Feeling uncomfortable after sharing a seat with a very obese passenger

[Bayleaftree63]

On public transport earlier. A very large woman sits nexts to me. She couldn’t get the seat belt
round her. Her body spilt over into my seat, leaving me squashed with what little space there was left.

On the journey I couldn’t help be annoyed at the lack of space I was left with and questioning how do people let themselves get to that size. Talking morbidly obese, not just larger - whatever the medical
term.

This isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that big are happy? Why wouldn’t you want to loose some weight for a healthier lifestyle.

If it was a flight then she would have needed a seat belt extender. Didn’t the cabin crew check!

Be honest, would you though? The OP might be being mean, but would she be encroaching on your space on the National Express and stuffing you into the window or pushing you into the aisle? Would she annoy you the whole journey, even unintentionally like the larger passenger would do? I often think these replies are virtue signalling.

People can relate and support the idea that anyone who extends into their seat should have to purchase a second seat - including very obese folks, very tall folks, parents who mistakenly believe they can have a chunky 23 month old as a lap baby. This should be made as easy as possible (which is not currently the case)

the same people can also say that op is judgemental, fat phobic and faux naive.

All these comments being politically correct…. We know what we are suppose to say. That’s all well and good when you’re not the person swished into half or less of a seat because the large person encroaches on your property.
Absolutely no problem when you’re not sharing unequally that space.

How I let myself get to this size?

self sabotage. ADHD. Abused as a child. Cancer.

feel better about yourself now?

chubbers gonna chub.

Maybe she was unhappy and would like to lose weight. Maybe she’s actually a stone lighter than she was last month so is losing weight. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve had uncomfortable journeys due to sitting next to obese people, but it can’t be easy for them either, both being overweight and knowing that people judge, gets annoyed etc. It’s just sitting next to them for a journey for me where as they have to cope every day so it’s probably best to show a bit more kindness.

This is it, isn't it? Sugar raises dopamine, which makes us feel happy for a while. Sometimes food is comfort and the nicest part of the day, even the sitting down to eat for a few moments, just with our thoughts is nice.

Sorry you're having a tough time of it and kudos with your mum. It's a very very hard thing to go through and send hugs.

I am a very healthy weight, very into the gym, have abs etc. You sound very lacking in basic empathy, kindness, and, moreover, intelligence.

Hasn't this topic been done to bloody death yet?

I've had disordered eating since childhood. My adult weight has been everything between 6 and 21 stone. If I read one more thread which starts with a variant of 'why oh why do these disgusting sweaty people not just fix themselves' I will hunt down the OP and sit on her.

This would be my up there with my worst nightmares. Not one bit interested in why people are the weight they are, wouldn’t judge anyone, a persons size is one of the least interesting things about them. I couldn’t cope with the sensory aspect of physically touching a stranger for a journey, this is where it becomes tricky when someone through no choice of their own is encroaching on your seat. But also I think about that poor person and how it must make them feel. Perhaps it’s time to make at least some bigger seats on planes? 🤷‍♀️

Perhaps you have never heard of addictions, eating disorders, depression or compulsive behaviour? Do some reading OP, it's more useful than faux-naive questions.

And just to be clear … this isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that judgemental are happy?

Yes. I'm sure OP meant school bus.

Most people who are bigger don't want to be. It is bloody hard for some people to lose weight. You are an idiot.

Twats gonna twat.

what can you do hey?

Perhaps it's time seats got bigger, people in the UK are much bigger and still rising.
Not about signalling that it's ok, more the catering to the reality of the situation. I guess though that costs companies profits.

And OP, while a lot of people are bigger than they should be, there are quite a lot of genuinely poorly people who's weight goes up.

Probably easier to lose weight than to stop being a twat too!

😂😂😂

On one of the hottest days of the year, sitting like this for minimum one hour (I know there are shorter flights, this is a guess) ’leaving me squashed with what little space there was left’ is going to affect how OP feels about the discomfort she was in, that other people sharing double seats were not left in.

I think we can give OP some grace here. Yes, obesity is a complicated thing with its roots in childhood, difficult upbringings etc, but OP must have had an extremely uncomfortable journey squashed up to another person on a hot day through no fault of her own.

Are we not allowed to acknowledge that? If not, why not?

What’s the point of posting it though? Some people are overweight, we all know that. They still have to travel. Or what should they do?

Many of us will have had uncomfortable journeys like this, I have, but you just deal with it because what can you do? I’m sure overweight people don’t feel great about making you uncomfortable, they’re probably very aware that they are making the other person uncomfortable, that people judge etc.

What’s the point of saying it on a forum other than to upset people? Just deal with it and get on with your day.

My mother used to be genuinely puzzled as to why some people were poor. 'Why don't they get a well-paid job?' she used to say. With some justification, I suppose, as my father had a well-paid job and she didn't have to work.

My dad would watch things like 'My 600lb Life' and pretty much shout at the TV about how they were so big and did not seem to notice... how could they not see they were getting bigger.
His BMI was over 40.

I understand that, and agree, but I think for me it comes under ‘why does anyone post anything on here’ - and I can quite imagine it was ‘I’m bloody hot, sweaty, flight was delayed, coffee was shit and I couldn’t even sit in my own seat properly’.

People post in frustration all the time, this seems like OP had valid reasons to be annoyed or upset (and obese people are coming from a complicated backstory, both are true) but people are being incredibly harsh to OP. This happens all day long, harsh words to people posting in frustration, who don’t deserve them.

If the obese passenger posted ‘had to sit next to someone on the flight today, wish she’d sat elsewhere so I had more room’ people wouldn’t have posted ‘yeah, she sounds like a right bitch, she could have sat elsewhere’ would they? They both paid for a seat, they both sat in it. One was extremely uncomfortable through no fault of her own. I don’t think it’s too much to say to OP ‘oh goodness, that sounds like a tough journey on a dreadfully hot day’.

Maybe what I’m actually saying is ‘why cant we talk nicely to each other? If we could do that, would the issues we are facing in our daily lives lessen somewhat? I have more capacity to speak nicely to OP because I wasn’t sitting in her seat today.

Or are we happy that someone who comes here in frustration (having experienced a situation that no one else here actually did) is told that it’s way past her bedtime and she’ll be tired at school tomorrow? Is that the Mumsnet we all want? Full of angry shouty people?