Friend invited her friends to my birthday meal

[Donotfitin]

For context I haven’t celebrated my birthday in many years (and have never celebrated my birthday with these friends). Anyway, so one of my friends messages me today and says her friends are visiting and if they can come. I said it was fine, but I’m not necessarily happy about it. So AIBU for thinking she shouldn’t have asked? (She was very aware I haven’t celebrated my birthday in 10+ years).

She shouldnt have asked, but equally you shouldnt have said its fine!

Why did you say it was fine?!
If the friends are visiting and are travelling to see her maybe she felt rude abandoning them or cancelling on you.

Well I didn’t want to make it awkward!! I don’t think the onus should be on me really.

I don’t have that many friends I don’t want to end up with any for being “difficult “ . Although she know I don’t like most people

So your thread title isn't true?

She didn't invite her friends, she asked you if you'd mind her inviting them?

She asked, because it’s reasonable to give you the option to say yes or no. You gave the wrong answer.

Don't say yes then?!?!

If you don't like it, say something. Otherwise quite complaining! She asked. She isn't a mind-reader.

If it made you unhappy that's on you not to communicate this point.

Thinking she shouldn't ask because the onus shouldn't be on you, is very precious. And has accepted nothing but give you a chip on your shoulder which is completely down to your inability to communicate.

YABU

Is there any part in this post that says it's anything other than a You Problem?

Genuinely.

It's an attitude of a Little Miss Grumpy who would be unhappy about almost any situation in a rather childish and silly way.

Could you message her and say "You caught me unawares with your message; having thought about it more, though I'm sure your friends are lovely, as it's a special occasion I'd rather spend it only with people I know and love."

It depends for me, a friend visiting from a few hours away and it’s pre planned absolutely this would be ok.

A friend who you can see the day after as they live 20mins away a bit more off and odd

She knows the whole context of my birthday (and that I almost cancelled because I don’t have friends) and also knows that I dont like being around people in general, so she would know id feel uncomfortable.

Sorry OP but you shouldn’t have said yes to something if you didn’t want to. I am a chronic people pleaser myself so I get it but you can’t blame others for your inability to say what you really mean.

Your thread title is massively misleading - she didn't invite them at all. It happens that their visit clashes with your meal and she asked if they could come as well. So you answer accordingly - it's either fine with you or it isn't. You shouldn't have said it was fine if it isn't - that's passive aggressive - and this is nothing to do with whether or not you usually do or do not celebrate your birthday - this is about one specific birthday meal. If you are just going to sit there glowering through the dinner then it would be better to get in touch with her now - call, don't text - and explain that on reflection you would feel uncomfortable with people there that you don't know. It's then entirely up to her to decide what to do. Managing your feelings about your birthday is your job, not hers.

You can just say I’m feeling a bit awkward to have people I don’t know at my birthday meal but would they like to come for drinks after

Amazing how no one else on Mumsnet sometimes find it difficult saying no to people. Must be great all being so perfect. 🤩

This could be a great opportunity for you to make new friends. Maybe she is actually doing this because you wanted to cancel because you don't have friends. Just go in with an open mind.

Not at all! I knew her friends were visiting, but they’re arriving a couple of days early.

It’s already a bunch of people that have never met, husbands are coming, etc…. I can be easy going (that’s my day job after all!) but that’s not what I’d like on my birthday.

Which is why she asked if it was ok. You said yes.

Yes, but she also knows I said yes to her girls weekend away when I actually didn’t want to go (and don’t go in the end!)

You moan you have no friends, yet moan when friend wants to introduce you to other people. There’s no winning is there?

What do you want her to do then? Not invite you to anything, not introduce you to new people? She's not really doing anything wrong, she's including you, but you sound like you are almost offended by it because you can't say no.

I don’t think anyone has said it’s not difficult, but that doesn’t make it impossible. Her friend didn’t demand, she just asked. Apparently she knows OP can’t handle people so presumably would have been ok if she’d said no.

I actually didn’t moan about not having friends (I just said I don’t have that many, and would rather keep the ones I have) but at the same time I don’t want any more friends either!