Headteacher criticised my daughter's water bottle

[Suchevilforebodings]

Slightly annoyed at my DD's headteacher. She is 8 and in Y3

I packed her bag yesterday morning and noticed as I filled up her water bottle that it was leaking from the lid. Grabbed another only to see it was split down the side. Annoying but one of those things.
When dropping her off at school, we popped into the local shop next door and grabbed her a large plastic bottle of water with a spout lid.

She came home from school yesterday and said that her headteacher, when visiting the classroom, had picked up her bottle from in front of her and told the whole class that this kind of bottle was "very bad" as it "ends up in the ocean and kills sea turtles" and a "proper" water bottle is much better to bring into school.

She's a very sensitive child was really quite upset and being told she's killing turtles, which she loves, and also at what she perceived as being "in trouble" as she loves school, is a good pupil, and hasn't ever been told off.

I get that the head isn't actually wrong, and I wouldn't normally buy bottled water but it was a "needs must" situation.

Was this an appropriate way to bring it up?

It may not be your ideal personality type, but some people are just built that way. It always amazes me that we accept that all adults are different, with their own quirks and qualities, while expecting children to be exactly the same and blaming parents when they aren’t.

My DC forgot their water bottle last week (Friday - so quite hot), I rang the school to see if the could ensure child has water and they said it was preferable for me to drop water bottle in. Fair enough! But I wasn't coming from home so had to grab a bottle of water from the shop. I explained this on the phone - that I would need to buy one and would be about an hour as I was AT WORK

When I dropped it in the receptionist said "oh you didn't bring her actual reusable water bottle? We thought you'd go home and get it". No I didn't go another 20 minutes out of my way to get her water bottle which was left out anyway so warm !!

We don't have a car, my 8yo has never been on a plane - my conscience is clear about a one fucking of bottle of water.

I take your point, but I worry about it particularly with a girl because we are taught to be compliant and do as we are told, often to the detriment of both ourselves as individuals and our sex as a whole.

Has he ever done anything postive? Is school a postive experience and are the staff hard working and kind?

Your daughter may have to face greater challenges in life other than a slightly clumsy coment about awater bottle.

He knew the bottle belonged to an 8-year-old. That should have been enough for a decent member of school staff not to say anything in the way he did.

He knew he was singling out one child by picking up one bottle. If he didn’t know which child it was that actually makes it worse, not better.

That’s a really good point too, and I agree girls are often socialised to be more submissive than they would naturally be. You’ve really made me think about this!

I'm sure most adults wouldn't be too pleased about being used as a bad example in front of 30 of their peers, for something that they had limited control over, let alone an 8 year old child. My daughter would also have been upset.

It's also a bit of a push to say that being upset about this is reflective of their general lack of resilience in everyday life...

You're not being unreasonable.

The rest of the class would know who it belonged to, of course it's embarrassing
Any adults would struggle with a similar situation never mind an 8 year old

If it happened to my child I'd definitely be speaking to the HT about it

I was ready to be judgy all over you and your hissy fit, OP, when I read the title, but I do find myself feeling really pissed off on behalf of your DD. At that age - and even when older - I would have been mortified to have been singled out like that. Use it as a tool to show your daughter that sometimes you will side with her, not the adult, and that adults can be unthinking fools sometimes, even when we mean well. My DCs loved it on the (rare) occasions that I sided with them in conversations just between us. They'd always beg me not to when I considered complaining, though!

And did the head really think it was down to a child that age anyway? If they have an issue they can raise it with the parent.

Oh God! One of “those” school receptionists. I hope you looked her in the eye and said “I thought you could have managed to provide a child with a cup of water on a hot day.” Absolutely ridiculous.

I’d be tempted to say something along those lines to the Head. Make him squirm a bit. “I completely agreed that a reusable bottle would have been preferable; unfortunately, we did not have time to replace the damaged one on the day, so had to make do with what we had. I also think it would have been preferable had your point about recycling been made in a generic way, rather than singling out an 8 year old girl who was very upset by the incident.”

I’m sure there was no malice intended, but it was bloody clumsy and words have consequences when you’re a person in that sort of position…..

Oh for goodness sake. It's not about resilience, it's about not being blamed for something you have no control over!

The head was 100% in the wrong here.

I also don't use disposable bottles unless I really need a drink when I am out and have forgotten to take my normal bottle with me.

I wonder whether the said head has bottles of bleach, shampoo, olive oil etc in his house in plastic bottles...

When I was ten my headteacher made an innocuous, ill-judged joke about me that was turned into a bullying comment that followed me til the end of primary.

And I'm sure I've made comments that I'm not proud of as an adult.

I think it's quite weird that people are putting it on the 8 yo to learn how to behave and roll with the punches, rather than seeing learning tact and kindness as a lifelong task. One that we'll all have good or bad days of, but we can only commit to keep learning.

If I were the head, I'd rather consider myself as capable of learning and improving than as someone who did nothing wrong!

(Also, I've reused a shop water bottle for 3 years + before, whilst my son's nursery bottle has broken within 8m!)

100% this and I also am a primary teacher.

The Head picked up her bottle and told the class how bad her bottle was... how in the world could that not be personal?

It was completely inappropriate. Even if she brought a single use bottle everyday, 8 year olds have limited control over what bottle they are given for school.

Yes it is. So crass. I have no respect for teachers who pick on children for choices it;s clear they have no control over, because their parents made them.

Quite.

OK, that's not what I asked for opinions on though is it? whether or not you feel my daughter is too compliant?

But the consumer needs to take some of the blame. By buying the bottle, you're creating demand for the product. Recycling is not as good for the environment as reusing products.

I buy plastic stuff too, I'm not blameless here. And recycling is better than chucking it out. But I don't think you can pretend it's an entirely neutral act and you are helpless.

Head shouldn't have raised it in that way though.

That was wrong of the HT and I'm not surprised your daughter was upset.

Fwiw, being sensitive is not a bad thing! Why does she need to toughen up at 8 years old, ffs!

For all the people scolding the OP about how her daughter shouldn't express her perfectly natural and age appropriate feelings, maybe ask yourself how you would feel if you were singled out and used as an example of horrible behaviour in front of a room full of people. Bet ya wouldn't like it much.

Couldn't the head make sure that kids have access to water without bringing in bottles?

My ds always loses water bottles so uses the evian bottles which we just refill everyday and then replace when needed. The bottles can be recycled

I'll forgive an 8 year old for perhaps being disproprtionately upset over something that wasn't their fault, far more quickly than I'll forgive a grown man, who comes with probably ten years' classroom experience and a post grad qualification, whose very role should render them to be emotionally aware.

@Suchevilforebodings note it, support your dd to move on and don't hesitate tongently use it should there ever be a meet the governors type of event.

I kind of do feel helpless though. The government must be doing something well dodgy when all the old British clothes and garbage are washing up on beaches in less developed countries. The dictators of those countries are being paid to dump our garbage in their waters/countries.

He sounds like a dick to do that. That would have really upset one of my children.

Presuming your school doesn’t sell inexpensive reusable water bottles like ours did, maybe he should sort that out rather than making children feel bad.

I would have a word, he needs to think about how he acts.