Shall I go out on my own tonight

[Jammydodger70]

I have a hotel room booked for tonight, so that me & a friend can go to a club night. Unfortunately she has cried off sick & the hotel is already paid for & non refundable.
I'm not worried about the money, but I've got itchy feet & still want to go out dancing! None of my other friends can go at this short notice. Some people do go on their own & just dance & chat. I have never done this & I'm worried about looking/feeling weird & lonely.
The other dilemma is this. I've been chatting/flirting with a man for a while who will be there tonight. Last month he walked me back to the hotel & we had a few kisses. It was lovely so I asked if he'd be there tonight. At which point he said he would be, but he's in a relationship. Just for the record I'm not!
If I go on my own how am I going to look in front of him & his mates? A desperately lonely woman? Or will I look like a stalker to them? When I imagine myself there tonight I keep thinking of the dental receptionist in Only Fools & Horses who kept popping up everywhere after Del Boy broke off their date & got back with Raquel.
This makes me feel that I should not go to the club tonight. I won't look & feel like a stalker then; but why should I be the one to not go because a man has been a complete dick head? Shall I stay in or go on my own & hold my head up high?

So many of them do this! I agree - it’s not OP’s fault and certainly not if she’s caught feelings she’s now trying to make sense of.

Oh OP. Last time, just a few days ago, you said you were in a relationship. Today you say you’re not.

You being in a relationship and still flirting / kissing / forming a ‘connection’ with this bloke at the club nights is not going to paint you in the innocent light you were claiming today.

💯 my interpretation too.

Oh I read it wrong. I thought she said he WASN'T in a relationship. In that case @Jammydodger70 go but steer clear of the bloke who only wants sex.

This thread is utterly depressing. Not the OP but all the weird judgey women who can’t imagine she just wants to go out and dance.
and also can’t read. The op was very clear that she was originally going with a friend (not to pick up men); didn’t know he was in a relationship when she was flirting; has made no effort to contact him since.

the saddest part is the number of people who don’t have enough imagination or joy in their hearts to understand that some women might literally just like music and dancing

It sounds to me like maybe the genre of music that the OP has mentioned a few times is something very specific, and that is important to her. When I was younger, my own fave genre of music was really important to me and I had a club like that where I felt I could find like-minded people - and when I was single it felt like the place I always wanted to be at, to potentially meet 'the one' as well as having fun with friends and seeing aquaintences there. It felt like part of a real 'scene' and felt more meaningful than a general more mainstream club.
If this is the case, then I understand why the OP doesn't want to miss the opportunity to go there.
OP, if you're truly not interested in that guy then my advice would be to go tonight, but totally avoid approaching him, and resist the temptation to even look over to check out him and his friends. If he approaches you then ok, tell him very briefly that you're disappointed by his behaviour. But only go there to dance, have fun and chat to others.

Go out and have a great night, OP. A man can only tell you what to do/not do, if you let him.
You're perfectly at liberty to have fun with the dance circle amd not engage with him. Why should you waste money hiding in the hotel, eating a takeaway? How utterly dull.

Pretty sure it's the same poster. Lots of use of '&' which is fairly distinctive

I've no issue with name changing but changing the details seems very disingenuous

I completely believe that OP primarily wants a good night out. But instead of saying ‘I’m a bit put off because some married dickhead is pursuing me and it might be awkward’, this man and their history looms way too large in the post and therefore in OP’s thinking.

Go, have a wonderful time, dance your socks off. We only get one life and we spend far far too much of it over thinking what other people think of us.

In reality, flirty but attached man, his mates, everyone else there will have 99% of their own thoughts occupied with about what they look like/ what others are thinking of them! If anything thinks anything at all about you being there solo it'll be how confident you are.

If FBA man is there, acknowledge him but he seems to be flirting set him straight, you've gone off him now you know he's messing about behind his partner's back.

No. Not unless you want to attract unsavoury types who will be looking out for someone alone such as yourself.

If you fancy going then I think go! As long as you don’t seek him out it’s clear you’re not looking for anything more with him so who cares what anyone thinks. He’s in the wrong here, I’d think it’s a good opportunity to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Enjoy!

Oh is it the Northern Soul poster? Yeah commented on that thread, those days out are a hot bed of married men trying to relive their youth 😬

Go out, it sounds like you really want to. You can always leave and go home early if you feel out of sorts. It could work out, you could start chatting with a group and it could be a great night

Yeah I agree, I can understand why people change minor details to avoid being recognised but changing relevant details is pointless because then the opinions you get from people aren't going to be relevant.

Why should I be the one to stop in & waste a hotel room? I have as much right to be there as him.
Well fo then and handle the situation like an adult. No one is making you stop in.

Is she incapable of looking after herself?
Are you suggesting women need to be accompanied at all times or be at risk of attracting ‘unsavoury types’?

I'm wondering if you have kids lol. Sounds delightful to me.

Just go and have fun. Who cares what you look like? This guy flirted with and kissed another woman when he was in a relationship, so he hasn't got a leg to stand on when it comes to judging you. Go have fun, and go home when you stop having fun.

Only fools is a classic for all ages!
I’m 32 with a 9 year old and we both love it 🤣 ..he’s too young to be chatting up birds and knockin ‘em bandy, mind you, but he’d definitely reference the show.

I'm also cross that because of yet another dick head man it's the woman who doesn't get to do what she wants. Why should I be the one to stop in & waste a hotel room? I have as much right to be there as him.

Many sympathies OP. You go out and enjoy.

Go for the music, get a drink, have a dance. It's fun going out alone sometimes and you'll get talking to someone. If not just go back to hotel. If you see the dirty cheater creep, just nod and keep walking.

@Monty36

no. We cannot curtail our lives because of stupid men.

There is no need to make suggestions that I am making suggestions I have not made.

@Elbreth

plenty of people with kids would rather go out and dance than sit in with a takeaway!