Shall I go out on my own tonight

[Jammydodger70]

I have a hotel room booked for tonight, so that me & a friend can go to a club night. Unfortunately she has cried off sick & the hotel is already paid for & non refundable.
I'm not worried about the money, but I've got itchy feet & still want to go out dancing! None of my other friends can go at this short notice. Some people do go on their own & just dance & chat. I have never done this & I'm worried about looking/feeling weird & lonely.
The other dilemma is this. I've been chatting/flirting with a man for a while who will be there tonight. Last month he walked me back to the hotel & we had a few kisses. It was lovely so I asked if he'd be there tonight. At which point he said he would be, but he's in a relationship. Just for the record I'm not!
If I go on my own how am I going to look in front of him & his mates? A desperately lonely woman? Or will I look like a stalker to them? When I imagine myself there tonight I keep thinking of the dental receptionist in Only Fools & Horses who kept popping up everywhere after Del Boy broke off their date & got back with Raquel.
This makes me feel that I should not go to the club tonight. I won't look & feel like a stalker then; but why should I be the one to not go because a man has been a complete dick head? Shall I stay in or go on my own & hold my head up high?

No that’s absolutely not what the poster said

Then what did you mean when you said she shouldn’t go out alone as she might attract unsavoury types looking for a women in her situation?

OP in your other thread on this exact same topic you said Neither of us are single. It hasn't gone outside of the event & it won't; but if I'm honest he is making the event seem more exciting. Even if it doesn't go further I'm just going to look like trash aren't I.

Bit sad really isnt it?

No, don't "let him make moves". For Christ's sake.

I know - I read it as he wasn't in a relationship when I posted that.

All the posters clamouring to know OP’s age are interesting… as if there’s a cut off age where women shouldn’t go out and should be content with a cosy night in front of the telly, leaving going out to the younger folk… yeah, no

I would have thought that sentence plain enough to read, digest and understand.

Just go and enjoy yourself!!

Honestly go. Yolo. Dance, have fun, be free. Before I had kids I used to love flying solo.

When you say you would question my motives, do you mean you personally, or if you were the man?

I think she meant both, and, I'm really sorry, but if I'm going to be honest, so do I.

OP - I understood what you meant. It can be daunting to go to events alone, but its perfectly OK to. Ive done similar a couple of times when a friend couldnt go for whatever reason, and it was fine.
I also get when music is your thing, how much you can look forward to an event.
I hope you have/had a great time.

I'd use the hotel but bot a club night.

I say this with no malice but I think you're creating a narrative in your mind about how you're an independent woman and nothing should stop you from going ahead with your dancing and hotel plan and if you happen to see him then that's out of your hands and you're an innocent party that got caught up in some fun.

But actually thats a lot of mind twisting to justify hoping to see a loser who sees you as a lined up opportunity to cheat.

How recently did you split up with the partner you had in your thread on the 14th?

But some of us have read a previous thread with some details changed by this OP — her friend, in the previous thread, simply didn’t want to keep going to the club any more, so there’s no last-minute drop out and hotel room going to waste. Also, the OP said on that thread that she was not single. AND that she and the friend had always gravitated towards the group of men which the married guy is part of. It was pretty clear he was the main motivation for her interest.

I say this with no malice but I think you're creating a narrative in your mind about how you're an independent woman and nothing should stop you from going ahead with your dancing and hotel plan and if you happen to see him then that's out of your hands and you're an innocent party that got caught up in some fun.

This OP. And it's your conscience squeaking that has made you post for approval ...

It’s everything to do with this man. Do you think we are stupid. You’re attracted to an attached man. You’ve not only flirted with him, walked home alone with him, kissed him and asked him if he’ll be out tonight.

He’s also a piece of work carrying on with you while in a relationship.

I’d say ye are a match made in heaven. Bring condoms. And don’t get raped.

Or that a naive teenager might delude herself about why she’s so keen to go to this club to see a man she knows is married, but someone in their 30s or 40s really should know better?

Just go, you're over thinking it, if you feel uncomfortable you can go back to your hotel. I think it's empowering doing things on your own, have a great night x

Go if you want to; you've been to this club before so you have a realistic idea of whether or not you'll have fun and be comfortable on your own. It's fine to be out by yourself and fairly routine as you're away from home (even if you live close by). If you do go, avoid this bloke in the relationship; don't waste your time with him. He probably will approach you because he's been messing you around and clearly gets something out of doing that, so be clear up front that you're not interested in spending your limited time out and about with him and keep it to a quick "hi" and off you go.

I haven't read all of the responses but I think one reason people are being weird about your friend may be because you said she's "cried off sick", which implies she's lying. That stood out to me because it seemed like a weird and possibly unfair assumption on your part.

Anyway, trust your judgement - no one here can know what you'll enjoy or not. You seem way, way too worried and defensive about other people's opinions, whether it's this dickhead you were previously interested in and his friends or randomers here.

I don’t see why you should miss out on the night but I would steer well clear of the bloke.
What did you say to him when he told you he was in a relationship and have you spoken to him since?

Regardless of what your real motives are for going out alone to this particular club, to the man and his mates, it will look like you’ve gone just to bump into him, and that will look kinda sad.

No, you shouldn’t have to miss out. Yes, you should be able to go solo.

But, the truth is, it will come across as desperate and stalkerish.

Maybe you @Jammydodger70 and this op could meet up at the event if you totally aren't the same person 🙄🙄

Seriously, your last thread made it clear you were enjoying the attention from the man/men at this event, and at that time, you weren't even single.

Kind of puts a different spin on your question about tonight.

Stop chasing attention from men...put them out of your mind and enjoy the dancing and music if that is what you want to go to the event for

Well, on the OP’s (probable) other thread, the friend simply stopped being interested in attending these club nights any more, which means there’s no last minute illness and hotel room going to waste.

It smacks of desperate to me.

Dancing on my own comes to mind

If you want to go, then go. Just stay away from him.