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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell my friend her partner sent me an explicit photo

460 replies

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 05:10

Just woken up to find my best mates partner has sent me a dick pic with a message saying he wants me 🤢🤮 I have to tell her don't I

OP posts:
ChrisTheBastard · 24/06/2026 12:08

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 12:02

Unbelievable. Lets feed him with jokes instead of reporting the perv to the police to keep other women safe.

John 11:35

I was commenting on the poster that said (or I interpreted their post as) the OP should go to the police but there's no need to make fun of his tiny willy. I disagreed and thought it was an excellent idea as humiliation, in addition to being reported for his awful behaviour may actually make him think twice. The sort of idiot that would send this probably won't care if they get an interview under caution, but having everybody laughing at him (again, as well as the police action and probably divorce) would probably be harder for him to deal with. We're not dealing with someone rational here

banmusk · 24/06/2026 12:16

I support your decision to tell your friend what her partner did OP.
(Please try to ignore the Andrew Tate acolytes)

cupofteacupofteaalmostgotshaggedcupoftea · 24/06/2026 12:16

Maray1967 · 24/06/2026 12:04

He’s sent a dick pic to his partner’s friend. What makes you think he won’t do the same in years to come when his daughter and her friends are 17/18? This sleaze bag needs the fear of God putting up him by police action.

Exactly. Flashing (and sending unsolicited dick picks is cyber flashing) is the entry level crime of men who go on to do much worse things. We should all know this after the (police) man who killed Sarah Everard was discovered to have had a history of flashing. Yes, not all men sending them will go on to do worse, but since nobody has a crystal ball, they shouldn't be given a free pass when they do.

Scarlettpixie · 24/06/2026 12:25

notanothernamesurely · 24/06/2026 11:58

I’d just forward it to her and say ‘guessing this wasn’t meant for me 😂’ and let her deal with it from there.

A laughing emoji? Really?

Scarlettpixie · 24/06/2026 12:28

Also forwarding it would be illegal (as is sending it in the first place).

The way people are minimising this is truly shocking. If this man was drunk and flashed someone in the street would they react the same way? Is this somehow ok because it is by text, because it is someone he knows?

This is not ok!

Happyjoe · 24/06/2026 12:28

Am afraid an evil you've got to go through, tell her. My friends fella asked me out. I had to tell her, she was, well, not pleased about it, but she'd rather know what sort of turd he was. She ended it.

Sometimes people shoot the messenger, but am sure if it were your partner sending dick pics, you'd rather know.

CustardySergeant · 24/06/2026 12:29

Happyjoe · 24/06/2026 12:28

Am afraid an evil you've got to go through, tell her. My friends fella asked me out. I had to tell her, she was, well, not pleased about it, but she'd rather know what sort of turd he was. She ended it.

Sometimes people shoot the messenger, but am sure if it were your partner sending dick pics, you'd rather know.

She's already told her friend.

Voneska · 24/06/2026 12:32

Just send him this message, and I don't think that you will hear from him again ( unless you like him, of course) Say : ALL CORRESPONDENCE FROM YOU IS GOING TO BE FORWARDED TO YOUR WIFE.

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 12:33

ChrisTheBastard · 24/06/2026 12:08

John 11:35

I was commenting on the poster that said (or I interpreted their post as) the OP should go to the police but there's no need to make fun of his tiny willy. I disagreed and thought it was an excellent idea as humiliation, in addition to being reported for his awful behaviour may actually make him think twice. The sort of idiot that would send this probably won't care if they get an interview under caution, but having everybody laughing at him (again, as well as the police action and probably divorce) would probably be harder for him to deal with. We're not dealing with someone rational here

We're certainly not. Laugh at a pervert while reporting him. Hilarious. Get a grip. Be RATIONAL.

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 12:36

Voneska · 24/06/2026 12:32

Just send him this message, and I don't think that you will hear from him again ( unless you like him, of course) Say : ALL CORRESPONDENCE FROM YOU IS GOING TO BE FORWARDED TO YOUR WIFE.

What about the next woman?

Dastardly2026 · 24/06/2026 12:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

KeyWorker · 24/06/2026 12:42

Blodyneighbour · 24/06/2026 09:08

I think Reporting to the police is just daft. He will be mortified when he wakes up. He was probably drunk after watching the football. Do you really want to go that far. I think you will lose your friend and embarrass the kids. As they will find out somehow.
I would just message him back saying how disgusting he is and Never to do it again. I think friend will also turn on you if you make such a bug deal of it.
Yes its gross that men do this. Totally out of order. But think about the aftermath.

What am I reading? He has committed a crime, of course he should be reported to the police if that’s what the victim wants to do. Football seems to have a lot to answer for, not only does England playing football increase incidences of domestic violence it also apparently makes you behave like a sexual predator!

Your attitude is very victim blaming. OP shouldn’t have to carry this like a dirty secret.

Pedallleur · 24/06/2026 12:44

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 12:33

We're certainly not. Laugh at a pervert while reporting him. Hilarious. Get a grip. Be RATIONAL.

It certainly wouldn't be funny if some of these apologists found that their teenage daughters (or sons) were receiving the pictures. The football/drunk excuse doesn't cut it.

hihelenhi · 24/06/2026 12:44

LondonLass2026 · 24/06/2026 11:34

Yes but drip feeding is incredibly annoying and lazy. I know you can filter by "all posts by op" but it's still frustrating.

