Performative drivel from grown adults

[Karryw]

A few of my friends with fathers who are very much alive and well, but not on instagram - posting stories wishing them a HFD! Pick up the bloody phone and tell them for goodness sake.

Performative nonsense, or is it me?

The 'happy heavenly father's day' ones piss me off too. If there's FB in heaven then it's actually hell.

Oh I’ve been guilty of this! I posted last year a pic of my dad with my DD as a baby acknowledging how much I love and missed him. He’s been dead since 2008. Today a friend wrote a tribute to his dad, also long dead. But yea if they are alive why post if the man in question won’t see it.

I think it’s just the norm now. People can’t go without posting on certain days of the year. From our house to yours in matching Christmas pyjamas etc. it’s all mindless.

I don’t hate it but I do sigh. I notice that most of the people that post all this bollocks are the same people ranting in person about how bad their parents were weeks before. It’s a false relationship that’s on display but I know my mum would love it if I put a performative post on about how much I love her etc on her birthday or Mother’s Day. I just tell her in person instead and hope that counts.

I saw something that said along the lines of “posts on Facebook aren’t people showing off. They’re excited about a moment and want to share it with you”. It stops me being such a raging bitch when I see such bollocks.

Yeah that’s understandable, I made a point of saying ‘alive and well’ but to clarify I didn’t mean anyone posting about people who’ve passed away, everyone deals with grief differently x

How do you know they didn't?

Is it "performative nonsense" for people with no dad to post on SM too?
I did that today. My dad died suddenly a few months ago.

If you read my posts you’d understand my view on that.

I’m sorry for your loss x

It’s similar to the parents who post on their very young children’s birthdays, addressing the child (who cannot read and cannot access Facebook/insta independently) “we love you so much, you light up our lives, you are so funny and curious and amazing… never change, little man” etc. it’s utterly performative and attention seeking.

@sammylady37 Or 'I just want to be the first to wish my baby X a happy birthday' etc etc. I mean you will surely be the first if you are living with your child and waking up with that child surely, no need for posting on fb. It is like everything though, people post all sorts of bollocks. Had I posted a picture of my father on social media today I would have been cut off from him, he would kill me!

How do you know haven't phoned?

It gets saved as a memory online though.
Every year, it will pop up. SM nowadays is pretty much an online photo album you interact with.
I don't see anything wrong with that. One day, memories are all you will have.

My point still stands. Why would you also post something they are not going to see. Performative drivel!

Does it really matter? It might be important to them for reasons unbeknownst to you.

It would have been a waste of time wishing my recently deceased mother anything on any form of social media and my dad passed way before it was a thing. My DC likes the memories that pop up of them on FB as obviously they don’t remember being very small.

Why can’t we all just live and let live?

Ha! You're right, OP. It is performative for sure, but that's what social media is.
Even here: we don't need to share our irritations or worries etc. but we're here planting our flags saying "this is who I am and this is what I think". It's just a light, risk-free way of connecting with people.
Instagram is: See me!
MN/Bluesky etc. is: Hear me!

I use MN as a bit of stress relief - my DH doesn't get it at all, but we're deep in the toddler years and I am so often BORED at the weekend!! I need to address it and try to gee myself on a bit but until then MN offers a little jolt and Instagram surely does the same for others.

What's wrong with commemorating a loved one? It's not harming anyone else?

I lost my dad this year, and last year an uncle.
Both my cousins and me are having that difficult first father's day without our dads. We all posted on our FB today.
We gave each other words of comfort... those 'firsts' opens up fresh feelings of grief and I did not know it would hit me so hard today.
I am grateful for those words and virtual hugs I got today.

When my Dad was alive I used to post happy Father’s Day/HBD because he liked it and now I’m grateful for the posts because I like seeing the memories pop up of different photos, of what we did that year

he died in 2023 but I posted today, this morning.

I do it for me and if anyone doesn’t want to see it they can hide my posts

I don’t mind the ones for dads who’ve died; one earlier by an old friend made me nostalgic, as I spent a lot of time at their house as a kid.

The ones for dads who’re alive, well, and not on social media are just mystifying. Who’s it for? It’s just performative shite by attention seekers.

I’ve always thought this is really weird. As is wishing dead people a happy birthday or Christmas. Seriously? Like…they have Instagram accounts? Why not just post that you’re thinking of them or miss them? If you want to speak to them directly, use an Ouija board. It just seems like a bid for attention.

Heavenly Facebook is Facebook working as it should do, where your feed has just content you actually want to see.

Well, on FB there are memorial accounts for users who have died. Their family take over their account, and their friends can post on there.
I think it is lovely.

That’s fine. It’s completely different to addressing the deceased on social media.

It is the same thing!

@xenobitch It's not the same thing and I'm sure there's no social media in heaven nor hell.
All of those posts are hellish.
Put them somewhere else please agreeing with @maxslice

I am not sure you understand, but nevermind.

Well, me posting about my dad meant I had nice comments that I really needed today, especially from other people who lost their fathers recently too.

I also text him too even though his phone switched off a long time ago. I guess that is performative nonsense too?

People posting stuff to/about their dead relatives really takes nothing away from you.

I do both. Makes my parents happy as they live so far away