AIBU to want a cleaner while being a SAHM?

[Ayla1991]

I became a SAHM almost 2 years ago to my 2 DDs (21 months and 4 year old). I look after the 21 month old full time and the 4 year old is at nursery 3.5/4 days a week. Before this my husband and I shared household chores 50/50 with me taking on slightly more. Since becoming a SAHM I do all the cooking, cleaning and admin but he helps a lot when he gets home from work. This is mainly things like tidying after dinner, taking the bins out and feeding the dogs, so no big jobs, although I am very grateful he helps as I consider most of the home stuff my job.

Now for the AIBU. I absolutely despise cleaning. I know it’s my job now as a SAHM but I hate it so much. I also don’t have much time to do it as my 21 month old barely naps, only around 30 mins a day if at all and both kids have late bed times (low sleep needs) so I clean when my husband can watch the kids on the weekend or after the kids sleep at like 10pm. I would really love to get a cleaner maybe even once a month to do the jobs I really hate doing.

I know people may ask if we can afford it and that’s the tricky bit. We can’t sustain our current lifestyle on just my husbands salary but we are partly supported by my redundancy package which was pretty generous and can probably last another year or so, however the more we spend the less time I can have off work. So technically we can afford it but it probably isn’t wise

i know my husband would support it and he always offers to do the cleaning since I also have a problem with my right arm which makes the heavy jobs painful, but I really don’t feel right him doing it. So my question is, would you judge a SAHM for having a cleaner? Do other SAHMs do this?

This is hilarious. Youve either never had a 21 month old or forgotten what it’s like. As if anyone caring for a child that age all day could be ‘bone idle’.

Plus what’s the problem with someone who can clean, choosing not to? Is this a Christian thing?

Nevermind a cleaner, you need to a bit of realism. Sounds like you need to get back to work, if your redundancy is only going to last another year.

Yes It’d judge you. Do you care though?

I wouldn’t judge you. But then I don’t judge people for silly stuff like this. You’re only talking about once a month, you could even decide to get them to just do the upstairs or just the bathrooms or the parts of the house you really hate doing.

I wouldn't judge you at all for getting a cleaner even if it was a weekly thing. I'm a stay at home parent and don't consider all the housework to be "my job". I do what I can get done during the day (and by that I mean cleaning and tidying as we go throughout the day not any big cleaning tasks tbh) but the rest of the time when my husband is home from work everything is split 50/50 in terms of housework and parenting. We have 4 kids under 7 and the younger 2 don't go to nursery full time so I almost always have at least 1 if not 2 children at home with me and there are no after school or holiday clubs where we live so it feels like no time before the older kids are home every day and holidays are a riot.

I also couldn't do the organised mum method as I prefer all of my house to be clean and tidy pretty much all of the time rather than 1 room at a time or whatever it is. And I refuse to lower my standards too 😂

Get the cleaner. Keeping a house clean and tidy on top of having young kids at home is bloody hard!

I think you should probably just say you’re unemployed rather than a SAHM to near adult children, which sounds ridiculous. Why not just own that if you’re so proud/ defensive about it.

I'd say you need to start thinking about going back to work.

You need your redundancy package to cover for when you’re looking for work.
i don’t recommend committing to something that is not sustainable on your husband’s salary. You need to think long term security not short term thibgs you dislike. Grow up and do the cleaning that you don’t like or you’ll be faced with credit card bills you cant pay in 5 years time .

I have 3 robomops, a robot window cleaner and robot mowers. Along with the usual washer dryers and dishwashers there is no real need for a cleaner.

It's your money. I think you are putting yourself down OP, being a full time mum to 2 young children is tough on top of the household responsibilities which is really hard with a young child with you 24/7. If you can make it work, it really is no one else's business.

Of course people will judge you, especially the cleaner who will be rubbing their hands together.

Why is it anyone else’s business except you and your husband. I been aSAHM with three kids and hubby away lots with enough money for a cleaner once a week. I then got divorced and got a part time job still with the three kids and no cleaner. Same me just different circumstances.

I'm a SAHM, our kids are 7 and 3 and the youngest is in preschool 3 days a week 9-3, he's starting reception in September so will be 5 days. We have a cleaner, I really don't care if anyone judges me.

Realistically though, it's recent and due to changes in our financial circumstances, we paid off our mortgage so have a substantial extra amount per month in our budget. When we didn't have so much disposable income I did it myself.

If you want it and can afford it, then do it.
Don't feel guilty.
I've now had a cleaner for absolutely years. It took me a while to overcome my "class enemy" anxiety. Now, doing my own cleaning is something I once did long ago.

But just even this week, I have take one step further:- my cleaner did my ironing for me. Now, that still feels very over-indulgent. But it was fab to come in from a day out at Kew to be confronted with a line of nicely ironed dresses hanging up in front of my eyes. Total treat.

Hi, when I was a SAHM with young children I had a cleaner fortnightly to stay on top of all the cleaning. I have a 5 bed detached house, there is a lot to do. I found it hard to clean properly when the kids were around as they needed proper supervision. So no I wouldn’t judge you. We could ofcourse afford it. I am now back at work full time and both kids are in primary school. I have a weekly cleaner. I would rather spend less time cleaning and more quality time with my kids. I still do clean the entire kitchen and entrance hallway daily after dinner and any other odd bits from time to time. But the regular cleaning is done by our lovely cleaner who is worth her weight in gold!

Are you now retired? How do you afford it?

I’m not a SAHM and never will be, but I wouldn’t judge you at all. I hate cleaning. And it’s especially exhausting when you’re knackered with small kids.

If I ever write one of those "mummy memoirs" about being stuck in the SAHM trenches - which I never will - it will be titled: But I Just Cleaned That!

I think you know she can't afford it.
What's a class enemy by the way?

I had a housekeeper three times a week when my DDs were under school age. I took a five year career break to be a sahm, I didn’t want to become a cleaner 🤷🏼‍♀️ Our housekeeper was amazing, she did the cleaning, ironing, organising and I spent my time with DDs.

Not unreasonable at all. Caring for kids is tough. Cleaning is a time suck. And sounds like you have an injury too! My advice would be to compromise - see if you can get someone in every other week to focus on the hardest areas - this is what we do and it’s usually a focus on the bathrooms each visit and then one other room for a focus area. And then for the rest and the in between weeks, the organised mum method is perfect!

I have never had a cleaner and do not think that this is the case at all. Time with little ones is limited and fitting in cleaning can be stressful. The SAHM's I know with cleaners are calm and very present. OP may use the time to attend classes with her DC, teach her DC or cook meals from scratch. Maybe she will have a rest whilst DC naps rather than running herself ragged so she doesn't burn out like most mums of toddlers are expected to do these days.

You can do whatever you want so YANBU. But don't pretent it's because you can't, that's absolutely ridiculous and pathetic.

I'm a SAHM to a 20 month old and my house is very clean. I don't think it's healthy to entertain your toddler all day, every day. If that is what you are doing, you will really regret it when they're 7 and still not playing independenly.

They need to learn to sit while you get on with things. Yes, there are times when mine doesn't sit. There are days that are trickier than others. But overall there's also A LOT of dead time in the day when I get on with chores.

And I don't clean or do chores during nap times. That's my down time.

The only people who care are people who are jealous. Your life, your choices - I mean really. Do we judge men for every mini decision they make?

I was thinking the same about how we judge women vs men. Honestly OP if a man was a SAHD to 2 preschool age children nobody would bat an eyelid if he had a cleaner.