Shall I go out on my own tonight

[Jammydodger70]

I have a hotel room booked for tonight, so that me & a friend can go to a club night. Unfortunately she has cried off sick & the hotel is already paid for & non refundable.
I'm not worried about the money, but I've got itchy feet & still want to go out dancing! None of my other friends can go at this short notice. Some people do go on their own & just dance & chat. I have never done this & I'm worried about looking/feeling weird & lonely.
The other dilemma is this. I've been chatting/flirting with a man for a while who will be there tonight. Last month he walked me back to the hotel & we had a few kisses. It was lovely so I asked if he'd be there tonight. At which point he said he would be, but he's in a relationship. Just for the record I'm not!
If I go on my own how am I going to look in front of him & his mates? A desperately lonely woman? Or will I look like a stalker to them? When I imagine myself there tonight I keep thinking of the dental receptionist in Only Fools & Horses who kept popping up everywhere after Del Boy broke off their date & got back with Raquel.
This makes me feel that I should not go to the club tonight. I won't look & feel like a stalker then; but why should I be the one to not go because a man has been a complete dick head? Shall I stay in or go on my own & hold my head up high?

Since when does a cheating bloke get to tell her that she should t go back to the same club she enjoys because he would be there. Surely he was just letting her know that he was t available so don’t go just to see him. I’ve had a beer on my own in a pub but never been to a club but I suspect once you are in there no one will know you are on your own. Your friends could be anywhere in there.

You sound very naive, nothing is ever your fault, you haven’t done anything wrong. Is that what you want to hear? You clearly like him but he's not available. Keep going to the places he and his mates go to because it’s not like there’s anywhere else to go out to a good time.

I'm not so sure that he doesn't want her to go, if they've been flirting for a while, it sounds like he goes to this club without his GF. It sounds to me like he's been tempted by the OP and things have gone too far, after they've kissed he's decided to fess up about his girlfriend. Be interesting to see whether he's sensible tonight and keeps his distance, or not.

Of all the times to tell her he’s in a relationship it is in response to the op asking if he’ll be at the club.

It absolutely was

You know the place having been before and I think therefore you should go. Probably will help you avoid this man if he is there.

He’s shitting himself that she’s gonna grass him up to his missus.

Men are simple creatures. He wants a simple life without the threat of OP potentially telling his partner he’s a cheating wanker.

Make a coffee
sit outside for a bit

But she hasn't done anything wrong. Unless assuming that a man who flirts with and kisses you is single is a crime? You may live somewhere that there are loads of places to go and have a good time, but a lot of people don't. Regardless, why should the OP not get to go to her preferred place, because of a sleazy man?

Op, don't worry about what he wants. What he wants is a) unknown and b) irrelevant. Not sure why that has become a focus.

You want to go. It's obvious.

The reason you are concerned is because you are worried what the cheater might think - but honestly, by going and ignoring him you'll send a bigger message than by not going at all.

And not going won't benefit anyone.

If you go on your own and you don't enjoy it - then leave.

You have the power to do exactly what you want, when you want to.

You clearly say in your first post that you have been ‘chatting/flirting for a while now’.

This doesn’t imply a single instance where you met him, walked back to hotel and kissed, then found out he was in a relationship.

You also state that you go to this place every couple of months - yet you’ve made plans to go back presumably quite quickly to have agreed dates with this chap.

Personally I think this all sounds a bit premeditated!

Well OP is still visiting the place he goes go
like a puppy dog looking for scraps. Maybe next time he will be with his partner and that will put an end to this nonsense.

Stop making things up

What the fuck have I actually done wrong here eh? I'm not a fucking mind reader, I don't have a crystal ball, so how the fuck was I supposed to know he was in a relationship.
I could go to another venue, but I like this venue for the genre of music. Why should I be the one to miss out on going because I feel I'll look like a stalker?
I think you're just reading what you want to, instead of what I've actually written. Other pp don't seem to have a problem understanding where I'm coming from. Is English not your first language.

This thread is an extraordinary example of the differing levels of comprehension in MN.

Personally, I wouldn’t go OP. I think I’d feel too exposed and self conscious on this particular night - even though it’s clear that a) you only discovered he was in a relationship after kissing and b) have no interest in him.

All very clear from the OP.

I was seeing a guy for three months before I discovered he was married.

It sure as hell was planned on his part. Not on mine.

So op was flirting with him for a while before she discovered he wasn't single. That's not ops fault!

Sorry for what you’ve been through but I’d advise you to start a different post in a different section of MN (think there’s an area which deals with post natal issues). Then you’ll get relevant answers to help you.

Thsnk you. @HighHeelsRedLips seems to be rewriting my op. Obvious to me she's got nothing better to do on a Saturday morning than enjoy posting nonsense to try & deliberately wind up a op.
Ignore from now on would be my.best policy.

Why not just have a cosy night in in front of the telly?
@Jammydodger70 in your Jim jams

I think you should go and just avoid him. You can tell him you’re not interested if he approaches you. You’ve already paid for this, if it’s crap or you don’t enjoy it, you can leave.

If the hotel is paid for… invite another friend and go to a different club tonight

If you want to go, go. No one's business apart from your own. Why are you having arguments with strangers online about your Saturday night, which surely should just be about fun.

Because she wants to go out dancing?

She already said that none of her other friends are available.