AIBU to want a cleaner while being a SAHM?

[Ayla1991]

I became a SAHM almost 2 years ago to my 2 DDs (21 months and 4 year old). I look after the 21 month old full time and the 4 year old is at nursery 3.5/4 days a week. Before this my husband and I shared household chores 50/50 with me taking on slightly more. Since becoming a SAHM I do all the cooking, cleaning and admin but he helps a lot when he gets home from work. This is mainly things like tidying after dinner, taking the bins out and feeding the dogs, so no big jobs, although I am very grateful he helps as I consider most of the home stuff my job.

Now for the AIBU. I absolutely despise cleaning. I know it’s my job now as a SAHM but I hate it so much. I also don’t have much time to do it as my 21 month old barely naps, only around 30 mins a day if at all and both kids have late bed times (low sleep needs) so I clean when my husband can watch the kids on the weekend or after the kids sleep at like 10pm. I would really love to get a cleaner maybe even once a month to do the jobs I really hate doing.

I know people may ask if we can afford it and that’s the tricky bit. We can’t sustain our current lifestyle on just my husbands salary but we are partly supported by my redundancy package which was pretty generous and can probably last another year or so, however the more we spend the less time I can have off work. So technically we can afford it but it probably isn’t wise

i know my husband would support it and he always offers to do the cleaning since I also have a problem with my right arm which makes the heavy jobs painful, but I really don’t feel right him doing it. So my question is, would you judge a SAHM for having a cleaner? Do other SAHMs do this?

This was my first thought, too.

Why care what randoms think? Or even non-randoms?
FWIW, I wouldn’t judge you for getting a cleaner.

Could you get a cleaner once a fortnight? Or even every 3-4 weeks that way you both could do a lighter clean in-between? It will probably be more expensive per hour but cheaper overall than a weekly clean.

I never knew a SAHM was mean to clean as part of the deal. Obviously if someone cant afford it is different. Even if you work and can’t afford it you would need to clean.
In your case I would find someone to come every two weeks and do a deep clean. You can do some light cleaning in between the cleaner visits.

I wouldn't judge you as a cleaner in my last job... people hire cleaners for whatever reason they want. However it sounds like you can't afford it..

Thanks everyone for the comments, especially the kind supportive ones! these are very helpful. I guess the key point people are asking is if we can afford it. My savings are enough that it wouldn’t have a big impact at all but I guess what’s on my mind is that once I go back to work I won’t be earning as much as I was and it will be a while before I can top up my savings back to where they were. However, I consider it like I’m still earning money in a way so it should be used for living costs

What I found when I went back to work after SAHM was that although I had to start off at a lower grade, I quickly moved up the ladder because I had the experience and skills from my previous stint in the job. So, if promotion is a thing in your field, you may find it comes easier the second time around, with speedier salary increases.

No I wouldn’t judge you for this and life is too short to worry about the judgement of others anyway. You don’t get a medal for taking on needless drudgery.

That said it sounds like you may struggle to afford it so maybe over time you should be looking to go back to work anyway.

Sorry but I would judge heavily. Your at home all day, you can clean you’re choosing not too. That’s bone idle.

Surely the simplest solution is for your husband to do it, or at least share it 50:50. He's have to clean his own house if he lived alone.

So who is supposed to do it if you can’t afford a cleaner.

No judgement here - I dont think choices like this ever need to be justified, it’s just completely your choice. I used to have a cleaner while working part time - she came for 2 hrs a week and it made such a massive difference to how I felt. I find just doing the basics, washing up, keeping everyone clean and fed is enough without actual cleaning on top.

Or if you’re concerned about finances then I’d allocate a 2 hr period at the weekend where one of you has the kids for the first hour and the other blitzes and then the other one has the kids for the second hour and blitzes. It might feel a bit more achievable if it’s just one hour and is shared between the 2 of you.

OP, you are not obligated to clean your own house. It’s not a moral test.

Hiring someone else to do it, puts money into the local economy rather than buying more cheap crap from abroad, or saving for the government to take off your estate when you die.

There is nothing more precious than time. Buying your time back is wise.

That said, some people find cleaning really satisfying. They put in their earpods and crack on. Also valid.

It’s really a personal choice with no moral or ethical element to it. Spend your money as you wish on things that improve your life.

Exactly - get a cleaner and make a plan to return to work in nine months time instead of twelve You're still contributing financially though your redundancy money as well as ypur unpaid labour. At two and a half nursery will be fine für dc2.

I would say if you can afford it , go for it ,
I work part time , 3 days , and pay for a cleaner but I can afford it, if you can’t really that’s where it could get sticky … what does husband think about it ?

Loads of SAHM have cleaners. As long as you can afford it then why not?

Would you feel guilty employing a plumber, a gardener, a decorator?

You can pay someone to buy, cook, and hand feed you your meals if you want! As long as you pay people decent and treat them with respect. Though I guess the hand feeding might be difficult in terms of dignity? Of course I think only prince Charles would do that! 🤣

SAHM job is childcare during DH working hours. The rest is 50/50.

your DH says he will clean..what’s the problem.

and paying for it from your redundancy, are your finances separate too

If I were having to use savings to pay for a cleaner under these circumstances, I wouldn’t be doing it. No need to be a clean freak or have an immaculate house. I would judge you insofar as thinking you’ve not got your priorities right, but what you choose to do with your money is none of my business. I’d not judge you on the state of your house.

I can readily imagine how one might fill their days without working outside the home, but if that poster has a cleaner, and kids that don’t need a lot of looking after, I do struggle to see how she’s a SAHM rather than someone who doesn’t work. If she’s filling her days with gym, cinema, volunteering, seeing friends, doing some laundry, cooking a meal - that all sounds great, but it’s the absence of a job, not a job!

Couldn’t care less about a SAHM having a cleaner but I would not spunk your financial safety net on one, what if it takes you longer than expected to find a job? I think that would be really foolish tbh.

But if the needs of the kids are such that cleaning can only really be done at night or weekends then it should be 50:50 not you doing it all. You’re at home to look after the children, if they nap in the cot for 2 hours a day then yes doing housework is a sensible use of time but if that isn’t possible it shouldn’t mean you have to make up for that by cleaning at 10pm at night whilst DH relaxes. He’s said he’ll help- take him up on the offer!!

Absolutely fine to have a cleaner if you can afford it as a SAHM. The cleaner comes for 2-3 hours a week so there will still plenty of house stuff for you to do. It could also take some pressure off your DH too. Who cares what anyone else thinks...they are only jealous.

You are a stay at home mum, not a stay at home cleaner. I can’t see the problem if you can afford it. It is possible to clean with a child in tow but it’s not easy. Why put yourself through the stress?

😂 it’s not a waste if they hate cleaning. OP I have a cleaner because I can afford it and I can’t be arsed doing it. Do whatever you want with your money

Get yourself a part time job to fund a cleaner. Your little one will be eligible for 15 hours childcare now.

Absolutely YANBU! Definitely get one. We have one for an afternoon every two weeks - she is £50. You need to lighten the load!

YANBU. If you feel guilty find a cleaner who is ok with ad hoc work rather than regular commitment and see how it goes. If you feel you can afford it or the benefit outweighs the cost then you can decide if you want to commit. This is what I have just started to do two weeks ago.

Absolutely no reservation is saying - do it.

I hate cleaning too. I have always had cleaners, and had a lovely lady for years. I earn more in an hour (part time) than I pay her for two hours.

Works for me.