To not let my children go away without us for three days?

[happypaints]

My mil wants to take my sons for three nights so they can take them somewhere.
Over dinner I was asked to ‘send some dates that they are free for X trip, they’ll need three nights’.
All said in front of my children and without prior discussion with us.
I haven’t sent dates yet, I actually don’t want to at all! My youngest isn’t nearly old enough for this sort of trip, we haven’t done this sort of trip with them yet so I don’t want to miss out on their first, and I think three nights is too long.
AIBU to not allow this?

Sounds great to me. And a lovely treat to the children.

This!

Give over is 4 too young, why are people here talking like 4 years old is a babe in arms? They’re walking, talking, weaned, potty trained young children. Very normal for close families to be comfortable for other people to be looking after a 4 year old.

Also don’t understand the comments about 4 year olds not enjoying theme parks, you have no idea what the theme park is. Drayton Manor, Disney, Legoland, Paultons Park even Alton Towers are all great for those ages, plenty to go on.

Merely related?? It’s their grandchildren for heavens sake, we’re not talking about some random distant relative who has popped up out of nowhere offering to take them away for three days. Honestly think MN is an alternative universe at times.

Have you asked why it needs to be 3 days?

I would have thought 2 would be plenty - drive there in the morning and have the day there, spend the night, have a few more hours the next day and then drive home.

Unless they’re just thinking it will be less tiring to sleep there the night before and have 1 full day in the park and then sleep again before driving back the next day.

Agreed. Alton Towers has CBeebies land for the youngest and Chessington is good.

Personally I’d be fine with this and see it as a lovely thought!
do you get so anxious when you take your dc on holiday? The likelihood is that your dc will have a great time, but I would suggest they only go for 2 nights because they’ve already been n a sleepover for that length. Out of interest, what was the reason for that sleepover?

The adults should have discussed this before it was mentioned in front of the children - I found that manipulative.

this would be why I said not now tbh. I would tell them clearly that if they spring plans on you without talking about it with you and DH, it’s going to be an automatic no.

tell them that it’s manipulative and unfair.

tell them that it’s too much for them at this stage, but you and H will happily allow it if you come along too.

If it is somewhere like Legoland or I assume more likely Disney then no I would not want their first experience there to be without me. And I also can’t imagine (if I ever become a grandparent) to think I had first dibs on such a trip and mention it first in front of the DC. If as granny I knew my adult DC couldn’t afford such a trip with their children and we could I would offer to pay for them to go (asking the parents first) and if they were happy for me to tag along then I would come. If Disney was a regular trip for grandchildren then I might ask parents if we could take them sometime but as a first (unless I knew parents would rather chew their arm off than go to Disney) I would never ask to take them

It makes me laugh so hard… how can so many people fail to appreciate that not all parents are the same? Not all in laws etc?

my own mother HURT my then 6yo son. On purpose. That was the last time she had him alone, and one of the very last times she saw him. He’s in his 20s now.

4 is too big for prams usually and exhausting to take out for the day as they say my legs are tired Carry carry carry! You have to run to the toilet when they need to go which can be a distance when you’re out somewhere, need snacks every 10 mins and it’s very hard to reason with them… it’s a lot to take 4yos away.

I think if its disney you may have a point and I can understand why you haven't taken them yet.

However if it is any UK theme park; chessington, paultons, legoland etc. Then I think you are being unfair. It sounds like fil is planning on going to so can sit out with 4 year old if there is a bigger ride 8 year old wants to go on.

The first time we took our kids to a theme park, they were 5 and 2, it was with mil funnily enough and they loved it.

If they are involved grandparents then i really can't see the issue. My mil has taken my kids to a caravan park on her own for a few nights when they were similar ages. There was no issue and it was nice for them to spend time with her. And I say this as someone who doesnt always see eye to eye with my mil.

Kindly, you're making this about you and your feelings. if it's not disney and the kids want to go, I can't see an issue.

Weird OP. I would have snapped their arms off !

Id be happy at that age if the kids were. Ask them. Are they used to sleepovers with them?

It's not weird at all. OP would like to be with her children when they first visit a theme park. Her PILs didn't ask their son and OP if that would be OK, they just announced it in front of the children, making it difficult for OP to say no.

These PILs are overbearing and over-stepping rather than lovely.

I think it says a lot about the GPs if they mention this first in front of the children before running it past the parents.

Again I think you’re being very precious, it is not hard work to take a 4 year old to a toilet, theme parks have them everywhere and pack some snacks. We took ours to Disneyland Paris at 7 and 4 and we did over 20,000 steps a day, no push chair because I think it is ridiculous to chuck kids back into pushchairs when they’ve outgrown them. If you have a less hardy 4 year old, theme parks generally have plenty of opportunities to rest somewhere.

I honesty don’t know how some people get through parenthood, they make it so hard for themselves.

"Thanks mil, they would love that. Here are the dates they can do."
Then book a night or two away with your husband for somw (likely) much needed adult time.

That's how I would take that opportunity.

Ds goes and stays with his grandparents for 4 nights mon-fri every summer, it helps with childcare and he loves it. It's actually quite nice for DH and I to have a free evening without the routine if dinner, bath, bed etc we were often go out for dinner after work or to the cinema to see something that's actually for adults! I do also think it helps their relationship. They have booked to take him away during this time a couple of times I was excited for him. Unless you have safety concerns I don't see the issue it's a lovely thing to do.

I'd have been very grateful for the break.

Yes. I think your response is really odd. Sure to telling your MIL to run stuff by you first rather than announcing it in front of the children, but I think it’s deeply weird that your immediate response is ‘No, because I’d be missing out on a “first”.’

But OP allows her PIL to have her DCs 2 nights in a row at their home.

So she’s obviously not concerned that they’re going to harm them or can’t be trusted.

@thepariscrimefiles I think it’s very odd to need to be with dc at the theme park for the first time! It’s nothing special in life and the op should have organised it if it meant SO much. She didn’t and grandparents obviously mentioned it as a surprise. They probably didn’t think op would be so odd. Also most parents would love active grandparents!

One of my eldest memories is of my grandmother taking me and 2 of my cousins off for a week jaunting about the place. We had a wonderful time. The grandparents have successfully brought up children, they are closely related to your children and presumably love them. The very best people to do a 3 days trip with them.

I don't get the bit about different beds, toilets etc. Do you never leave the house and only use the loo at home? Surely you must use public loos when you're out and about with them? Do you never go on holidays with them?

You should listen to your instincts OP, and set boundaries. They are trying to strong-arm you, that is disrespectful and in itself would make me trust them less with my children and be more inclined to say 'no'.

I think you're spot on by saying you'll go too or it's not at all. And it's absolutely fine for you to want to be there the first time your children go to a theme park, for yourself. They're you're kids. Why should you miss out on this first? Ridiculous. Honestly I'd tell them you really want to be there for this first time. That way there's no manipulative discussion about what's best for the DCs. It's what you want, end of story.

Also, 4 is still very little. Have they considered whether it would actually be fun for your youngest child to go to a theme park without you? The first time my youngest went she was terrified of the little tiny train, let alone anything else. It took a lot of time and cuddles and DH going on the tiny train with her all the time talking about how it was no big deal before she calmed down. By the end of it she was on the scariest rollercoasters available for her height and desperate to go on the biggest ones. But it took a lot of coaxing to override the instinctive anxiety she felt - she was genuinely scared at first.