AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

[Timeforachange2026]

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

What's the point in engaging with him and his criticisms ? You've been set up to fail, OP. He's highly abusive. Is there a reason why you can't/don't want to separate?

I would list his in full,and make sure it is a much longer list,l will look at my flaws when you look at yours.

Some of those are quite childish and immature on his part tbh op especially to soft on the kids,due to my bad childhood I've never been a strict parent and the soft approach has always worked for me.

Put the kids before him:if you do that's absolutely normal I would expect a mum to put her kids before anyone else

I think the other stuff if just plain nasty and if someone gave me a list of those flaws I don't think I could come back from that.

Stop trying to defend yourself. Anyone who presents a list with that content has checked out of the marriage already. The only thing you need to change is who you live with. Tell him you are not going to change but if he’s unhappy with that then he can leave, and in fact you aren’t happy with his behaviour so again, he should leave.

Wow. He really doesn’t like you, does he? I’m sure you’d both be happier apart.

Your biggest fault would be putting up with that degree of bullshit. Take the high road and dont list his faults (tempting) but set him free so YOU can find better ....

Thus nan does bit like you and certainly doesn't love you. Start from there and decide what you want your future to look like it's all very well coming on mumsnet and being all woe is me which I'm sorry but that is how your post come across. You need a plan and it needs to not include someone who doesn't like you. You are not doing anything wrong you are more than pullng your weight you are a busy working Mum you deserve someone who loves you for you not someone who puts you down and treats you like shit. You are so obviously not being unreasonable you don't need to ask. Unitask how do I get out of this what do I need to do how do I get my ducks in a row

Why are you with him? He is nasty.

That's abuse, and he's chipping away at your confidence. I wasted 33 years with a nasty man, hope you don't too. Leave, honey xxx

i wouldn't want to be with this man. He is shortening your life

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this OP. You poor thing.

This sounds very familiar . Have you posted about this before ? This man has ground you down so much that you feel you can’t even speak to people anymore . This is madness . Your nerves must be shot . Please please say you’re going to leave this man because I can’t grasp why you want to stay. You couldn’t say hardly any good points about him. You have one life OP.

Nope. There is just one problem. Her husband is a turbo cunt.

So what would you like to happen? Knowing he is unlikely to cange, and is a poor role model to you DCs?

I always hate these comments. She obviously didn't realise he was a prick ! He obviously is hating family life with all that 'not enough attention' etc.

Going against the grain here, if that list is true I’d say he’s right.

I read again as if it were a man, if all you do around the house is wash clothes and load the dishwasher then I agree that’s not enough.

i haven’t rtft but I don’t see any mention of equal split of cooking, housework, etc. a relationship needs both parties to invest in each other. It sounds like your husband is fed up with the monotonous day to day life with 0 time for each other (by the sounds of it you DO prioritise everything else).

you’d both be better off single

Id do him a list of his failures and see how likes it.

I got as far as him calling you thick and stupid....
He sounds like an abusive bully.
He will wear you away to nothing OP and your self-esteem will be through the floor. Don't let this happen.

I'm really sorry OP, he is unhappy and blaming you. It sounds like he's found a lot of "evidence" for why he's unhappy, rooted in not liking you very much or trusting that you are working for you as a team.

It doesn't sound like that's true but he's playing victim.

This is particularly worrying: "using my lunch as pick up as he normally had a nap from 230 - 330 so sometimes misses it". He doesn't take responsibility, makes you take it but then blames you for him still being unhappy.

You sacrifice your lunch hour for his nap. And he lets you. It's a really bad dynamic and I think common pre splitting up.

What do you want? Do you like him?

Wow, that's not it. It's not like he's saying I love you, your company is delightful and I want more of it. He's throwing out abuse and criticism.

ha ha I thought this - being from Liverpool we have a more direct way of responding to such nonsense.
not in front of the children of course

That’s abusive. He’s a twat.

Make your own list of his faults and present it to him...

List what you gain from this relationship. What does he do for you? It may be very short.
Do not stand for this disrespect

Is he sulking because he didn’t get enough fuss made over him for Father’s Day? He sounds really mean with his comments. Don’t let him ruin your confidence OP.