Failing to manage work and childcare even when I am trying my best.

[Seasideparadise]

I am probably going to lose my job soon as a result of frequent absences due to illness or my children being ill after catching the viruses from me.

I just don’t know how other people do it. I haven’t got family support around me and have got two small children. My DH works full time in a very demanding job but he is very accommodating and works around childcare responsibilities. We still struggle a lot. We have had a bad couple of months when we have been ill with viruses. Surprisingly it has been me being sick first due to the nature of my work and then bringing the illness home. I now have been warned that due to the amount of days I was sick I can lose my job if I have got another day off sick in the next 12 months. That includes any dependant leave and I just can’t see how I can force myself to not get sick.

All the absences were to cover viral illnesses and stomach bugs as I cannot imagine asking any friend to look after my sick kids. I go in every single day for example even when I had multiple broken toes.

I am so down as I am trying to do my best both at home and at work but I just can’t seem to make things work.

the point wasn’t children, it was about how regularly you are getting ill at work.

are you going to answer any of the other, more important, questions? Or are we all just wasting our time here?

But arent they catching stuff from the nursery kids and being off sick for themselves?

And you havent said about your husband catching everything from you and the kids and being off sick. Whats he doing differently

Nurseries are notorious for poor conditions for workers, you have my sympathies.

Yiu probably do this but I work with children and am constantly washing hands, using sanitiser and never eat anything at work without washing my hands thoroughly first. I also take vitamins, drink a lot and really look after yourself when I first feel ill. You’ve still not said how old your children are.

What do you mean what is he doing differently? We all get sick with the same virus. Have you ever had a flu or norovirus ? If it wipes across nursery of course it wipes in the apartment where 4 people closely interact together. So he gets sick too as well but usually by the time he is recovered one of the kids is unwell afterwards. So me being sick and my dependants being sick it all adds up to this situation. We all do wash our hands all the time it’s through sneezing and coughing we get the viruses not washing our hands.

So is he on a warning for time of sick from work also then,? As if so I can't see how he can't take off more time over the next 6 months

I don’t think OP wants advice, she wants permission to leave her job

He won't be on a warning because he's only taking sick leave for himself. The most he will do when the kids are sick is work from home "if he can". If he "can't" because his bosses wouldn't like it then OP has to be the one to take parental leave, hence she's the one on a warning for absence.

Single working parents are quite literally superheroes have no idea how they do it

I think it’s the expectation that parents have a back up plan which is so unfair as it’s really down to luck as to whether you do rather than poor planning. I work just 2 days a week and work as much as possible when I know my DH is off to try and minimise the absences I take. I nearly didn’t return to work because of previous stress over absence when the kids sick. The culture did seem to change a lot thankfully in Covid when all those who assume everyone has a spare grandparent on standby for such events suddenly couldn’t use their back up plan

But she shouldn't be taking sick leave when it's not her ill.

This. You can get someone off bubble in literally 10 minutes in any major city.

So you're making minimum wage and stressing it? Just quit.

OP it sounds awfully like you've been ringing in 'sick' not only when you are poorly yourself, but also when your children are poorly?

Thats not appropriate. If its not you yourself thats poorly you should be asking to use annual leave, or unpaid leave. Im afraid as a parent of young childen you do have to hold by 5-10 days of annual leave not for holidays but for when your children are ill, thats just life as a parent. You absolutely ahould reach a point where your kids immune systems strengthen and they don't get ill so often - my kids havent had more than a light cold (which isnt enough to stay off school) in years

Agree your DH needs to potentially help more but there are so many variables.

this v much depends on your salaries and the type of jobs you have.

if he is earning a much higher salary and his job requires travel, long days, client meetings etc and is v demanding then that is the priority job. It’s unfair but the way it goes.

And if there are no grandparents or aunts etc to help, and you have no room in the house for say an au pair then things become harder.

if all of the above applies then sadly it can mean the only option to keep sanity at bay and the house ticking is that you find a job that allowed some WFH, part time if you can afford to. Or you stop completely to be a full time SAHP. It’s unfair and pants but often the only option.

Infrastructure, childcare costs etc need a reform to allow both parents to fully commit to their work.

I am sorry that you are experiencing this at work. It always worries me when non-health professionals recommend people taking a multivitamin... these may not be recommended if you are on medication. I would suggest speaking to your GP. I guarantee they will say, viruses etc are inevitable, healthy people do get sick and you should follow sick day rules. Ask your employer to carry out a comprehensive risk assessment regarding risks of allowing children to remain in the nursery with symptoms of illness. You also have the legal right to take unpaid leave for parental responsibilities which I know is not ideal, but you can't be disadvantaged if you need to look after your kids. If you could survive doing agency instead, this may be a great option but I'd want to know if there is the demand in your area before leaving a permanent post. Good luck.

Can you protect yourself from the bugs at work so you don’t catch illnesses as frequently? More frequent hand washing/wearing a face mask etc? Do you have a weakened immune system that means you’re susceptible to viruses?
children are basically petri-dishes with legs. I know it may not be practical but anything you can do to minimise risk, may help.