AIBU to feel shocked my 23-year-old daughter is marrying?

[SlothsRUs]

My 23 year old daughter has just announced that she is getting married next year.

I am completely shocked.

Surely it’s not normal anymore to marry that early.

I tried to be joyous and congratulate her but would you be happy?

I want to know why she wants to marry this young.

I know she is an adult and what she does is nothing to do with me but I am really shocked.

Yea it’s a bit young but she seems to be moving forward with her educational plans. If she was saying she was going to get married give up her education or career plans and have babies I’d be more concerned.
Statistically, those who marry before 25 have a much higher divorce rate (50%) compared to those who get married between 28-32, who have the lowest rate of divorce long term (20%), then it creeps up again.

She's doing a PhD, will marry a rich, nice man at age 24, and will get a big inheritance quite soon? She's hit the jackpot I'd say, why are you disappointed?! Most people would trade their situation for hers in a heartbeat. Yes divorce can happen, but so can lots of things.

If you are serious, I feel even more sorry. Money isn't everything.

I was engaged at 23, married at 25. Married 7 years now, with a baby and zero regrets. Tell your daughter congratulations!

We’re not talking about the 1960s, are we? The average age of marriage has risen steadily since the 1990s.

Whats the issue? I got married at 22 and turning 26 this year, and am happier than I could ever imagine.

I married at 23. DH literally turned 22 the day before we got married. That was in 2000 and yes it was considered young but it was absolutely the right decision, right person, right time. We have grown up together and chosen one another through all life's seasons. I hope they will be very happy.

Well that is quite a view ! Least she knows not to be "Provincial"
what is an acceptable age for you not to be ashamed of your child.? and do you think married couples don't have ambition and "waste their education"

So you actually agree with me even though you are making out like you don’t?!

If she is happy, and he is a decent guy, I would be delighted. You hear a lot about women who want to settle down and start families, but they are 35+, and can't find a man willing to commit. Be grateful this won't happen to your daughter

It feels young bc so many people get married later due to financial reasons. I've been with my DP for 15 years, we're getting married next month. We got together at 20 and I'd have married him at 23 if we'd had the funds! We wanted to buy a house first and it took us a LOT longer to get on the ladder than we'd expected (saving for a deposit while renting was HARD).

Maybe sit with your feelings for a bit and try to process them yourself without telling your daughter just how shocked you are. It could hurt her feelings and your relationship with her if she perceives it as you thinking she's not mature or grown up enough to make that kind of life choice.

I went to a wedding last year and the bride was 23.

I was 22 when I got married and it lasted seven years. I think I was too young but that's not to say I'd say it was too young for someone else.

Apologies, I read it that you were using your experience to justify your own belief that it was too young to marry in general - my mistake.

Mine are teens and I have noticed a general trend towards the desire to settle down mid 20's in their friend groups. I think it is great coming from a generation where we were meant to have everything then many realised it was totally unobtainable in terms of life satisfaction at least. I think it is great.

How would getting married affect her ambition?

Getting married that young is almost always out of a ‘settling’ mentality. And having a spouse is going to be a clog on her heel if she wants to go and study or work abroad, move to another part of the country just because she feels like, is likely to mean she buys property sooner rather than later and clogs herself with that, too.

I don't get what the inheritance has to do with anything.

The point of getting married is you become one unit in law.

If you subsequently divorce, yes you could lose part of any financial assets you have accrued.

Why do you think the inheritance should be any different? Its a gift; hers to do whatever she wants with. I don't think it's possible to get married but ringfence some of your finances separately.

You sound really controlling.

Dont make a problem when there isnt one. Its a big commitment at any age.

I know plenty of married women who are ambitious!

I got married at 24. We'll be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary next month. Most of my friends were about that age too and we're all still with our husbands.

So I wouldn't say she was unusually young.

I did a bit similar and keeping up with the industry/ your profession is so important and is often undervalued. People want women to think we can’t “have it all” and sometimes we can’t but career and family is definitely more attainable than a lot of people think.

She’s a fully-grown, university-educated woman, and just because the median age of marriage has increased through the decades doesn’t mean there’s anything “shocking” about her getting married at 23. YABU.

@SlothsRUs please talk to your daughter if you want to be sure that your daughter as thought carefully about this but we all know it is impossible to give instant married life experience to a young person who is not married no matter how much we wish we could.

That’s all everyone is doing. Sharing anecdotes and opinions.

my anecdotes and opinion leads me to get where the OP is coming from (and agreement with her)

It would depend on the relationship she is in, my daughter has a long term boyfriend who I genuinely love I would be overjoyed if they were engaged he is already a big part of our family, if I had worries about their relationship it would be different.