AIBU to want a cleaner while being a SAHM?

[Ayla1991]

I became a SAHM almost 2 years ago to my 2 DDs (21 months and 4 year old). I look after the 21 month old full time and the 4 year old is at nursery 3.5/4 days a week. Before this my husband and I shared household chores 50/50 with me taking on slightly more. Since becoming a SAHM I do all the cooking, cleaning and admin but he helps a lot when he gets home from work. This is mainly things like tidying after dinner, taking the bins out and feeding the dogs, so no big jobs, although I am very grateful he helps as I consider most of the home stuff my job.

Now for the AIBU. I absolutely despise cleaning. I know it’s my job now as a SAHM but I hate it so much. I also don’t have much time to do it as my 21 month old barely naps, only around 30 mins a day if at all and both kids have late bed times (low sleep needs) so I clean when my husband can watch the kids on the weekend or after the kids sleep at like 10pm. I would really love to get a cleaner maybe even once a month to do the jobs I really hate doing.

I know people may ask if we can afford it and that’s the tricky bit. We can’t sustain our current lifestyle on just my husbands salary but we are partly supported by my redundancy package which was pretty generous and can probably last another year or so, however the more we spend the less time I can have off work. So technically we can afford it but it probably isn’t wise

i know my husband would support it and he always offers to do the cleaning since I also have a problem with my right arm which makes the heavy jobs painful, but I really don’t feel right him doing it. So my question is, would you judge a SAHM for having a cleaner? Do other SAHMs do this?

I think many people are missing the point that OP can’t actually afford it.
They’re living off her redundancy payment to supplement her DH’s income which at the minute OP forecasts to last only a year.

Add a weekly cleaner and it’s probably depleted in well under 6 months, which means OP would need to be looking now at returning to work before they completely run out of money.

I agree. Mumsnet can really excel at passive aggression.

Could you save in another area to subsidise the cleaner? You csn spend your money any way you want!

I wouldn’t judge at all!! You do what you need to do.

but in your shoes I would be careful with the money. So I guess it’s more about that. If I could afford it then would totally do it. But if you want longer off work then is it a risk?? Do you have enough energy money if a car or boiler needed replacing for example.

never been able to afford a cleaner and somehow managed to think I just moved the kids around the house with me and gave them a toy. One of mine used to have their own cleaning kit too (toy one!) and used to LOVE cleaning the windows with the water spray and little cloth. Great for skill teaching and teaching them it’s not just girls who clean!! (Kids are boys). Of course the windows were streaky but I didn’t give a hoot. As long as the main jobs were done.

Sometimes not even passive!!!

But there is no prize for not having a cleaner.

OP think of the cost per hour and all the other value-add things you could be doing with that time. How often would feel reasonable?

I think mine must be the only children ever to not have given two hoots about big spoons and bowls beyond about 10 months, judging by MN. Nor are they entertained indefinitely by jumping around in puddles.

Nope I would absolutely not judge you

God yes, get the cleaner.

I wanted one so badly when I was a SAHM, and didn't get one for affordability reasons. Now I really regret that decision. It would have made a difficult period so much more bearable, and I made the money back before long when I went back to work.

Who cares what everyone else thinks ? If you really want a cleaner get one !
I’ve stayed at home with my third baby who is now 2years old. My husband is always at work, zero family support, so I’ve a cleaner who comes every fortnight for a deep clean. She’s great.

I wouldn't judge you it's your choice. But if I can have 4 under 5 around all day and still keep a clean house see to dog walks etc not sure why you can't and the school age kids have there wee jobs before they go so we work together to keep it nice. Why are they going 10pm to bed that's to late for those ages, what are you doing all day, maybe a schedule or something would help you, even our twins of 3 will help put washing in machine, empty all the little bins, hand me pegs etc good for learning and there nice and tired by 6pm

If you can comfortably afford it sure! Fucking brilliant! Go for it!

If its going to stress finances then I eould judge you a bit sorry

OP, you’re a SAHMum…you’re not a SAHCleaner.

Get the cleaner!

