AIBU to feel annoyed about my daughter's dads wife for Father's Day ?

[annwinters]

I’m so pissed off at my kids dad’s wife! I have found out today from my little girl who’s only 6, that her dad’s wife has taken her shopping this week to buy her dad a Father’s Day gift. I was going to take her today to do it but she told me that his wife had taken her this week. I called her dad and he told me that yeah she had taken her and it’s no big deal.

I am so angry. Before anyone says anything I’m not jealous - me and him were never in a proper relationship and we’re both married to people.

I’ve done Father’s Day gifts always but he’s never bothered. I got a snotty text last year telling me that he didn’t want me to get him presents from our daughter as it “blurs boundaries” (obviously instigated by his wife!!!)

So basically I’m pushed out and can’t do anything for my daughter to acknowledge her dad?

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family? She only needs to get gifts from her kid to her husband and leave us alone

YABU. I would love not to have to buy my ex a fathers day gift!

Personally I’d be happy for the wife to do it. One less job to think about plus why would you want to spend your money on your ex.

I agree.

You’re his ex, not his wife.

My sds lives with us. I sort Father’s Day, and I presume his dm sorts it for his step dad there.

I get that feelings can be very odd when you feel like someone is stepping on your toes as a parent, but in the kindest possible way, I think you’re being completely unreasonable here and overstepping massively.

He’s told you that he doesn’t want you to help your DD buy him gifts. It doesn’t really matter if that’s his decision or his wife’s. You’ve been asked not to do it and that’s all there is to it. Instead, you’ve got a woman who is very clearly fond of your DD who has taken that job off your hands. She’s not helping her buy gifts for you, or for your husband, but it’s a clear line that they’ll take care of celebrations in their home and you take care of celebrations in yours. That’s quite a standard thing to happen.

I think you should just be really happy that his wife wants to include your DD because blended families don’t always work that way.

So basically I’m pushed out and can’t do anything for my daughter to acknowledge her dad? Well… yes. Because you aren’t part of their family and they don’t want you pushing your way in. And they aren’t wrong for that.

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family? She only needs to get gifts from her kid to her husband and leave us alone Why do you think they’re pretending to be a happy little family? Because I know you’ve said you’re not jealous of their relationship but you’re certainly sounding quite jealous. There is no ‘us’ in this scenario. You aren’t part of that. You have your own ‘us’.

whoa you are massively overstepping boundaries here. Back off!

His wife did absolutely the right thing. Father’s Day gifts are nothing to do with you if there’s someone else who can step in to do it

Pushed put from what, exactly?

Your relationship with your DD is totally separate from her relationship with her dad. You must have plenty of things that are just yours and hers. Why do you feel that you need to be involved in "dad stuff" at all?

I'm assuming there must be a big backstory for you to have such an extreme reaction over this.

He asked you not to get anything. Maybe is was because his wife wants to sort it but either way, he has said he doesn't want you to so... dont.

I can kind of see why it blurs boundaries. Leave them to it.

Thanks for helping your DD.

I wish my ex’s wife had taken the same interest.

What happens on Mother’s Day?

Why are you buying gifts if he told you last year to stop buying Father’s Day presents?
Surely as it’s Father’s Day you should at least be respecting his wishes.
You do seem to be making a drama where it’s not needed

On Mother’s Day the daughter’s step dad should buy for the mother.

Clearly you don’t have enough going on in your life if this bothers you so much lol

I think you are being a bit crazy here. He is not your partner so surely it is down to the stepmum to help your daughter buy him a present. You presumably would not even know what he wants and he told you last year not to do it. Don't make your DD feel guilty for buying her dad a fathers day gift or for presumably getting on ok with his wife. It will make your DD feel awkward growing up.

So basically I’m pushed out and can’t do anything for my daughter to acknowledge her dad?

Pushed out? Jeez. It's absolutely nothing to do with you. He's not your husband and it's not your job. Why do you think it should be you who does it? So long as someone is helping your DD get a gift for her Dad, why do even you care? You should just be grateful you don't have to pay for it and it's one less thing to worry about.

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family? She only needs to get gifts from her kid to her husband and leave us alone

This is a really bizarre comment. Do you object to your husband doing anything that acknowledges he lives in a blended family with your daughter? Do you tell him to stop involving himself in anything to do with her because he shouldn't pretend you are a happy family?

You sound unhinged. When women complain about their partner's crazy ex constantly picking arguments and making trouble for no good reason, I guess this must be the sort of thing they mean.

If you were never a couple why does it bother you so much?

His wife IS family to your dd.

You sound controlling and jealous.

It’s one less thing for you to worry about. I always buy my kids dad’s presents from them and they are 17 and 19! I’m stopping when youngest has finished his A levels.

It’s a rubbish job and a waste of money I could actually be spending on me/ the kids/ bills. If someone else had done it I would have been delighted.

Just let his wife get on with it.

Why take her today. Cutting it a bit fine

be grateful that she has a step mum who cares and spends her money

if you really wanted to take her you could and should have done in the last 2/3 weekends or after school etc

not the day before father day

Sorry, YABU. Concentrate on your own DH this Father’s Day. Does your ex sort presents for Mother’s Day for you?

I do actually understand as it pissed me off the first time my ex's partner did this - but then it was his affair with her that broke our marriage! I

I tolerated it as it's not worth causing an argument, and just persisted in getting stuff from DD and I anyway, and she gave up after a year or two.

I wanted to be part of the gift as I do really appreciate him as a father, and I value having the opportunity to show that. Whatever else he is to anybody else, he will always be the father of my child and so we will always be family in a way.

Bur if he has told you he feels you getting him a gift "breaks boundaires' then that's that really, there is nothing you can do in this one, and it's not worth falling out over, as you daughter's needs will be best served by you maintaining a harmonious relationship wirh him if possible.

The poor child shouldn't have to be in the middle of this she is being nice it is not her fault you cant handle this this is what happens when people blend families

I mean it does sound a bit jealous and over invested. And I don’t mean her by the way…

I’d be delighted to not have to do it!

Yabu, you feel pushed out. This is not about you so stop making g it about you and your feelings, it’s about DD getting her dad a present. They are a family and your DD is part of that family.