AIBU to feel annoyed about my daughter's dads wife for Father's Day ?

[annwinters]

I’m so pissed off at my kids dad’s wife! I have found out today from my little girl who’s only 6, that her dad’s wife has taken her shopping this week to buy her dad a Father’s Day gift. I was going to take her today to do it but she told me that his wife had taken her this week. I called her dad and he told me that yeah she had taken her and it’s no big deal.

I am so angry. Before anyone says anything I’m not jealous - me and him were never in a proper relationship and we’re both married to people.

I’ve done Father’s Day gifts always but he’s never bothered. I got a snotty text last year telling me that he didn’t want me to get him presents from our daughter as it “blurs boundaries” (obviously instigated by his wife!!!)

So basically I’m pushed out and can’t do anything for my daughter to acknowledge her dad?

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family? She only needs to get gifts from her kid to her husband and leave us alone

Sounds like they’re not “pretending” to be a happy family, maybe they actually are one?

You chose to have a baby with someone you weren’t in a proper relationship with, you had to be prepared that there may well be a step mum involved in your child’s life at some point in future.

I assume you, your DH and DD aren’t a happy little family either then? Your view on this is really bizarre. He’s told you not to buy presents and you were going to ignore him. Does your DH do Mother’s Day for you?

I would love for my ex husbands new partner to do this for our dds. I hate having to spend money on him but I do it so that our dds have something to give him on Father’s Day/birthday/Christmas

Eh??!? YABU. This is ridiculous.

I don’t see any evidence of that in the OP. It sounds like the OP is telling herself that’s why it is but everything just sounds like normal nice step parenting.

Quite.

Green eyes don't suit the OP.

I always welcome less work, so let her have Father's Day, birthday and Christmas.

You need to get over him op. He's moved on.

So basically I’m pushed out and can’t do anything for my daughter to acknowledge her dad?

Her Dad's wife is taking care of that. He let you know your input is not wanted. You don't need to be involved in things your daughter does for her dad.

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family?

Yes, very unreasonable. You may not like it but they are a family, they're not playing at anything. You're the one who needs to back off. You're the one who sounds unhappy.

You can't control your daughter's dad or his wife or how they want to celebrate Father's Day in their home.

They ARE a family. And hopefully, for the sake of your DD, a happy one. YABVU. You sound very bitter, you need to let that go, again for the sake of your DD.

It wouldn’t bother me. I’d be glad I didn’t have to buy something for him

So let’s say that she had taken her own child that she’s got with your ex out to buy Father’s Day gifts and left your daughter behind…surely your daughter would be upset by that?

YABU. It’s not your thing to do anymore. I’d be thrilled she’s saved me the bother.

Definitely need to let this one go OP. Who helps your children with their Mother's Day gifts?

Oh my gosh this drips in jealousy!! ‘Happy little family’.. I hate to break it to you but they ARE his family now. You are his child’s mother, that’s where it starts and ends. The fact you want to be involved in Father’s Day says it all. Be grateful your child has a mother figure kind and thoughtful enough to ensure your daughter has something to gift her Dad on Father’s Day!

Sounds like you’re a little bit immature & jealous. For a start, she’s your daughter’s step mum. What’s the harm in her taking your daughter? I’d be glad I didn’t have to buy my ex anything.

What happens for Mother's Day? Does her dad take shopping for yours, or does your spouse take her?

Honestly, it makes much more sense to me for his wife to sort it as she'll know him much better. You can do fathers day for your husband.

I don't really see an issue as long as your DD is getting her dad a present. At this age its about needing an adult to support her to do so, it doesn't really matter who that adult is as it doesn't change who the gift is from and her dad did ask you to stop and perhaps had it in mind for his wife to take over? I assume when she is a teenager she will independently buy gifts without either of you?

A friend of mine was a single mum and when her boy was little used to help him with gifts for her from him for mothers day, birthdays etc. Once she met someone new, he then took over helping the son. It didn't matter who helped him, just that he was helped and his step dad felt more appropriate and efficuent than his mums friend...

My older two children’s dad never wanted anything to do with them when we split up, but if he did, I’d happily let his girlfriend/wife get them! Saves me abit of money🤷🏼‍♀️😂 honestly don’t let it bother you!

I'm assuming he doesn't help her buy you a Mother's Day card/gift.

If your daughter has a decent relationship with her step-father, maybe you could divert your energy toward helping her give him a token of appreciation, instead. Father's Day can be about saying 'thank you' to other father figures, too. Otherwise, I'd just leave them to it, as they clearly don't want your involvement, and if your daughter is satisfied, that's good enough.

They’re not pretending to be a happy little family; they are one.

I suspect this is the issue.

Trying to work out why this would bug you as you say you haven't even had a proper relationship with this man anyway. He is basically a stranger connected to you only via your daughter. Let him get on with his own life and let him and his partner make their own choices. Maybe he feels uncomfortable getting gifts and cards you have paid for.

I think some posters do wish this it's much easier to hate someone that's evil 🙂 I think it pisses them off more if their nice

Or the husband was feeling stalked. OP pointed out that they were never in a proper relationship which I think is very different to dealing with an ex partner/husband.

Why do you feel the OP isn't entitled to be a half decent mother and ensure that her child has a gift for the other parent at the appropriate moment?

OP, I get where you're coming from but I would leave it. Save the messages for when his decides it's not her job and he moans he didn't get a gift. Because that will happen eventually.