well for them and I’m sure you hope it does, but you are not being unreasonable to be shocked about it, no.

I got married aged 24 in 2022, we have a daughter now too. We're very happy.

Your reaction is weird

I’m 36, married and been with my partner 19 years. We’ve now got two young kids.

I have absolutely no idea what your issue is.

This really made me laugh. I got married in 2008 at 24. "Different time" my arse. We didn't have a baby until 2018 and had a lovely time travelling before that.

That's the age I married, although had been living common law style for a few years up till that. My parents had got married a year older!

My husband was 23 when we married. My mil cried (not tears of joy) when we told her we’d booked it. 20 years this year. Her disappointment sticks with me still so I would be very careful about showing yours.

Worst case she gets divorced. Honestly it’s her decision, hopefully it will work out and if not well it is what it is.
I got married at 21, first baby at 24. We have three now and been married 21 years.

I’m glad I didn’t marry at that age, I’m so different from my younger self. I understand why you’re shocked.

It’s hard. I know that at 23 I was not very mature relationship-wise and I shudder to imagine being married to any of the men I dated then. But got married very late, at 40, and being married has been the best experience of my life and I feel sad that my younger self did not have that happiness. At least she is finished university.