Headteacher criticised my daughter's water bottle

[Suchevilforebodings]

Slightly annoyed at my DD's headteacher. She is 8 and in Y3

I packed her bag yesterday morning and noticed as I filled up her water bottle that it was leaking from the lid. Grabbed another only to see it was split down the side. Annoying but one of those things.
When dropping her off at school, we popped into the local shop next door and grabbed her a large plastic bottle of water with a spout lid.

She came home from school yesterday and said that her headteacher, when visiting the classroom, had picked up her bottle from in front of her and told the whole class that this kind of bottle was "very bad" as it "ends up in the ocean and kills sea turtles" and a "proper" water bottle is much better to bring into school.

She's a very sensitive child was really quite upset and being told she's killing turtles, which she loves, and also at what she perceived as being "in trouble" as she loves school, is a good pupil, and hasn't ever been told off.

I get that the head isn't actually wrong, and I wouldn't normally buy bottled water but it was a "needs must" situation.

Was this an appropriate way to bring it up?

100% with you, I'm middle aged and still remember some particularly rotten teachers. And it didn't 'toughen me up' it just made me feel fucking wretched.

It'd be nice for your DD to have this resolved, for her own peace of mind (in case she ends up worrying forever that the head thinks she's a turtle-killer or that she doesn't care about the environment - it's the sort of thing that would've bothered me as a kid!). I would message the head explaining why you had that last minute bottle, and explain that your daughter is upset about being pulled up... and ask the head if he could acknowledge this with your DD, ie for the head to tell your DD that he now realises there was a genuine reason for having the bottle.

I've just re-read what i put here, and I realise it does sound a bit 'mountain out of a molehill' ish... but I think it's important that your daughter gets validated!

Could she have spoken up (since the HT was using her as an example and handling her personal property in the process) and explained that her standard reusable bottle sprung a leak this morning and a disposable one was all that her parent could get on such short notice; it's a one time situation and the family will reuse/recycle the disposable one and also repair or replace the eco-friendly one? That way she's on message with the HT and her peers know she's not a turtle killer, and if HT has some brilliant idea about how it could have been handled better, everyone benefits from his wisdom. I know that may not be something an 8yo immediately thinks of or is automatically comfortable saying, but this could be an opportunity to build resilience and help her be prepared to speak up next time (or to speak to the teacher separately, if she'd like).

I think this was very clumsy. When i was in year 3, my teacher commented on my rubber saying it was the ‘wrong kind’ and did not work as well as another style. I was mortified and humiliated, and came home and burst into tears. My dad had given me it, it was an old style rubber and he was scathing of teacher.

the subset thing you can do is replace with a new water bottle, which you probably have already sorted.

I don't think an 8 year old girl needs "resilience" in this situation. it's not her failing.

I think the head teacher, the adult man with a position of responsibility and care, needs to learn to set a good example to the children in his care of how to treat other people with less power than yourself and how not to. Which he has failed to do. She's allowed to be upset. This is a school environment. It's his job. It's pathetic for an adult professional to behave that way and not have the awareness of how inappropriate it is.

This, in six-foot-high letters.

It's like telling children off for packed lunches that they also don't have control over.

Bullying dressed up as righteous indignation.

Thank you for saying this. There is a time and place for "resilience" talk. This situation wasn't one of them. Not every kid is the same. Kids are allowed to have different personalities and sensitivies. Caring adults in positions of responsibility get that. Some children will really take it to heart and it'll do nothing but worry them.

That isn't a good thing. It doesn't achieve 'resilience".

Judgemental old biddy!

Being told off is one thing, but being so pointedly. singled out in front of the whole class, is another. IMO the HT showed a serious lack of sensitivity.

Mmmmmmm. Not sure. Not being told off means that the child is very polite and respectful to all adults at school. I would be proud of that.
For context I have one who has hardly ever been told off and a cheekier, testier one who has to pulled back in line from time to time. The more compliant one of the two is a much sharper critical thinker with strong political views, so excessive compliance doesn’t seem to be a key factor necessarily.

YANBU - the head sounds like a dickhead. As if an 8 year old has any agency over which water bottle they bring in.

I often think this is the reason for a lot of parents being “difficult” - they experienced shitty bullying teachers whilst at school and they still carry the scars.

He should know better - that automatically makes it clear to any children whose parents can't afford to buy a new bottle, who could be coming from bed and breakfast accommodation, from a separated parent's home, domestic abuse or just getting the heck out as soon as possible before someone wakes up that they will be held up as a bad, wildlife killing child.

There are plenty of children who would refuse to drink at all for fear of their 29p reused water bottle being waved around in front of the whole class whilst the Headteacher - the most senior person in the school - tells everybody how bad they are.

I think the teacher ór the headteacher could've had a quiet word with you at pick up or the next day at drop of. They could've asked about the plastic bottle and you could then tell them it was an exception. Since 8-years olds making their own decisions ánd purchases of waterbottles are extremely rare, your girl should've had the advantage of the doubt if this really was an environmental crime or just a busy morning on a hot schoolday.

And he didn't, he stated a fact as a general message, so that family don't just blindly lead them into habits of not caring at a young age when this message being put into them at this age is even more important.

It is a good quality.
She should not have been "told off" for this, she was shamed in front of a load of other kids for something that wasn't her fault, and made to feel really guilty. More kids should care about this stuff. Yours may be made of teflon but that's not automatically a good quality either.
I would be really cross about him singling out one kid, OP. Shitty behaviour. Fine to give a general message, not to pick on one kid.

Eat meat do you?

"Resilience" is a fucking stupid buzzword that should never be used to excuse bad behaviour from adults.

No, the Head was being a dick. An insensitive one at that!

HT sounds like a dick

as if any kid brings shop bought water evey day

🙄

What a complete tw@t teacher; virtue signalling to young children. I’d be letting her know her behaviour is bullying and alarming kids, that’s not the way to educate young people about ocean conservation.

This. What a load of tosh on this thread.

my family wouldn’t dream of drinking from a tap. I’m less strict on it than my family but I’d still use bottled water where I can. Or at least from a filter. Uk tap water is filth. The bottles are recycled.

The head knows that an eight year old won’t have bought the bottle, so he’s basically trying to shame you to your son. I would demand a meeting to discuss. I would bring three five hundred ml bottles of Evian to quench my thirst in the meeting and then put them in the regular bin at the school.