It's not "drip feeding" for events to have moved on!

MatronPomfrey · 24/06/2026 12:45

You were right to tell your friend, she needed to know. I’d consider reporting to the police. It would be uncommon for this to be an isolated incident.

PollyBell · 24/06/2026 12:47

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 12:36

What about the next woman?

Men could have moron tattooed on their forehead and still have women throw themselves at them

Breadcat24 · 24/06/2026 12:50

Just as an aside has anyone ever received a dick pic and thought "ooh lovely you sexy beast!"?

SwatTheTwit · 24/06/2026 12:52

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 10:05

I have told her and she's understandably devastated. He has messaged to apologise which I have also ignored and as many of you guessed his excuse was he was drunk 🙄
She knows she has my full support for however she wants to handle it and I won't be doing anything about it until/if shes ready for me to.
I'm surprised and saddened by the few PP who are totally minimising this, it's been made a specific crime for a reason and to dismiss it as 'oh well he was drunk/it was a mistake etc' is very disheartening for all women suffering from the criminal actions of men. When my (now Ex) Husband raped me, was that ok because we were married?

MN is full of users who act like cheating is just an everyday occurrence that should be shrugged off.

Good on you for being a good friend and calling out bad behaviour.

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 12:52

babyproblems · 24/06/2026 10:43

Is he controlling???
I wonder if he’s done it deliberately so she cuts you off….

I can’t believe someone would really be that stupid to just send a pic in the hope you will respond ‘oh god I thought you’d never ask YES let’s meet up’

…unless there is more backstory…

You started off making a valid point and yes I do believe there is an aspect of controlling behaviour behind him sending this as he believes it will isolate her further (it won't as I won't allow that to happen) but you ended with asking about a backstory? Are you serious? No there is no back story! Read my posts, I've been clear that civil/friendly is all i have ever been towards him so please take your victim blaming and shove it, I have done nothing to deserve having a picture of his penis being sent to me unsolicited in the early hours of the morning, you are as bad as those on this thread telling me I'm creating drama and being daft and how its not his fault as he'd had a drink.

OP posts:
Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 12:54

hihelenhi · 24/06/2026 12:44

It's not "drip feeding" for events to have moved on!

Thank you @hihelenhi whilst I agree drip feeding is annoying I don't think I'm guilty of this at all!

OP posts:
Pinkdayss · 24/06/2026 12:55

OP, yanbu to be appalled.

MN posters always excuse the vilest of behaviour by men, a huge feature of this site....🙄. Hard to believe they are female posters at times, such is their commitment to bending themselves out of shape to excuse the very worst behaviour.

The arrogance of some men is truly revolting.
I am delighted that women now report this crime and I have spoken to my daughters on this very subject as teens.
It is a crime.
Funnily enough a 4 years ago an incident was reported by a 15 year old whose parents saw it on her phone, sent by a peer from a nearby boys school.

His parents were beside themselves when the police called to their house and cautioned him. They were both appalled, furious and mortified.

It was all a funny prank, not.
Obviously it went around the two schools they attend, single sex secondaries.

I haven't heard of anything since, as I think for that large circle that all know each other, the embarrassment and pure mortification, and no doubt fury of their parents, would have put much needed manners on them.

Two other boys the same year grabbed another boys phone and said some highly sexually things about his good looking mother for a joke while in school.
They mistakenly sent it to his family WhatsApp group.
There was absolute murder as a result.
Again reported to the police.
It went to elderly family members.

It was in May and the boys were permitted to do their exams in a separate area and were advised to find another place for September.
Both their families were devastated, as were the boys.

The school sent out a scorched earth email setting out their expectations and that any boy who brought the schools name into disrepute, by association, would be removed.

That was 4 years ago when my boys were still there.....not a single incident since.

I think strong public consequences for some men would dramatically reduce this.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/06/2026 12:57

There are plenty of posters on this thread and elsewhere on MN who are roundly condemning this sort of behaviour, @Pinkdayss.

Katiesaidthat · 24/06/2026 12:58

Overthehillmum63 · 24/06/2026 06:27

I don’t think my husband has any of my close friends phone numbers, that in itself is odd.
I’d tell her and be prepared to lose her friendship, it can be repaired later.

My husband has my two best friend´s phone numbers. We have socialised together. It´s not in any way "odd".

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 13:01

To the vast majority of posters who have taken time to reply I sincerely thank you, the next paragraph does not apply to you so please feel free to skip to the last paragraph.

To those who have tried to minimise this, blame me, accuse me of causing drama etc I sincerely hope you do not have children and are not teaching your sons "its ok to send a picture of your penis to anyone you like without permission, just say you were drunk or it was a mistake/joke and you’ll get away with it" or indeed have daughters who you are teaching to put up with this as "sure he didn't mean to send it to you/he was drunk so just ignore it"

It's not my first dick pic I've ever received but I am upset by this particular one for the impact it's having on my dear friend who deserves so so much more and whilst the majority have helped me feel less sick about it, some of you have saddened me even further knowing my DC are growing up in a world where some think this is ok.

OP posts:
Meteorite87 · 24/06/2026 13:01

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 10:22

Indeed my poor friend who has had her life blown up by the actions of her partner. I'm very glad you are not my friend if you think this is in anyway acceptable

By telling your friend, you have enabled her to make choices about her relationship with her (so-called!) partner.

"He/She was drunk" does not diminish the impact on the target of their behaviour.