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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell my friend her partner sent me an explicit photo

460 replies

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 05:10

Just woken up to find my best mates partner has sent me a dick pic with a message saying he wants me 🤢🤮 I have to tell her don't I

OP posts:
REP22 · 24/06/2026 13:04

I agree @Pinkdayss. A few years ago there was an occasional flasher in our small rural village. It would get reported on the community FB page, usually followed by comments like "Binnsy on the pull again!", "Was that you Joe, you perv" with multiple laughter emojis and similar jokey remarks. Even when it was schoolgirls on the way home from school getting flashed. More recently, a girl was seriously assaulted when the flasher (the same one) "graduated" from just looking and flashing to getting physically hands-on in a secluded bit of footpath.

Minimising it and laughing or dismissing these things can, in some (not all) cases embolden the flasher/dick-pic sender, imply a growing sense of "it's not that bad", and edge them slowly towards a point where mere flashing is no longer sufficient to satisfy their "needs".

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 24/06/2026 13:04

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 10:24

I wasn't going to respond to this but it's bugging me, are you for real? Where's the line for you of what criminal acts are ok as long as the perpetrator is drunk?

I 100% agree with you @Anyusernamewilldo8963

I'm sick of male criminal behaviour being downplayed because 'he was probably drunk', 'that's what guys do', 'boys will be boys'.

How about MEN "thinking of the aftermath"? before they do something criminal/gross/disgusting/upsetting?

DelphiniumBlue · 24/06/2026 13:14

I would be informing the police as it is a criminal offence.
This is not just him cheating on her, it is designed to provoke and humiliate you. It's saying that he thinks he can do this to you as well as her. That he thinks he's untouchable. How disgusting.

Pinkdayss · 24/06/2026 13:14

REP22 · 24/06/2026 13:04

I agree @Pinkdayss. A few years ago there was an occasional flasher in our small rural village. It would get reported on the community FB page, usually followed by comments like "Binnsy on the pull again!", "Was that you Joe, you perv" with multiple laughter emojis and similar jokey remarks. Even when it was schoolgirls on the way home from school getting flashed. More recently, a girl was seriously assaulted when the flasher (the same one) "graduated" from just looking and flashing to getting physically hands-on in a secluded bit of footpath.

Minimising it and laughing or dismissing these things can, in some (not all) cases embolden the flasher/dick-pic sender, imply a growing sense of "it's not that bad", and edge them slowly towards a point where mere flashing is no longer sufficient to satisfy their "needs".

And i agree with YOU.

I read years ago that flashers escalate and that is why they should be taken very seriously.

I have two wonderful sons and a good husband.
I know so many kind decent men.

However, the older i get, the more awful stories i read, the more revolted i am by the sheer volume of horrible stories of revolting men.

Its very sad.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 24/06/2026 13:18

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 13:01

To the vast majority of posters who have taken time to reply I sincerely thank you, the next paragraph does not apply to you so please feel free to skip to the last paragraph.

To those who have tried to minimise this, blame me, accuse me of causing drama etc I sincerely hope you do not have children and are not teaching your sons "its ok to send a picture of your penis to anyone you like without permission, just say you were drunk or it was a mistake/joke and you’ll get away with it" or indeed have daughters who you are teaching to put up with this as "sure he didn't mean to send it to you/he was drunk so just ignore it"

It's not my first dick pic I've ever received but I am upset by this particular one for the impact it's having on my dear friend who deserves so so much more and whilst the majority have helped me feel less sick about it, some of you have saddened me even further knowing my DC are growing up in a world where some think this is ok.

Well bloody said OP.

There is a minority of posters on mumsnet that need to check their internalised misogyny and their enablement of men behaving like dangerous, perverted little runts.

Speakeasier · 24/06/2026 13:19

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 13:01

To the vast majority of posters who have taken time to reply I sincerely thank you, the next paragraph does not apply to you so please feel free to skip to the last paragraph.

