AIBU to say no to neighbours using my garden daily during heatwave?

[notanEverydayThing]

AIBU to say no to neighbours about dc playing in my garden every day this week?

I live in an end terrace house there’s a gate onto a small lane and then a block of flats , I know a couple of the families as the dc go to the same school. They have a small shared grass area behind the flats but it’s not totally enclosed and a bit over grown / messy.

Yesterday I had the paddling pool and splash thing out for my dc and invited the neighbours round . I’ve set it up again today and on the way home they asked can they come again and I said ‘not today sorry but maybe on Friday ?’ One of the mums said ‘but it’s boiling !’ I said I know but I wanted to just have a quiet afternoon/ evening and I have work tomorrow and Thu to which she said ‘so you won’t be there at all? Can we use the garden / pool on those days?’ I said no !!!! I feel she’s being rude! I said happy Friday for everyone to come over again after school but she tutted and walked off

I know it’s hot but I don’t want them here everyday and especially when I’m not home tomorrow and Thursday!!!

Cheeky and rude.
Let her and her neighbours sort out their shared garden.

I wouldn't want her over again.

Sorry, just came on to say I have sausage fingers in the heat and voted YABU instead of YANBR

some folks are just so entitled. It makes my blood boil

There’s no way to guarantee they’d come with a parent. If you weren’t home, how could you ensure that was what was happening? I don't know anyone in their right mind who’d let people have free access to their garden whenever they fancied it, it’s a recipe for disaster. What happens if the child gets injured on OP’s property? What happens if the pool gets broken? I wouldn’t trust the entitled neighbour not to make both those things OP’s problem to solve.

And where do you draw the line? OP now has to provide free childcare and games and ice lollies and juice and how dare she not do it when it’s tO mAkE a cHiLd HaPpY.

What happens if OP has had a tough day and just wants to enjoy her own garden in peace, yet the child demands access to the paddling pool yet again? Clearly this child’s mother doesn’t like being told no, I can’t imagine the child has been taught to respect hearing it either.

Why does a child’s “happiness” have to come at the expense of someone else’s boundaries? OP had already been extremely nice, kind and considerate of the neighbour’s kids by offering up her garden and pool when she was willing. But that wasn’t enough and now they want more, more, more. Just bc it’s for a child doesn’t mean it’s not rude, pushy and entitled af.

OP, I’d echo other suggestions to get a lock on your garden gate. I wouldn’t trust that neighbour not to piss all over your boundaries for her wants.

I hate replies that treat MN as if we are one big lump…apart from the poster themselves of course as they polish their halo.

Anyway isnt “No” a complete sentence?!

There’s nothing stopping her tidying up the ‘messy’ and putting stuff there for her kids . It’s just cf laziness

She is being a cf but imagine being in a flat with kids in a heatwave.

i think id have said not tonight - want a quiet one. Yiu can use the garden while we are out tomorrow - let’s see how it goes.

I’m sure there’ll be a park somewhere in the vicinity. It’s really not a direct choice between op’s garden and sweltering indoors.

Oh, give over. Next it’d be expecting a key to the house in case the kids need the loo / Mum fancies a cup of tea.
There’s green space outside the flats, they can use that.

Don’t do it. She won’t thank you. A cheap paddling pool costs a couple of quid. She doesn’t want a pool. She wants your nice big pool, with a nice splash thing, in your nice neat garden, with other children to entertain hers. And quite possibly you there to supervise and provide her kids with ice lollies so she can nip home and lay on the sofa in peace.

The best way to handle this is to put your stuff away if your DC have finished playing with it. If she turns up on Friday, tell her it was cancelled the second she tutted at you and walked away because you wouldn’t give her free rein of your garden while you’re at work. Don’t say it nicely. Say it with an air of ‘You’re a cheeky fucker and I’m not having a bar of it’.

Yes, it’s boiling. It’s boiling every summer, it’s not like sunny weather has come as a surprise. And if you’ve got kids, you do your best to provide them with some outside space, even if it’s hard work. Has she ever asked to borrow a garden fork? Or some shears so she can chop a small area of grass for a little paddling pool? Has she phoned her landlord to ask if they can mow it?

Well they can get one. Why should everything be handed on a plate? I had tools when I lived in a flat..my DiL has a lawnmower for her common area at her flat. It pride in taking care of where you live..not leaving a mess and going to someone else’s who takes care of their surroundings. If something goes wrong on the borrowed property, there could be liability issues. There’s no guarantee the mother would always be with her child/ren

This!
she should be grateful you invited them again Friday!
do they bring things to share like Cold drinks and lollies etc?? Or turn up empty handed??

Do not waste water emptying it out.

The schools are closing early here the next 2 days.

If your kids are off and you have to work I’d have swapped the pool in exchange for childcare!

But doesn’t appear that’s the case for you.

Well - me neither as my ds is 21 now 🤣 so he can sort himself out while I work!

No means no - set and keep your boundaries
your “friend” acquaintance is out of line & cf.

with a paddling pool on your property- I would not risk the liability of having a family over unsupervised on your land. This is a health and safety issue and would be distracting for your peace of mind at work.

Given her entitlement there is no guarantee the children would be supervised or potentially cf may invite other friends over.

stick a padlock on the gate, & security camera .
give this women an inch - takes a mile and it would be your legal responsibility to ensure everyone is safe even if you are not there!
No I means no!

If they don’t have a choice but to live in those flats then I think you could be charitable and let the kids cool down for an hour. It’s an unprecedented heatwave and whilst some kids get to enjoy it others swelter in poorly maintained flats. It doesn’t hurt for them to be in your garden for 3 days of the year.

Ensure your gate is firmly locked, empty the pool and store it indoors.

They can get a pool for the shared garden
They can take the children to the park

OP WAS charitable and she got entitlement and tutting in return. No thanks.

Exactly what I was going to say. Unbelievable and where would it end? These people have a wonderful way of making you doubt yourself.

And I would definitely cancel Friday. You'll have them all through the summer holidays otherwise. Please do not feel guilty.

I think you may have missed the point. She has already had the opportunity to help another family out AND DID SO. Now the family she showed kindness to is acting rude and entitled and making OP feel uncomfortable. When people behave like that they actually reduce the chances of further help or kindness. Perhaps the people you have helped out have been grateful but when you get someone return your kindness with rude arrogant entitlement you tend to switch off. After all if you let them roll all over you what next? They will be expecting refreshments by the pool next.

She did allow them to come over and said they could come Friday but wanted a break when you get a day off you sometimes just want to decompress not have a garden full of other people's kids

Op did help and was willing to again. She is not obliged to help every day, especially when she is not there.

I would certainly not be helping anyone who was rude to me.

OK that's a stupid comment

The paddling pool is the draw here, you’re everyone’s best friend when you have one.
I remember a parent who I’d never met before getting very upset when my kids were little as I wouldn’t let her son in mine who had chicken pox scabs 😣
She was one of those parents who used to turn all three out and never really knew where they were.
She then came round and told me she was a nurse (she wasn’t, she was a care assistant)and why wouldn’t I let him in 😳

Where I live there are splash parks nearby? why is the only choice you're offering either sweltering in a flat or using OPs garden & pool? This lady has an outdoor space to use water bombs or water pistols or a bucket of cold water etc etc. There are parks nearby I presume? Sounds like the other mum is lazy and has zero imagination to me. I suppose you've had rude random mums and kids in your garden enjoying your pool in the past have you?