Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

[Laurenn25]

I’ve been single for three years, single Mum to primary age DC who I’ve put first during that time. Only recently did I start looking to date again, I’ve met someone who I get along really well with and we’ve arranged a weekend away for mid-July.

My best friend had been on for a while about the two of us going away for a weekend, but for various reasons I didn’t outright commit to this. I told her it would depend on a few factors including finances.

I’ve told her about my planned weekend with the man I’m seeing and she got really funny and asked is that why I can’t go away with her. I said it wasn’t as simple as that. She said we’ve been friends for years and as soon as I’ve got a ‘sniff of cock’ I’ve dropped her. I haven’t dropped her at all.

It’s true I probably could have gone away with her, but I didn’t commit to it and can’t afford two trips now. She has made me feel a bit crap.

Which is fine.

But would you string your friend along by letting her think you will book a trip with her, but never have the money, and then suddenly find the money to go away with your new bloke?

No, but there are tactful ways of putting things like that. Obviously.

I would be happy for you, and hope you find happiness, you can't give your friend all of your free time, you've been away together before, and meet-up regularly, she sounds a bit clingy. There will be other opportunities to go away with her, but you need to think of yourself sometimes, The vulgar comment she made was insulting, you've been celibate for a while, having put your child first. Maybe she's jealous.

If someone said that to me I think it would be a friendship deal breaker 😂 but thankfully none talk like that

I see both sides.

I understand why your friend is hurt that you can't make time to go away with her but can make time to go away with your new bloke.

But I can also see that, as a mum, going away is a lot of effort and there are easier ways to see and spend time with your friend, whereas I assume you do quite fancy shagging your new bloke which really requires you to get in some time away from the DC. It's not comparable. So I think YANBU.

I think when someone doesn’t want to commit to a weekend away, people should take the hint and stop asking.

If someone told me there are ‘a few factors’ hindering them from going away with me, i would back away.

I am having a similar ‘conversation’ with my (adult) DD but if I go away with her I pay for us both and when I go away with b/f we split everything!

Chicks before sniffing dicks.

How could she NOT take that personally? I mean, it's about her.

It’s a weekend away(which costs money and requires childcare), but in a different situation with a different person that she’d rather go away with = a better offer. For ‘fucks sake’ calm down, it’s not that deep.

Ugh. She said that? I wouldn't want to go for a weekend with her either.

Also there are ways to avoid that, you could get an AirBNB with separate rooms? I think if you just don't want to go away with her because you're not aligned on what to do, you could say that, but otherwise I do see where she is coming from. I have been your friend in this situation (not specifically the weekend but being somewhat ditched timewise for a very very new man after being there through thick and thin) and it does really hurt, and also affect the friend's willingness to step back in in future.

Well of course she would take it personally, you just said your reasoning is ‘you’re overweight and you snore’, why do you need to cite her weight even hypothetically? Slim people can snore too

Admit it
You didn't want to go away with her
So why lead her on and not use your words and be honest
I can't have himmers and hawers
Fence sitters
No wonder she is annoyer

The more you post about her, the more I think you just don't like her. She is highly strung and too fat and has habits too gross to share a room with her.

Maybe you never liked her very much, or maybe it's a new thing.

Anyway, if you don't care for her company, why does her opinion matter to you? Just do what you like.

Tell her a white lie that he’s actually treating you to the weekend away and that it’s not something you could afford or plan otherwise. If she questions why you’re only saying that now, say you didn’t want to go into financial details.

I get invited to plenty of things I don’t want to do, so I don’t do them. Sometimes it’s necessary to make an excuse to save someone’s feelings!

Then you could have had another reason for separate rooms
I just like my own space

Yeah I’d be pissed at u

So you are projecting your situation on poor OP and making her responsible for your friend’s poor behavior? Does that make sense to you?

Why on earth did you tell her how silly

Surprised by the replies tbh. OP's time isn't an equal opportunities scheme. What are we saying - that unless and until she can afford two trips away she mayn't spend a weekend away with her new boyfriend? That's not a reasonable position for her friend to take imo. But if she's otherwise a good friend, I'd reassure her that she isn't being sidelined in the general scheme of things, just for this particular 48 hours. "Sniff of cock" is a horrible phrase though and makes her sound jealous and shaming.

Exactly! A weekend away with a new partner is different from one with an old friend, I’d hope so anyway! OP doesn’t owe her friend a holiday.

Team friend here. Doesn't sound like you even like her?!

If my friend had been single for 3 years and wanted to prioritise a weekend away with a new man, I'd be ecstatic for her! Going away with a friend is completely different to a date. She's out of order. * *

OP doesn’t want to go away with her because she’s ‘overweight and snores’ and has other annoying habits, so I don’t think she otherwise considers her a good friend. It’s totally understandable that the friend is a bit upset about it, although I agree her language was rubbish.