AIBU to feel shocked my 23-year-old daughter is marrying?

[SlothsRUs]

My 23 year old daughter has just announced that she is getting married next year.

I am completely shocked.

Surely it’s not normal anymore to marry that early.

I tried to be joyous and congratulate her but would you be happy?

I want to know why she wants to marry this young.

I know she is an adult and what she does is nothing to do with me but I am really shocked.

I personally would find it very young, people’s own experiences will influence their opinion then and older people obviously married at a younger age.

Average age I believe is 30 ish now

As long as the age of marriage continues to rise women will miss the window of optimum reproductive ability and safety.

Most of the stats there don’t seem crazy but I’d specifically like to know about this:
“so all the people saying 'it worked out great for me 20 / 30 / 40 years ago' were doing what everyone did at the time”

because it’s rubbish - I’ve been married getting on for 25 years. Married at age 22 in the early 2000s and everyone told me I was very young - late 20s/early 30s was the norm then, getting married young wasn’t what “everyone did at the time”.

From the standpoint of the health of both parents and offspring, many evolutionary biologists would say that the early to late 20s is the period when human reproduction is biologically most favourable.

Women are having far fewer dc now and many aren’t having any so no point worrying about the above.

Its young by today's standards but she's a grown woman. I was married at 23 and had my son when I was 24 and don't regret it

Whats the amount of babies got to do with the chances of healthy pregnancies and babys that are statistically more likely in your 20s

Tbh, if my dd age 23 ( which she is) came and told me she was getting married, id have no reason to be concerned.
Shes educated. In an excellent job. Is very sure of who she is and what she wants.
We reared her to be able to make her own choices and decisions and i trust her judgement.
We reared no fools. I know if she decided this then i could trust she was making the right choice for her.
I cant imagine not respecting their choices.

@Thechaseison71I have no idea why the original point was even relevant in the first place.

I’d have loved to have found my husband earlier than I did, had kids when I was younger, joined forces to buy property younger but it didn’t happen. I think young adults today aren’t so worried about going out and having a raucous time before they settle down, there’s a return to family values at a younger age. The only right time is the time that’s right for them. Enjoy wedding planning

Jealous much? 😑

I got married at 18. 42 years later, still married.
Dont be ridiculous.

Whatever about family values, most definately mine have no interest in boozing etc. They love hols and clothes but all in moderation and they are rediculously good with money for their age.
One of dds friends just bought a house. 22 yrs old. No family money. Just saving and graft. Her and her fella age 25.

I wish i was that organised at their age.

Same married at 18, 60 years later, still married!

It's up to her really. Do you like her partner ?

I’d be mortified but…hopefully it works out and they/you’ll be happy. I agree, she’s young and it’s surely a big gamble at her age. I fancied myself in love a few times in my twenties/early thirties…each was a false dawn. I understand your concerns. Hopefully it will be a ‘happy ever after’

@NoSoapJustUseShowerGel I know, I'm not sure why some people think that it was common to marry on the younger side 25/30 years ago. I'm 51 (nearly 52) and late 20's/30ish was definitely the norm. 2003/04 were expensive years for me as so many friends got married!

Although statistically people who marry in their 20's are more likely to divorce, the most horrific divorce I've witnessed was between a couple who married in their mid-30's and divorced around 50. A complete bloodbath, never seen anything so nasty.

I do think it is quite young for these days but not obscenely young. My only worry would be that they haven’t been together that long, 2.5 years at that age is a short time to be certain. Many of my friends relationships at that age (including mine) lasted 5/6/7 years and we all thought they were forever but ultimately we all broke up! My friends daughter just got married at 25 but had been with him for 8 years so more established maybe?

Please try to put aside your own views and be happy for her. She's decided she wants to marry her chap, so get on the wedding bus with her and get excited about helping plan the best day of her life. You're the Mother of the Bride!

I see lots of work colleagues having children later than perhaps we did, but many of them are married in their mid-twenties.

God op how condescending.so this woman will be what, 24 she marries, is doing a phd and you she needs you or her father to explain the law round marriage like she’s a child.

what on earth is wrong with you

I got married at 22 in 2016 and have been married 10 years and have 2 children. I always knew that I would prefer to have my children young and to be in a stable relationship. I’m now in a position where I can progress my career - so for me, it was perfect timing!

@SlothsRUs

OP, is there a particular reason why you might wonder whether she understands "the nitty gritty of the law surrounding marriage"?

Getting married will give your DD more protection than living together so l don't understand your worry.

I could understand if she was like 18, but by time she gets married she'll be 24... I wouldn't call that exceptionally young. If they've already been together a couple of years and are/are looking to cohabit, getting married and having the legal protections that brings is actually very sensible.