I had a cleaner when my babies were small and I was a SAHM because I lived in a country where it was very affordable and almost expected. I like you really disliked cleaning and it really was amazing. Not least because when I was knackered from lack of sleep and carrrying small kids this super fit , highly efficient young woman would come in and work absolute miracles. She could do in 2 hours what I could manage in a day, partly because she wasn’t constantly interrupted by little people asking for snacks / play etc.
Anyway it taught me a lot about the real value of having a cleaner, you spend less because you’re more organised, parenting is easier because you’re less stressed, you socialise more because your house is ‘guest ready’ so you’re not always spending money on activities elsewhere and so on.
So tbh I think it evens out a bit.

Only you know whether you want to be able to afford to have a longer time off work and do your own cleaning, or go back to work earlier.

Although, with the job market as it is, you might be best off starting to look for jobs now anyway and not having too long a break, so maybe having a cleaner and using the time that it frees up to update your CV etc is the best plan.

My sil is 70 and just has got a cleaner..she's fit and active, but shit as cleaning because she's lazy. My mum, my 20+ aunties (big family on both sides) had spotless homes...youre just spoilt.

I'm in the minority by the look of it. Go for it @Ayla1991 It's only once a month for the jobs you hate doing! It's no-one else's business. People outsource for all sorts of things: gardening, painting and decorating, car maintenance and repairs, hair care/cutting/styling, PC/laptop/phone repairs, clothes altering and mending. So what? Ignore people saying you shouldn't do it. You shouldn't need to ask on here - just do it.

If they have the funds they can use it though. We can't so I do everything. And I have to be "on call" for DS1 who is autistic. The only "free" time I have got (which is also filled by cleaning, groceries, cooking, laundry etc) is when he is in training. My dh is happy to work and then have free time in the evening rather than having my life.

You can if you can afford it and don’t want to clean constantly.
however with only one almost 2 year old home most of the time, you do have plenty of time to do it- put little one in front of the telly or let them play alone where you can see whole you do the cleaning.

Its rarely as big a job as we think and once you’re on top of it, its a matter of routine. Not easy or fun for most of us, but very doable with only one child at home for most of the day.

It's your money you can spend it one what you want. I had a cleaner for the first 3 months post partum which I specifically saved for as my husband was never much of a cleaner and I wanted to be as supported as possible as I had no family help. I didn't give a fuck what people thought. Nor should you. Do it, if it makes your life easier and you don't need to tell anyone either.

I wouldn’t judge you for having a cleaner regardless of your work situation, but I would judge you spending money you can’t afford on one. It’s really not that hard to clean, the tidying (which you’d have to do before the cleaner comes anyway) is the hard bit. Get your toddler involved, give them a cloth and let them ‘help’, it’ll be fun and they’ll love it too.

I wouldn’t judge you for getting a cleaner. I do judge you for thinking that SAHMs should be doing all the cleaning. Especially when you are partially funding this period as a SAHM. Your husband isn’t the only one contributing financially so you shouldn’t be the only one doing chores.

A (preschool) SAHM’s job is to do childcare and any housework they can manage around that and their own break during naps. Sometimes that’s no housework. Anything left over (assuming you’re genuinely trying) should be split fairly once your husband is home from work. If you prefer to clean while he watches the kids at the weekend, that could be fair (it would be my preference after a week of SAHMing) if it all gets done during waking hours. But if it can’t all be done in that time, the post-bedtime chores should be split evenly.

I love your honesty. Fellow four bathroom-owning SAHM to teens here, haven’t allowed myself a cleaner since they were babies though. I think I need to be more like you.

I wouldn’t judge, but you can’t really afford it. There’s no guarantee you’ll walk into a job, the job market is hard at the moment. You’re using redundancy money, do you have any other savings?

Many posters clearly haven't read the OP properly because the point here is she can't afford the cleaner! If you can't afford one, you need to do the cleaning yourself. If you can afford one, get a cleaner. It's that simple. After all, a cleaner isn't essential, you can do the task yourself, and spending money you don't have on a non-essential is financially irresponsible, especially if you have kids.