AIBU to tell my friend her partner sent me an explicit photo

[Anyusernamewilldo8963]

Just woken up to find my best mates partner has sent me a dick pic with a message saying he wants me 🤢🤮 I have to tell her don't I

Shame must change sides

In fairness, I do think it isn't easy to escape one's conditioning, @hypnovic - but the more times people hear the truth, the more people will learn, and escape the conditioning, I hope.

Excellent! One less weirdo doing this. Well done!

Either way it's still a criminal offence.

What kind of “back story”?

People are different? Have different ways of doing things? I have my husband’s best mate contact details for when they go climbing together. I have another mate as he does some gardening stuff for us sometimes. So what?

If you’re snidely trying to imply OP is wrong to have contact with anyone’s husband in any way on social media, that’s horrible.

I really hope @babyproblems isn't suggesting that the OP somehow 'asked' for this dick pic - the 'she asked for it' defence!!

Just to stress

1. it's a criminal offence
2. he doesn't have the OPs telephone number. Instead he tracked down her social media account and sent a message. He can't have been that drunk to be able to manage this
3. the OP is upset by the picture.

It's completely appropriate as a response. It's exactly what the law was written for.

To those saying let it be, would you think differently if this wasn't a one off? If every time this person had a drink he sent dic pics to a dozen women?

I do wonder if the reason he didn't put your name in the message was because it was a copy/paste and it was sent to others also? Or he wasn't sending it to you in particular he scrolled down the list of names and went oh maybe I'll send it to her today?

Where is the line between "drunk cheeky chappy" sending out an dic pic and sexual predator who is a prolific dick-pic sender?

If every woman that was sent one did nothing and said nothing they will never know if it was a one off to be ignored and not made a deal of or if they were one of many and they are harassing all the women he knows?

Re the embarrassment, is he embarrassed that he sent the picture or is he embarrassed that he misjudged who to send it to and sent it to someone that was willing to call him out?

Two words. Wayne Couzens. For all you "think of the aftermath" and he "was drunk" enablers.

Of course, and OP should report. However, I would personally would hold off for a few days at least to gauge the impact on the friend, who sounds vulnerable in that she's already put up a lot of shit from this man. OP hasn't said if the friend has DC, only that she has an 11-year-old herself. But the friend has been with dickhead partner for about a decade and therefore might. It's easy for us all to write on a forum that she should rush to the police asap, but the friend is a real person and this is her real life.

Glad you have told her OP as this was the only viable next step.

It is a crime regardless of his state of sobriety and if you feel you do want to report it to the police then that's your right. If you do not want to that is also your choice. End of. Hope you and your friend are both ok and that this leads her to see sense.

I am lucky that I have never been sent a dick pic - or flashed, in the pre-smart phone days, when perves had to do it in person. I have often thought that, if I were unlucky enough, I'd say "That looks just like a penis - only much smaller!" Whether I would have the nerve, if it actually happened, I'm not sure.

Yet there is another, endless list, woman who is in relationship with thia specimen and has a child (if they do)

This woman chose this and will ignore the redflags and keep the child? in danger

That’s understandable, even if not logical. And just demonstrates how difficult it is for women to deal with this kind of unwanted sexual harassment that they didn’t ask for.

How awful. You did the right thing in telling her. I’m afraid I also wouldn’t tell the police. Nothing will come of it, it will just cause even more drama and they have a kid.

id block him on everything though and be there for your friend. She may ultimately distance herself from you though, sadly some women will always pick the man, when it comes to it and blame the woman for their behaviour,

Yep someone has just posted that exact thing!

A child living with a pervert.

This but maybe
But i would go back to him with
I assume you sent me this in error rather to xxx ( partners name ) !!!

That way if it all kicks off when you tell her you can show her your responce .

I wonder how many other women he's been sending these images to. This is unlikely to be a one off

Agree with this.
It lets her know, but takes the heat off you.
She can ask him about it and then he can dig himself out the shit of his own making.
Vile man.

I think sending a dick pic is the same as flashing a woman in the street but worse, as you're invading her home.

you need to tell her. Don’t give your view about it, call him names just say, he sent me this, I thought you should know

He might escalate if not stopped so you did the right thing.

He didn't choose you at random, but because he counted on you not telling your friend - through your desire to protect her.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, and your friend.

The OP has very sensibly, imo, already spoken to and told her friend. The thread moved on a while back.