AIBU to feel shocked my 23-year-old daughter is marrying?

[SlothsRUs]

My 23 year old daughter has just announced that she is getting married next year.

I am completely shocked.

Surely it’s not normal anymore to marry that early.

I tried to be joyous and congratulate her but would you be happy?

I want to know why she wants to marry this young.

I know she is an adult and what she does is nothing to do with me but I am really shocked.

I’d say it is more unusual these days (although America seems to differ!). I married at 35, and all my friends that have married were similar ages.

It's really young these days, OP, I think I'd be shocked too.

I know in previous generations this was a perfectly acceptable and normal age, but this is 2026 and many of the things that were acceptable in the past or normal aren't now - society has evolved.

At the end of the day, it'll either be a success or not - same as any other marriage. Marrying at 30 isn't any guarantee, either.

I'm not sure why you say America seems to differ. I'm in America and I'm at the age where my nieces and nephews, and friends' children are starting to get married, but they've all been at least 29 or 30. I don't know of anyone getting married in their early 20's over here.

Surely it’s ‘safer’ to get married a bit older? Your less naive, less likely to be financially controlled (more likely to have your own money), have more experience to know when someone is taking advantage of you.

No nothings guaranteed. Marriages break up even when people are older.
Marriages break up when ppl have been together years.

I would feel the same way op. I got married at 23 and in hindsight it was too young.

I think it’s far too young and they have only been together 2.5 years

talk to her. Tell her you would advise gaining more life experience before settling down but ultimately support her choice

What i liked at 23 is vastly different to 43 and that includes the boyfriends i had

I think i see your issue OP.

23 isn't too young to marry. Today, many young people can't afford to marry at 23. But, they do meet their future spouses at university.

Your daughter and future husband seem to be able to afford it. You know that many marriages today end in divorce. You're worried about future finances. This is totally reasonable.

It's not unreasonable to ask where they're going to live? Are they buying or renting? How big a mortgage will they be having? Will they be going 50/50?
It's not unreasonable to ask what he does for a living and try to gauge his income. It would be unreasonable to ask about family trusts.
It is not unreasonable to try and gauge his attitude to money, whether he's sensible or an idiot.

If you have concerns about future finances and a divorce, discreetly swot up on how this would affect your daughter. Maybe get your husband to discuss this with her

I married at 23. It wasn't in my plan but life happens. We celebrated our 33rd anniversary this month. Still going strong.

Other than sleeping with other people, what life experience is someone losing by getting married?

They have another person slowing them down, someone else whose preferences they need to consult, someone they need to compromise for. Which is the last thing anyone should be doing at 23.

I don’t think you need to tell your parents the ins and outs of finances at 23.
There’s no suggestion the daughter is expecting to live with op post marriage or be funded by them.

It’s unusual if the dd has been with the man for 2.5 years and they don’t know what he does for a living. It’s one of first things that comes up in conversation.

So not only should 23 year olds not get married, they shouldn’t be in stable relationships either?

They’ve been adults for 5 years - when are some posters going to acknowledge that they are perfectly competent to make their own decisions!

Plenty of people WANT relationships. This is not a bad thing, assuming no coercion etc.

I got married at 23. I think it’s great to settle down early in life and build a life with someone. I unfortunately got a divorce however I don’t believe it was due to my age , the guy was an ass ! But congratulations to her , support her .

No advice, just admiration that you didn't 'kick off' and express your opinions.

No it isn’t. She is an educated 23 year old woman. Stay out of her business. Let her live her life and be happy she’s getting married and starting her life.

Solo travel is also completely normal now. Don’t read into it other than she has a partner who doesn’t stifle her and box her in away from the world.

being independent. Making decisions alone: not consulting someone else . Living with friends, living with strangers. Forging relationships . Spending money without consulting someone

It will be the same if they stay in their relationship unmarried though won’t it?

But being settled in a long-term relationship, living together etc is going to affect all that anyway, married or not.

What is your concern?

i know the age but what do you think is going to happen?

How long has she been dating her fiancé?

I got married at 23.

My son got engaged at 24 and will get married quite soon.

I’m going to get slated but imo only people from a low working class background, get married so young. Then have kids early and are young grandparents and the cycle continues. It is their norm.

I would be very disappointed if my kids thought it was a normal age to marry. Their whole lives are before them, a whole world to see and meet different people from all walks of life.

Each to their own OP!

do they both have jobs? A place to live? Are the responsible? Can they afford it or are you shelling out?

there is no norm these days. People just do what feels right!