To those who have tried to minimise this, blame me, accuse me of causing drama etc I sincerely hope you do not have children and are not teaching your sons "its ok to send a picture of your penis to anyone you like without permission, just say you were drunk or it was a mistake/joke and you’ll get away with it" or indeed have daughters who you are teaching to put up with this as "sure he didn't mean to send it to you/he was drunk so just ignore it"

It's not my first dick pic I've ever received but I am upset by this particular one for the impact it's having on my dear friend who deserves so so much more and whilst the majority have helped me feel less sick about it, some of you have saddened me even further knowing my DC are growing up in a world where some think this is ok.

I’m so sorry you’ve had apologists for this kind of thing. Being drunk is no excuse for any kind of unrequited approach of a sexual nature. I’ve managed not to send my friends’ partners pictures of my tits or my vulva despite being drunk as all hell. You’ve made it abundantly clear you’re not interested by grey rocking his attempts at contacting you. No normal person could be confused at this at all.

How is it different from indecent exposure. Yuck!

You are a very good friend and person and you’ve done the right thing to risk your friendship for your friend’s sake. That takes a lot of guts and self sacrifice (because we all know some women blame the messenger and some men take revenge by isolating her from her friends for her temerity for having boundaries).

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 24/06/2026 13:19

ChrisTheBastard · 24/06/2026 12:08

John 11:35

I was commenting on the poster that said (or I interpreted their post as) the OP should go to the police but there's no need to make fun of his tiny willy. I disagreed and thought it was an excellent idea as humiliation, in addition to being reported for his awful behaviour may actually make him think twice. The sort of idiot that would send this probably won't care if they get an interview under caution, but having everybody laughing at him (again, as well as the police action and probably divorce) would probably be harder for him to deal with. We're not dealing with someone rational here

I understand you are getting at but it would not be a good look for OP if she communicated with him to jeer at him that he has a tiny dick and then reported his offence to the police. It would make it look - to the police - like OP and friend's H have a relationship of some sort, it would completely muddy the waters and it might mean the police don't take it seriously.

Also, with regard to "We're not dealing with someone rational here". That sounds very much like "he must have taken temporary leave of his senses, the poor man, once he sobers up he'll be back to being a solid rational bloke."

This is an excuse that lets this man off the hook for feeling entitled to sexually harass a woman in her own home. Women are increasingly refusing to accept such excuses because this kind of intrusive aggressive shit behaviour is an epidemic that causes women to feel unsafe in the street, at work, in gyms, and in their OWN HOME. This man is as rational as all the millions of other men who send unsolicited dick pics to women. These men do it because it pleases them and up until now, the vast majority of them have gotten away with it. They don't care about the women who they send the pic to, they don't care that she could feel shocked, assaulted, and threatened by it. They also don't care if she tells them they've upset her - most laugh, feel validated, and are even turned on by the attention. Men like this don't see women as humans, they are just passive objects and receptacles of their lust.

This kind of mentality needs to end, and it starts with not excusing the behaviour of these men.

Speakeasier · 24/06/2026 13:24

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 24/06/2026 13:19

I understand you are getting at but it would not be a good look for OP if she communicated with him to jeer at him that he has a tiny dick and then reported his offence to the police. It would make it look - to the police - like OP and friend's H have a relationship of some sort, it would completely muddy the waters and it might mean the police don't take it seriously.

Also, with regard to "We're not dealing with someone rational here". That sounds very much like "he must have taken temporary leave of his senses, the poor man, once he sobers up he'll be back to being a solid rational bloke."

This is an excuse that lets this man off the hook for feeling entitled to sexually harass a woman in her own home. Women are increasingly refusing to accept such excuses because this kind of intrusive aggressive shit behaviour is an epidemic that causes women to feel unsafe in the street, at work, in gyms, and in their OWN HOME. This man is as rational as all the millions of other men who send unsolicited dick pics to women. These men do it because it pleases them and up until now, the vast majority of them have gotten away with it. They don't care about the women who they send the pic to, they don't care that she could feel shocked, assaulted, and threatened by it. They also don't care if she tells them they've upset her - most laugh, feel validated, and are even turned on by the attention. Men like this don't see women as humans, they are just passive objects and receptacles of their lust.

This kind of mentality needs to end, and it starts with not excusing the behaviour of these men.

