Feeling uncomfortable after sharing a seat with a very obese passenger

[Bayleaftree63]

On public transport earlier. A very large woman sits nexts to me. She couldn’t get the seat belt
round her. Her body spilt over into my seat, leaving me squashed with what little space there was left.

On the journey I couldn’t help be annoyed at the lack of space I was left with and questioning how do people let themselves get to that size. Talking morbidly obese, not just larger - whatever the medical
term.

This isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that big are happy? Why wouldn’t you want to loose some weight for a healthier lifestyle.

You still have so much life ahead of you. Live for you. You are just as important as your family and friends. You could turn your life around if you wanted. Lose weight, eat healthy, take up hobbies, go on day trips when you can, see the world a different way. Would your mum want you to give up like this? She brought you into the world. Hugs Pixie.

@ilovepixie that's incredibly sad to hear. Please seek help. If not for you then for people who care. Even us! Please, seek help.

💙

@ilovepixie sending you a hug.

I was on a long distance Greyhound bus in Australia once. 10+ hours. I boarded and the person already in the assigned seat next to me was like this, and half into my seat. She chucked and said something along the lines of, good job you're skinny. I'm not. I'm normal size.

The journey was so uncomfortable for me, and seemed never ending as I couldn't sit in my seat properly. I'm not being funny, but she should have booked out two seats for herself, as she needed two. I'm a live and let live usually, but not if it impacts on others.

@Hadenough32 coaches

It was an internal flight. I didn’t mean to offend anyone, it was a genuine question.

It sounds like you were disgusted by her.

What a tough time you’re having. I know what it’s like caring for someone with dementia. It absolutely sucks the life out of you. So often when we’re caring for someone else, we forget to take care of ourselves. I’m sorry things are so tough for you

If it was a genuine question - I was perfectly happy as a big woman (hence the username!) and had no interest in losing weight for that reason.

I was big, and comfortable being so. Happy in all of my skin.

The only reason I even started losing weight was because of an unavoidable health issue, otherwise I’d have been satisfied staying the size I was.

No one is that tone deaf but I’ll bite. You might as well ask whether drug addicts or alcoholics like being addicts, it’s no different as people use food to cope with difficult lives, just as they do alcohol and drugs.

No one in the history of anything has ever described an aircraft as public transport 🤭. What's the alternative, flying private?

Why have you conceded that she was happy? She’s probably not happy

What’s the question? How are fat people happy?

I’d imagine people of all sizes go through the same range of emotions as you do.

IME there is a proportion of women who are very, very conscious of their weight. They aren’t all fat; lots of them are skinny or a healthy weight. There is also a proportion of women who don’t give a shit about their weight. Weight doesn’t factor into the happiness of lots of people.

There is a very strong relationship between childhood trauma, including sexual abuse, and morbid obesity in adulthood. Severe obesity is a very complex disease.

If you didn't mean to offend why did you write an offensive OP ?

Why wouldn’t you want to loose some weight for a healthier lifestyle.
Do you genuinely think she hasn't tried? Do you think it's possible to exist as a fat woman in today's society and not be constantly told how much better your life would be if you just lost some weight?
A close family member of mine is obese. She's always been larger than average and in middle age, due to complex health conditions has become obese. Every single time she sees a health professional, which is frequently, her weight is the first thing they talk about.
Fat people are allowed to exist. Fat people are even allowed to be happy without wanting to change themselves to get the approval of small minded people like you.

Since when is a flight public transport? Goady post is goady.

@Bayleaftree63 I was morbidly obese, 22st, probably much like the woman you describe. I was not happy at that weight. The woman you saw today is probably also not happy being that weight. She was probably very aware of not fitting into the seat and of offending you and squashing you.

People like me and the woman you saw today will have tried millions of times to lose weight, unsuccessfully. Often you have some short term success but then you regain and usually gain more. It’s a well known cycle that is almost impossible to get out of once you’ve headed that way. I don’t think you quite understand the consistent sustained effort it takes to lose large amounts of weight.

Obesity is not simply the result of calories in - calories out. There are many factors contributing to it.

The main cause seems to be insulin resistance which is exacerbated by carbohydrates turning to sugar. Diets that reduce carbs and increase protein and fats are often very successful.

But they can be hard to maintain because our bodies crave sugar, fat and salt and the modern food industry has created a lot of gorgeous-tasting food high in sugar, fat and salt that we crave. Snacking also doesn’t help because the body needs hours of rest from eating to digest the food.

I promise you that woman will have tried everything to lose weight, and often that includes beliefs like calories in = Calories out. She will feel shame about her weight and blame herself when it’s the food industry that is most to blame.

She may have spent most of her life trying to lose weight and will likely die obese. It is a tragedy and we should be doing more to ensure we eat nutritious food prepared from scratch to overcome obesity.

To be fair on OP I had a morbidly obese coworker and within about 20min after work started, her t-shirt was already a pool of sweat. It’s just a consequence of the weight.

I wouldn’t want anyone sweating glued to me in this heat, thin or obese. Hell, I don’t even want my partner being skin to skin with me right now.

She may not be "happy" being that big. She may not have been in a position to "let" herself get that big.

However I would have felt very uncomfortable at having to sit in a cramped seat where a stranger's body was encroaching onto mine and touching me. If there had been any option to move I would have wanted to. If there wasn't anywhere to move to, I may have felt resentment - I had no power or ability to take action to ensure a base level of comfort for the journey, but the other person could or should have known they would need extra space and made arrangements for this.

I don’t really think it is my business to question why people allow themselves to become that big, ultimately it’s their life.
But I do think it is very selfish if you are obese to book only 1 seat on a plane. I’d either pay for two or I wouldn’t travel. You’re literally spilling over into someone else’s personal space.

The real issue here is with the airline's seating policy, not the passenger themselves

Saying that, OP I highly doubt they’re that size because they want to. Losing weight is incredibly difficult.

YANBU to feel uncomfortable feeling squashed, but YABVU for the fat shaming after.

If losing weight was easy, no one would be obese.