Shall I go out on my own tonight

[Jammydodger70]

I have a hotel room booked for tonight, so that me & a friend can go to a club night. Unfortunately she has cried off sick & the hotel is already paid for & non refundable.
I'm not worried about the money, but I've got itchy feet & still want to go out dancing! None of my other friends can go at this short notice. Some people do go on their own & just dance & chat. I have never done this & I'm worried about looking/feeling weird & lonely.
The other dilemma is this. I've been chatting/flirting with a man for a while who will be there tonight. Last month he walked me back to the hotel & we had a few kisses. It was lovely so I asked if he'd be there tonight. At which point he said he would be, but he's in a relationship. Just for the record I'm not!
If I go on my own how am I going to look in front of him & his mates? A desperately lonely woman? Or will I look like a stalker to them? When I imagine myself there tonight I keep thinking of the dental receptionist in Only Fools & Horses who kept popping up everywhere after Del Boy broke off their date & got back with Raquel.
This makes me feel that I should not go to the club tonight. I won't look & feel like a stalker then; but why should I be the one to not go because a man has been a complete dick head? Shall I stay in or go on my own & hold my head up high?

Absolutely go @Jammydodger70
If the only reason you’re a bit anxious is because you’re worried about what the man you’ve mentioned will think then just go with the intention of keeping your distance.
Why should his shitty behaviour dictate whether you get to do something you enjoy or not?

In your last thread about this (you've name changed so I can't find it) you said your friend had decided to stop going to the club with you
I think this is a bit more pre meditated than you're making out

Because she’d like to go out dancing 🤷‍♀️

I know a lot of this thread has been very unhelpful OP. But are you any closer to deciding what to do with your evening?

Go. Have fun. Meet new people.

Steer clear of that man and his friends, who cares what they think? Unless it's a tiny club they may not even see you, or realise you are there alone

You’re so right. It probably won’t put an end to the nonsense.

I never implied it was a single instance of chatting/flirting. Doesn't matter how many times we've chatted, the fact is I did no know.
Yes, me & friend usually go every couple of months. It's expensive to go every month when it involves a hotel stay. However, me & friend fancied another night out tonight, so why not go to our favourite genre of music place? Do you think that after him telling me he was in a relationship that me & friend should have picked a different night out?

Just go and have fun. Don't overthink it!

If you're referencing Only Fools and Horses you're clearly too old for all this shit!

The way things going you’ll spend your Saturday night arguing about this on mumsnet

YANBU but I’d look at why you’re going. I suspect it is for this guy - what if he turns up with his girlfriend? If not then fine but it feels like you could be setting yourself up for a bad time. I’d stay in the hotel anyway.

Go if you really want to but bear in mind it he might think you're going for him and it could be awkward.

How am I rewriting g your thread? Go back and read your own original post:

I have a hotel room booked for tonight, so that me & a friend can go to a club night. Unfortunately she has cried off sick & the hotel is already paid for & non refundable.
I'm not worried about the money, but I've got itchy feet & still want to go out dancing! None of my other friends can go at this short notice. Some people do go on their own & just dance & chat. I have never done this & I'm worried about looking/feeling weird & lonely.
The other dilemma is this. I've been chatting/flirting with a man for a while who will be there tonight. Last month he walked me back to the hotel & we had a few kisses. It was lovely so I asked if he'd be there tonight. At which point he said he would be, but he's in a relationship. Just for the record I'm not!
If I go on my own how am I going to look in front of him & his mates? A desperately lonely woman? Or will I look like a stalker to them? When I imagine myself there tonight I keep thinking of the dental receptionist in Only Fools & Horses who kept popping up everywhere after Del Boy broke off their date & got back with Raquel.
This makes me feel that I should not go to the club tonight. I won't look & feel like a stalker then; but why should I be the one to not go because a man has been a complete dick head? Shall I stay in or go on my own & hold my head up high?

😂 Screams desperation!

I have got better things to do that keep responding to your nonsense. See ya! 👋 Crack on and have fun!

Just go then.
Enjoy.

I hope you go, Jammy!
Being yourself is always the best way anyway - you are going for yourself, not because of him.
He’s just an…addendum to the evening…haha. And, you might meet someone else!
Don’t worry about what they think 💃 🎶

None of that ‘screams desperation’.
You’re just making things up. It’s weird.

Why so much emphasis on this man being there. Surely you are capable of enjoying your night without engaging with him. Whats wrong with just a casual 'Hi' and then move along if he approaches you.

All this 'I cant go because of a cheating man' is a smokescreen.
You know you are interested in him and think he is interested in you. You are aware he would cheat and you are putting yourself in the frame.

Why cant you go out and give him a polite 'No' if he tries it on. I suspect its because you would like him to otherwise why are you making such a fuss and drama about the possibility of seeing him.

Perhaps you will even find he is there and has another woman with him.

You’re giving mixed messages here. This guy is a prominent part of your original post, and it very much comes across as he’s part of the reason you’re so undecided whether to go or not. But then when posters are saying you need to stay away from him, shouldn’t go because of him etc, you’re being defensive saying “where have implied I want to see him again” etc. You obviously do otherwise you wouldn’t mention him.

Go to the club, have fun, but stay away from him.

But @HighHeelsRedLips she isn’t saying she’s going in order TO SEE HIM which would come across as desperate. She’s worried about what other people would think of her.

To which I say unless Double Timing Darren has told his equally sleazy mates that he’s on a monthly Northern Soul club promise with some woman out of town - how would they even know he’s snogged her??

She’s projecting and should ignore the twat.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5542229-should-i-carry-on-going-to-these-nights-out?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

What? He's not in a position to tell anyone not to go dancing. If the OP wants to go dancing, she should go. He's the creep.

This 👏

Never too old to dance @DidntLikeTheEnding!

@Jammydodger70 breathe…your replies are very defensive. Hope you had a nice night whatever you did.

@Jammydodger70 I completely understood your OP and the timeline.

i don’t believe this man was telling you not to come on the next club night.

I believe he was telling you he’d be there but was in a relationship. I think he was doing this so you could decide whether to carry on. He is clearly fine with being a cheat, so he’s put the responsibility for the decision on what happens next on you.

You absolutely should not be put off going by him, but it’s worth being aware that, if you do talk to him while there, his dickbrain will tell him ‘well, I told her I’d be here but I’m in a relationship, yet here she is anyway chatting to me, so she must be okay with it and still want to carry on’.

This would put you in a very vulnerable place in terms of physical safety because you’ll be alone.

So I’d go, but blank him completely, and if he sidles up, tell him clearly you’re not interested and he must not speak to you again. Then enjoy being with other people you have met there before.

If you don’t think you can do that I’d give it a miss this time.

If that's the same OP, then it's clear this man is the whole motivation behind all this. If he's a cheat, he'll cheat with anyone but I wouldn't be complicit in this. He's married with kids.