I’d go further that some blokes actually want to frighten, shock or humiliate women. Some men enjoy feeling powerful and her feeling uncomfortable. I had this bloke I knew for years actually punch me fairly hard in the arm. Why would he do that if not to make me feel more vulnerable and him more powerful. I said what the fuck are you doing and just moved away from him. It’s not my job to teach him how to behave. But I’m not putting up with that kind of shit any longer and nor should anyone else.

fictitiousfoibles · 24/06/2026 13:27

Oh no, meant to click on YANBU but think I clicked the wrong one, sorry!

Horrible for you, and obviously appalling for his partner. I think you have handled is as well as possible. Some of the responses on here 🙄

MinnieGirl · 24/06/2026 13:28

I can’t actually believe some of the comments on here…..especially the ones calling OP a drama queen etc. This man has deliberately taken a picture of his dick and sent it to his partners best friend, with a message saying he wants her…. Not only is it sleazy, it shows a total lack of respect for his partner, and for OP. Not exactly champagne and flowers is it…..
And if he’s old enough to be able to take such a disgusting picture, he’s old enough to accept the consequences. I hope your friend ditches him, and you go to the police and report the dirty bastard….

grumpygrape · 24/06/2026 13:28

LondonLass2026 · 24/06/2026 11:34

Yes but drip feeding is incredibly annoying and lazy. I know you can filter by "all posts by op" but it's still frustrating.

Do you understand the difference between drip feeding and updating ?
OP has given updates not drip fed.

Boreded · 24/06/2026 13:29

fictitiousfoibles · 24/06/2026 13:27

Oh no, meant to click on YANBU but think I clicked the wrong one, sorry!

Horrible for you, and obviously appalling for his partner. I think you have handled is as well as possible. Some of the responses on here 🙄

You can change your vote, just click on the one you wanted

Speakeasier · 24/06/2026 13:30

KeyWorker · 24/06/2026 12:42

What am I reading? He has committed a crime, of course he should be reported to the police if that’s what the victim wants to do. Football seems to have a lot to answer for, not only does England playing football increase incidences of domestic violence it also apparently makes you behave like a sexual predator!

Your attitude is very victim blaming. OP shouldn’t have to carry this like a dirty secret.

It’s nothing to do with football although some men may use that as an excuse. It’s about entitlement and lack of emotional maturity and regulation.

I’m a football fan and I have two sons who are football fans and they would never, ever do this. I know lots of non sporting fans who would be abusive to their wives and would use other excuses: I’m depressed, stressed at work, need validation for lack of confidence, haven’t had many relationships, she made me do it, she doesn’t earn enough, she earns too much. It’s all bullshit and we should stop blaming external factors. It’s a him issue for which he should be accountable.

Starfish1021 · 24/06/2026 13:32

Gosh well done for handling this so well. I can't believe the posters minimising this behaviour. It's just so fecking depressing. I hope your friend finds the courage to leave this dreadful and abusive man.

LondonLass2026 · 24/06/2026 13:39

grumpygrape · 24/06/2026 13:28

Do you understand the difference between drip feeding and updating ?
OP has given updates not drip fed.

"he's never been flirty with me".

How is that an update? It's an existing piece of information. Do you understand the term "existing"? As in, info which was already in existence, not something which later transpired.

Gosh, you live up to your username.

TheToteBagLady · 24/06/2026 13:47

You did the right thing.

It’s absolutely baffling that anyone, but especially on a website predominantly for women and mothers, would minimise this.

It’s the modern equivalent of flashing/exposing, and it’s a very serious crime.
He is lucky you’re not going to the police, and I’d want him to know that.

Your poor friend, and you.

Bromptotoo · 24/06/2026 13:53

When did this dick pic thing become the sort of thing people can even begin to think is 'normal'.

ChrisTheBastard · 24/06/2026 13:56

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 24/06/2026 13:19

I understand you are getting at but it would not be a good look for OP if she communicated with him to jeer at him that he has a tiny dick and then reported his offence to the police. It would make it look - to the police - like OP and friend's H have a relationship of some sort, it would completely muddy the waters and it might mean the police don't take it seriously.

Also, with regard to "We're not dealing with someone rational here". That sounds very much like "he must have taken temporary leave of his senses, the poor man, once he sobers up he'll be back to being a solid rational bloke."

