Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

[Laurenn25]

I’ve been single for three years, single Mum to primary age DC who I’ve put first during that time. Only recently did I start looking to date again, I’ve met someone who I get along really well with and we’ve arranged a weekend away for mid-July.

My best friend had been on for a while about the two of us going away for a weekend, but for various reasons I didn’t outright commit to this. I told her it would depend on a few factors including finances.

I’ve told her about my planned weekend with the man I’m seeing and she got really funny and asked is that why I can’t go away with her. I said it wasn’t as simple as that. She said we’ve been friends for years and as soon as I’ve got a ‘sniff of cock’ I’ve dropped her. I haven’t dropped her at all.

It’s true I probably could have gone away with her, but I didn’t commit to it and can’t afford two trips now. She has made me feel a bit crap.

Really surprised by the responses here. I wouldn’t expect any friends to go on weekends away with me. There’s no way we have the budget for that type of thing. I don’t know any women my age who would habitually prioritise that over an occasional break with a partner, which you arguably kind of ‘need’ more to ensure you get a chance to really focus on each other.

Going away overnight anywhere is definitely more of a couples’ thing (or solo thing!) to do, in my mind. Or it’s something very young people do as they’re exploring the world.

I wonder if it’s generational? I’m early 50s. The last time I went on an overnight break with a friend was like, age 19 or something. Sounds draining tbh — I love my friends but wouldn’t want to be socially ‘on’ all day/evening/next day.

Wow. You are unbelievably nasty.

Your friend deserves better friends

Why? OP doesn’t owe her friend a holiday, and never agreed to go away with her.

Why would you not have different bedrooms? Not sure how her being overweight would impact your trip.

I do see what she means but dont like the way she put it.

You don't sound like a very good friend, and you are clearly incompatible. From your posts you don't seem to like her at all. Do her a favour and cut her loose. She deserves better

Be careful op because if/when your new relationship goes tits up you’ll want your friend around.

Which is fine

But op wasn't honest. She led her along that she wanted to go away with her, made up excuses to never commit to a booking and then as soon as she gets a boyfriend, has a weekend away planned

Absolutely fine to not want to go away with a friend. But be honest in the first place rather than stringing her along.

To be honest op, people on here always preach on about being assertive, having boundaries and not being pressured into doing things you don’t want to do. No is a complete sentence remember 😂

As soon as someone does that they are automatically a shit friend. You want to go away with the new man and you don’t want to go away with her, it’s that simple really and you should just do what you want. The sniff of cock remark is vile and would put me off her anyway, who does she think she is?

I can see why she’s a bit peeved from her pov but I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Would people really expect you to go along with her just to keep her happy?

Yep. I'm another who is baffled by the responses. The friend wasn't owed first shout. She wanted a weekend away together but in order for that to happen, the OP has to want it too. There is no obligation on OP's part to be her friend's sole holiday option.

Going away with your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse is a totally different set-up to going away with a pal.

She feels a bit hurt Op.

Not much. They sound like the typical drip feed when the poll isn't going OP's way. They may be valid points but it's obviously relevant so why not lead with that?

She doesn't have to go, but people are just saying they can see why the friend might be hurt. That stops well short of saying she ought to have gone.

I know someone who just turned down a marriage proposal. I don't think she should have taken it, but I'd be a bit🤔 if she was complaining about him being hurt - which he is (and she isn't perplexed or complaining about that).

Or just what @sodtheexpense said.

God forbid this woman have preferences and make a choice instead of putting herself out on demand.

They had been discussing where to go and swapping ideas though, can you really not comprehend at all why the friend may be a little upset that OPs now said no because of not being able to afford 2 trips? Have you never felt disappointment about something that isn’t 100% rational before?

I just love the expression sniff of cock tho 😂

The op should have given a clear no her friend clearly thought a mates weekend break was on the cards and thus the disappointment.

People need to be clearer in their intentions and words.

No friend I won’t holiday with you as you snore like a rhino. Rather than maybe if everything falls into place that would be great.

she has some habits which to be honest grate when I’ve had a weekend away with her before, the suggestions she made were all pricier than I’d have liked (I made other suggestions which she wasn’t keen on) So is it the snoring or the money? If the money is one of the reasons, then why do you even need to bring up her weight or the snoring?

I seem to be the only one who found 'sniff of cock' funny. If someone had said that to me Id have laughed and said, 'your not wrong. i love you, but cock wins'. But me and my mates talk to each other like this, and we totally get that a mucky weekend is a lot more exciting than a girls weekend.

Completely agree with this.

OP has a new boyfriend. She's allowed to spend a weekend away with him, instead of with the best friend she sees 3-4 times/ month anyway. The best friend taking issue with that, and the disgusting expression she used about it, are the problems here.

@Laurenn25 enjoy your weekend with the boyfriend. Maybe rethink the friendship though - I'm not sure she's all that happy for you.

uh oh. The votes not going well

Yeh I do think your mate is being a bit of a dick (pardon the pun). She should be thrilled for you that you are getting some long overdue action. Lets face it, a girls weekend will not offer than same at all. Its an exciting new time for you OP. Dont let her sourness ruin it.

Her wording was harsh but she's right.

I’ve been in a seperate bedroom before and still heard her. She’s that loud. Plus we would likely still have to share a bathroom too so I couldn’t escape that annoyance either.

I see her almost weekly, I’ve not stopped seeing her.

Hmm. I lost a friend because she started seeing someone and instantly dropped our pre-arranged plans so she could go and shag him instead. I called her out on it (which was huge for me as a perpetual people pleaser) and she ghosted me. Don't be the friend who drops her mates for a new man. He might not be around forever and that's when you'll want your friends.