Feeling uncomfortable after sharing a seat with a very obese passenger

[Bayleaftree63]

On public transport earlier. A very large woman sits nexts to me. She couldn’t get the seat belt
round her. Her body spilt over into my seat, leaving me squashed with what little space there was left.

On the journey I couldn’t help be annoyed at the lack of space I was left with and questioning how do people let themselves get to that size. Talking morbidly obese, not just larger - whatever the medical
term.

This isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that big are happy? Why wouldn’t you want to loose some weight for a healthier lifestyle.

There are two separate issues here though. It’s reasonable to be physically uncomfortable sitting squashed up next to an obese person
It’s unreasonable to say how could they be happy with themselves and let themselves get to that size without losing the weight.
I’m obese as a result of Binge eating disorder, depression and a personality disorder, all caused by childhood abuse

I’m obese and it’s fucking shit! Everyone assumes that you are lazy and spends the day gorging on burgers and cakes. Depression and medication can be a factor.

I'm considered obese but still managed a 45 minute HIit class tonight in this heat so up yours with your fat shaming crap

I was sitting next to an obese man on the train (2 hour journey) last week, who sat with his legs spread open. There were no other free seats, and I was perched on half a buttock on the edge of my seat for the whole journey. He kept pushing his leg against mine to take up even more space.

Yes, obese people have a right to travel on public transport but I also have the right to sit in the seat that I’ve booked and paid for.

Except she's not being told off about being uncomfortable/exasperated etc. She's being called out for her nasty, faux naive "why are some people so fat?" Bullshit

To be fair. I am morbid obese and when i fly i book two seats, it is not fair on the other person to only have part of their seat.

I say this as a very fat person, if we wanna travel on a plane, we should buy two seats.
Why make other people suffer

That’s fair enough but do you like people expressing bewilderment about how you could have let yourself get in that state without just dieting and losing the weight?

@Bayleaftree63 This isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that big are happy? Why wouldn’t you want to loose some weight for a healthier lifestyle.

It should be obvious that it is not a conscious choice. Food addiction is a real addiction, and is every bit as real as other addictions.

You wouldn't be asking that question if someone was a smoker or drank alcohol. So why do you think obesity is different?

YANBU but many people will give you a hard time.

I once flew back long haul (from India) with a very obese person next to me. Her skin was touching mine all the time unless I squeeze myself into a corner of my seat.

Obesity might be an illness (yeah, right) but it’s not fair on those next to you to make no accommodations.

Oh, and National Express coaches have seatbelts.

Ok, so if you have an obese person squeezing the life out of you in your seat on a plane or where ever... who is at fault?

Speaking as the daughter of an obese mother, I think you're making a mistake in
1.assuming the person is happy
2.assuming the person wouldn't want to lose some weight

I don’t think you are unreasonable - I’m not small myself but I don’t think others should be made uncomfortable on long journeys either.

They are two separate issues. Being obese is noone's choice, it happens for all kinds of reasons and is a hard thing to overcome. Taking up someone else's space on a plane is just selfish. I wouldn't fly if I couldn't fit in my seat.

All our buses up here, Scotland, have seat belts. Not sure about trains as it's been ages since I was on one.

If its a bus or train you can always put your bag on the seat or sit in the aisle seat. Say you are "waiting for a friend." or "there are seats elsewhere". Ive done this on several occasions rather than having someone squash me in for hours. The large person can find a seat on their own.

Did you buy a seat for your bag?

No ofcourse not. Its mean

No I didn't buy a seat for my bag and a normal sized person is welcome to sit there. But I have a right to occupy the space Ive paid for and to act as gatekeeper to ensure that happens.

I went on a coach trip to Paris many years ago and an obese person went to sit by me. I told her "sorry this seat is for my friend. She's in the toilet". The obese person found a seat on her own for the trip. Of course she would have known later on I had lied when no friend joined me. That's not my problem.

'Normal sized'? 'Obese person'?

You sound like a right charrmer.

@Bayleaftree63 obesity is incredibly complex and highly correlated with certain disabilities, gynaecological conditions, mobility as well as mental health. I can tell you I've seen women on high calories who are thin and women who are on a very average amount of calories be very overweight. Often the latter have something that doesn't help change that reality. It's also heavily correlated with childhood adversity, including sexual abuse.

Of course not all obese people fit those categories, that enough that I'd never judge and always understand it's incredibly complex and not for any of us to know the details, only to offer support if asked.

I am elderly and morbidly obese,I find that if I cross the leg nearest the other passenger and sort of lean your body away also folding that arm in too,it helps somewhat and becomes only uncomfortable for myself and hopefully not too bad for them,however,the last time I sat like this on a bus I had a man that sat next to me and spread his legs unbelievably wide into my foot space that it was time to give up,you get a bit fed up with being seen as a nuisance,and the look of disgust or horror that you get is enough to gut you,I have stopped traveling entirely and thinking it best to just let the normal weight people use transport,I thoroughly agree it's not fair to intrude into their space.

I raise you a 28 hour Brisbane to Cairns Greyhound bus sitting beside a morbidly obese woman who had a child, well past the maximum age for lap travel, on her lap.

But it's clearly made up. Nobody calls a flight public transport but the stuffed up talking about seatbelts so she had to make it an flight.

Maybe they do desperately want to lose weight?

Spoil sport.