This is an excuse that lets this man off the hook for feeling entitled to sexually harass a woman in her own home. Women are increasingly refusing to accept such excuses because this kind of intrusive aggressive shit behaviour is an epidemic that causes women to feel unsafe in the street, at work, in gyms, and in their OWN HOME. This man is as rational as all the millions of other men who send unsolicited dick pics to women. These men do it because it pleases them and up until now, the vast majority of them have gotten away with it. They don't care about the women who they send the pic to, they don't care that she could feel shocked, assaulted, and threatened by it. They also don't care if she tells them they've upset her - most laugh, feel validated, and are even turned on by the attention. Men like this don't see women as humans, they are just passive objects and receptacles of their lust.

This kind of mentality needs to end, and it starts with not excusing the behaviour of these men.

I was looking at this way too shallowly (there must be a better word to use that than but it's hot and I CBA to get the thesaurus out).

I came to this with the view that the guy's behaviour was disgusting, and with the phrase "Men are worried that women will laugh at them. Women are worried that men will kill them" in my head" so didn't feel comfortable with the idea of a PP saying there was no need to laugh at him (it felt almost like he was being protected, but this may have been the way I read it). While laughing may temporarily make him feel like a bellend, it's so true that this sense of power and using it to make women feel uncomfortable is what a lot of guys get off from.

I've learned a huge amount from MN about women's lived experiences, of which I was simply not aware, mainly because boys simply aren't conditioned / taught to do so (spoiler: the Chris in my username isn't short for Christine). and this is one reason I'm glad to be here.

Thanks for the well-written and considered post I'm not always going to get things right (in the same way I suppose that there are aspects of being a man that some women may not instinctively realise) but do, and will continue to, try

Pistachiocake · 24/06/2026 13:57

If you've answered this elsewhere sorry, but is there a chance he sent it you by mistake?
Like in his phone Kate's friend is right next to Kate? And even so, he needs to be told to be more careful.

ChrisTheBastard · 24/06/2026 13:57

Pistachiocake · 24/06/2026 13:57

If you've answered this elsewhere sorry, but is there a chance he sent it you by mistake?
Like in his phone Kate's friend is right next to Kate? And even so, he needs to be told to be more careful.

Come off it

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 24/06/2026 13:57

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 24/06/2026 13:04

I 100% agree with you @Anyusernamewilldo8963

I'm sick of male criminal behaviour being downplayed because 'he was probably drunk', 'that's what guys do', 'boys will be boys'.

How about MEN "thinking of the aftermath"? before they do something criminal/gross/disgusting/upsetting?

This!

Women being told to think about the aftermath - MEN should be thinking of the fucking aftermath, or better yet - there should BE no fucking aftermath! 🤬😡🤬

GreenCandleWax · 24/06/2026 14:00

Speakeasier · 24/06/2026 13:24

I’d go further that some blokes actually want to frighten, shock or humiliate women. Some men enjoy feeling powerful and her feeling uncomfortable. I had this bloke I knew for years actually punch me fairly hard in the arm. Why would he do that if not to make me feel more vulnerable and him more powerful. I said what the fuck are you doing and just moved away from him. It’s not my job to teach him how to behave. But I’m not putting up with that kind of shit any longer and nor should anyone else.

Apparently flashers do it to get an upset, shocked, humiliated response. So this is no different - its flashing in the victim's own home, which is even more nasty and intrusive on her wellbeing. I am glad this is now an offence, particularly as actual flashers tend to escalate in the seriousness of their crimes, and perhaps these pathetic morons do too.

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 14:00

Pistachiocake · 24/06/2026 13:57

If you've answered this elsewhere sorry, but is there a chance he sent it you by mistake?
Like in his phone Kate's friend is right next to Kate? And even so, he needs to be told to be more careful.

No, he needs to be told that women don't want to see his willie. It's not as if they are aesthetically pleasing.

FaceIt · 24/06/2026 14:02

There’s no shadow of a doubt you did the right thing.

Hopefully this will be the final straw for your friend and she rids herself of the cheap scumbag 🤮

Glitchymn1 · 24/06/2026 14:04

CallItLoneliness · 24/06/2026 05:54

If you want to preserve the friendship, you could give your friend the face saving option of "this might have been a mistake but...". You know it isn't, he knows it isn't, and she will know it wasn't, but it might make it easier on her.

^ this