Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

[Laurenn25]

I’ve been single for three years, single Mum to primary age DC who I’ve put first during that time. Only recently did I start looking to date again, I’ve met someone who I get along really well with and we’ve arranged a weekend away for mid-July.

My best friend had been on for a while about the two of us going away for a weekend, but for various reasons I didn’t outright commit to this. I told her it would depend on a few factors including finances.

I’ve told her about my planned weekend with the man I’m seeing and she got really funny and asked is that why I can’t go away with her. I said it wasn’t as simple as that. She said we’ve been friends for years and as soon as I’ve got a ‘sniff of cock’ I’ve dropped her. I haven’t dropped her at all.

It’s true I probably could have gone away with her, but I didn’t commit to it and can’t afford two trips now. She has made me feel a bit crap.

That’s fair comment. If you didn’t mention to her about the expensive choices though that’s why she’s probably jumping to conclusions.

I can hardly turn round to her and say ‘you are overweight and I can’t cope with your snoring’ can I?

I mean it’s how it looks isn’t it.

Can’t get a free weekend to holiday with a mate but the second it’s a man with the possibility for sex boom weekend free.

Wow you sound lovely. So I take it your new man doesn’t snore then 😅

I think OP should have led with the reasons she wasn’t keen - that they’d holidayed together before and it hadn’t always gone brilliantly, and they couldn’t agree on a budget or destination - from the point at which the idea of another holiday was initially raised. In her friend’s eyes, it’s now inevitably going to feel like she’s been dropped because a boyfriend has come onto the scene, and is being given excuses.

Don’t go running to her when your man friend relationship doesn’t work.

Well no because only an utter bitch would say that.

You could however say 'I'm sorry but your snoring keeps me awake'?

Something else you clearly can't see...

You should have just been honest though.

I love you you’re a great mate but you snore like a bloody chunuk so unless we can get separate rooms I’m not sure we can holiday for a weekend.

Id respect that as a mate 🤷🏻‍♀️

You sound like a crap friend tbf! Enjoy your holibobs with the mr though.

I think I’d be a bit upset too

She’s allowed to do that.

What if the best friend suggests something every weekend? She’s going to say ‘no’ to that too. She already sees her every weekend. Why can’t someone say ‘I’m going away with my new boyfriend this weekend’?

Although she might not if the friend is going to give her grief about it every time.

With some friends I would have said as much but I know she’d take it personally- she can be very highly strung.

Can't you get separate bedrooms?

You’ve admitted yourself it’s true that you could have gone away with her so you’ve answers the question of why she has an issue for yourself.

I have a friend who is an absolute nightmare when she’s seeing someone. She never answers messages, will never commit to future plans incase they get in the way of something with the current man and is just downright flaky.

It’s annoying and frustrating.

Do you not think you allow her to get away with doing that though?

You could have said ‘I used to have a friend…..but I don’t see her much now as she didn’t value our friendship and was quick to drop me’.

Of course you can tell her the snoring makes it very difficult to share a room.

Hope the new man doesn't snore 😆

I can understand why you'd want to go away with a new boyfriend, especially if you've got kids/there's no private place you can both be together for a weekend-you might feel the things you'd be doing with your friend you can do at home, but you don't want the new man at your place around your kids/where someone you know might gossip yet. Don't know if that is the case, but if so explain. I can see why she'd feel upset otherwise, but if you're serious about this man, maybe seeing him as a potential husband, I totally get why you feel upset she spoke about him like that.

It sounds like you don’t want to be as close friends as she does, tbh. Which is fine, but I think you have to be honest with yourself about it.

I agree re the trip with her that you should have been more honest and said “these options are too expensive for me, I can’t afford that as I’d need my own room - I’m afraid I’m a light sleeper and your snoring keeps me awake”.

But then I also would have been less honest re the trip with new man, and not mentioned it to her!

”A sniff of cock” is a horrible expression.

I think also this friendship may have run its course. It sounds like she wants to be very enmeshed as friends, and quite reasonably you don’t want that.

No...but you could have put that you want your own room in a tactful way

It sounds like you have been loosely planning a weekend away with her for a while, but never committed, and other than finances, not given reasons as to why you havent committed but now you have a boyfriend, have suddenly found the money to go away with him and got it all planned and booked.

Can you not see why she's hurt and feels let down? Because I can.

And I agree a trip with a new boyfriend is very different to a trip with a mate - I can understand why you are more enthusiastic about that prospect but equally I think you could have handled the friend’s (perhaps unreasonable) expectations better.

She is being ridiculous and trying to ruin your weekend away.

I have a dear friend of 20 years, we get on great but I don’t like going away with her. Not because if who she is, she is great, but we just aren’t cut out to share a room and we have different ideas of fun.

It’s not fair of her to expect this of you, does she not have other friends?

Ding ding ding.

Once again the only on mumsnet "friend" who can't stand their "friend."

If that's how you feel why the hell does it matter who is right or wrong here, what did you want from this?

To be honest I can see her point. You can go away with your new partner but not her. I understand about the affordability difference but you should have explained that to her. Do many people drop their friends when they enter a new relationship but expect their friends to be there if it does not work out and then are shocked that things arw different.

"Sniff of cock" is a horrible way to say it...but she has a point