AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

[Timeforachange2026]

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

I would say “okay, you go and find better. We’re done!” Why stay with someone who doesn’t like you? Honestly, you deserve better. Your live partner should be the one person you can count on to be your cheerleader.

I would feel a burning desire to be single, honestly.

And this man is still breathing????

Oh isn't he a poor wee sausage, neglected by his wife and not made to feel special 🙄.

Frankly I'd book myself onto a nice course I fancied, book a night out with my mates twice a week and leave the selfish prick to sulk at home as often as possible.

When they go low, we go high. Head up, tits out and suit yourself.

Also to add...he moans i don't have a social life. But he goes out every Saturday for his sporting event so I have to work around that.

He says I can't talk to people as all i do is stare at a computer all day, but when he calls me thick and stupid because I do something differently to how he does (there's not two ways of doing something in his mind, there is his way or the wrong way) I don't really want to talk to people as i'm worried he will complain about what i say

Any man that wants you to put him before your own kids is not one worth being with. When are you divorcing him? I'd be on the phone first thing in the morning, and make sure he can hear.

Oh my goodness…. You deserve far better than this…. Make plans to separate asap.

Him calling you thick and stupid is the deal breaker. The way you have phrased this suggests he is controlling.

So you are thick but have a full time job?
Well, that’s quite an achievement isn’t it?
Sounds like the opening line of The Script to me.

He is an abusive narcissist.

In response I would be returning the favour and presenting him with a list of faults and then tell him the door is there, he is welcome to leave

I would also be putting ducks in a row and starting divorce proceedings

This!

I would absolutely not tolerate this, he would have to go!

Line your ducks up and tell him to move out that the human appliance has had enough!!

He sounds selfish and unpleasant but you sound like a nice normal mum.

I think by the time contempt arrives the functional marriage is over anyway. All you need to consider is if you're staying in a disfunctional marriage.

I had this sort of thing with my awful ex. I’d cry my eyes out and try to be “better”. These days if anyone said that to me I’d be like “Well, what are you still doing here? There’s the door, off you fuck.”

I bet he makes you feel real special 🙄

Aww poor man not being given enough attention. I'd suggest he moves back in with his mother.

The first few make it sound like hes following the script and these are what he will use when he starts shagging around.

I hope you gave him a list straight back with his faults!!

The day a man calls me thick and stupid, is the day I'd be walking out the door. It appears to me that you have learnt to modify your behaviour, to try and appease your husband so he doesn't criticise you. You don't talk to other people, because you worry he'd criticise you for having a conversation. You likely don't have much of a social life (aside the time factor) because if you did, he'd criticise the fact you're going out.

The reality is, it would make no difference what you did or said, your husband will always find fault with you. He's nasty, abusive, controlling bully, who has slowly eroded your self-esteem, and you haven't been aware.

Sadly, OP, this will be your life forever more, because he won't change. You can't change him, but you can get yourself and your children out of the relationship. Seek legal advice, without his knowledge and get your ducks in a row.

You deserve far better than your husband.

My vag would seal up faster than a rat up a drainpipe.

It amazes me how these men are happy to benefit from our income yet expect us to run the house as well.

He sounds like he thinks your marriage should revolve around him with anything else put aside. He wants a mom, not a wife and children.

Put the kids before him

Most people do. They're vulnerable children who need lots of care and attention where your husband is supposedly an adult who can do things for himself when the kids need attention.

He resents anything that takes your attention from him and he resents you for not making his wishes your purpose for being.

He's contemptuous of the way you do things and your basic self. He'd rather criticize you than connect with you.

He's profoundly selfish. There's resentment and contempt and criticism in your marriage and I don't see how you can come back from that.

I would be filing for divorce.

Another day, another thread on mumsnet where I can't believe so many women put up with this type of shit. Yes YABU to be hurt. Start getting fucking angry.

I'd be seeing a divorce lawyer.

He says I need to change that everything i do is wrong. Even down to how I drive and park (our drive awkward and i can reverse on it but may take me 2 attempts to straighten up etc...thats wrong apparently and i'm thick because I can't do it in one go)

The fact i am up with him at 6am, do the lunches (including him and the children) have to fit my run in between 630 and 730 qhen the kida are up, do the school run, work 9-5, including using my lunch as pick up as he normally had a nap from 230 - 330 so sometimes misses it, then do the washing throughout the day and sort it out in the evening, he can't understand why I am exhausted by 9pm and not wanting to 'spend time' with him every night

Why would anyone want to spend time with that.

What are his good points?