Utterly sickened by rugby tour/stag DP attended

[Stagupset]

I have name changed for this. DP plays rugby and they have an annual weekender/end of season tour somewhere each season, usually always in the UK. One of the players is getting married so they did a combined tour/stag this year abroad.

I am friendly with a couple of other partners and so have been made aware of some of the details.

They hired someone to be handcuffed to the stag, purely based on his small size. I find this really offensive.

There was really really weird games/dares involving urine that I won’t repeat on here.

Two players, DP included, lost a bet and had to streak in public wearing only a pair of underwear each which was ‘borrowed’ from a hen party out there.

At least two players cheated on their wives.

DP has verified all of the above and said it’s standard fare when rugby players go away together (added that he was unaware of the cheating and wouldn’t approve). I can’t say I was ever aware of this rugby ‘notoriety’ before I met him.

I have told him I disapprove and he thinks I am over reacting and should accept it’s par for the course. Am I over reacting?

I do find it really strange that you call them childish games. If a child of mine behaves like that there would be serious consequences - no child of mine would be drinking, playing urine games, and streaking or any of the other stuff these adults got up to . Calling them childish games just minimises and excuses unacceptable behaviour that no children I know indulge in.

But fair enough. I will agree to disagree.

29 percent of people think your being unreasonable to feel sick at this behavior, which includes men cheating on there wives.

So all beacuse it's part of the culture of rugby women shouldn't feel sick about it and just accept it's just rugby lads.

Would any of the 29 percent care to elaborate, and if it was your husband cheating on a similar trip would you just pass it off as rugby culture?

I’ve never had much interest in rugby at all but clearly remember- 20 odd years later- the uni rugby lads i knew and rumours about what they used to get up to. Naked dares, drinking, swallowing each others wee and semen.
Bleurgh! So it all sounds quite normal for a rugby group.

The cheating is different.

That's rugby lads for you. My husband has just come back from a stag and the stag was handcuffed to a dwarf, he didn't like it so they just had a normal night out with him instead but there was non of what you said. The rugby stuff is madness I remember some lads from uni, it's definitely a thing to do really weird crazy things and if they dont I guess theyd get the p taken out of them, especially on a stag. Cheating is horrendous

It's a pretty good solution to the Ryan Air under-seat travel case problem on another thread.

Save space in your case by asking any rugby players on your plane if they wouldn't mind wearing your knickers until landing.

Rugby tours have always been notorious as long as no one gets hurt why worry. Not saying it’s right but least face it on hen dos most don’t sit there just drinking cups of tea do they.

obviously cheating is wrong and not saying I agree with the behaviour but it doesn’t sound out the ordinary for these tours.

All sounds absolutely disgusting. BIL is a rugby player and has done much worse. Doesn’t make it ok

What is it about Rugby and swallowing piss and semen? I don't understand it. Is it repressed homosexuality?

i think its more jackass type stunts more than the psychoneurotic parts of it

*In the context of hazing, the term psychoneurotic refers to the extreme mental, emotional, and psychological trauma induced by abusive initiation rituals.

They all just sound so bloody stupid .
The cheating with random people is truly vile
Is anyone faithful these days ?

Agreed can people get any more patronising these days

seems many are only faithful in their minds, while the lover is in their arms

She’ll be pregnant by page 5

Well unless people leave their partners the second they have found they act like this what do you want people to do? put their partners on the naughty step, wag their finger at them, threaten to tell their mummy what do you expect people to do about it?

What a very childish and immature response what would you do about it that would be an interesting one?

The other day we had women advising someone to read her husband the riot act or possibly even divorce because he came home pissed and sharted.

Today it’s apparently fine for a husband to run through the streets in nothing but another woman’s dirty underwear while attending an event that normalises piss play and cheating on wives…because “rugby” 🙄

I know I'll get absolutely flamed for this, but the hypocrisy and doublethink when it comes to "rugby boys" on Mumsnet is really dismaying, but also really typical of how women on here rank these men as a top prize.

What I mean is this:

If you replaced the words "rugby tour" with "football tour", or let's make it worse, "darts tour", I can GUARANTEE these people would be absolutely flamed and excoriated. You would never have Mumsnetters falling over each other to casually explain away "oh but it's a darts tour my dears, they all do that, it's expected and if no one gets hurt it's fine". But use the word rugby and everyoe's an apologist.

Before anyone tries it, those exact words or near enough were written on this thread. And dozens more of people saying "it's rugby, they do this, it's to be expected".

Hmm.

I wonder what it is about rugby that allows this kind of PR to be written?

We all know what it is. I went to a top university where women fawned over rugby players as the kind of hyper-masculine, thick necks, physically imposing, gentle giants, fiercely loyal, family men. The rules based code of rugby just adds to that. People who smash into each on the pitch but abide by the ref's rules and therefore could be moral, great partners

I''ll get a dozen or so women in the next few pages telling me off for even daring to criticise this trope. Rugby men are loyal, they're honest, they're the best family men.

Well... as someone who has known a few, they cheat too. A lot. They do ultra-disgusting things on "lads nights" because behind all the brawn and "banter" and so on, are some people who haven't done the work on their own psychology.

Anyone who knows ANYTHING about rugby tours knows that they operate on a alcohol fuelled herd mentality.

People lose their own moral compass because the whole code is to adopt the behaviour of the wildest person in the group. What starts as an optic run or a drinking game, becomes eating raw meat, drinking piss, nudity, abuse.

The crowd normalises the cruelty.

So it turns out that one's Labrador of a rugger boy is actually a bit of a dimwit who follows the herd because they want to belong.

Give me a pigeon chested tech boy who knows himself and won't be swayed any day.

Well i wouldn't have a relationship with someone who acted like this in 30 years my husband has not acted appalling but I dont need to lecture him like a 2 year old either

This kind of behaviour seems to be the norm and instilled in the boys from a very early age. The rugby teams at my kids schools behave appallingly when they meet socially. Parties organised by the Captains where ridiculous amounts of alcohol are consumed is just the start. By the time they go to university the behaviour is ingrained. It appears to be accepted by parents as part of the rugby culture.

British rugby; and yes, it does seem like homoeroticism gone mad.

NZ rugby teams have their own serious issues (binge drinking, more rarely rape/sexual assault against women, or dangerous behaviour) but I'm gobsmacked by the fact that the extreme behaviour on this thread is just excused as normal for British rugby players, and not considered weirdly, disgustingly aberrant.

Anyone willing to date a man who does that sort of thing has literally zero standards. Gross.

A lot of them probably hated it but they are so stupid they keep quiet and go along with this awful behaviour! Idiots!

Standard for rugby tours - find it abhorrent. Broke up with my ex over cheating and the stuff you describe sounds similar to the crap that went on when he captained his local club. I dread to think what I didn’t know about, the consumption of bodily fluids and goodness knows what makes me 🤢

Interesting that so many people have described these men as kids. Imagine your five-year-old DS running around the playground with a bottle of somebody else's piss and wearing nothing but one of his female classmate's knickers. And the head saying, 'It's OK, he's in the rugby team.'
Hmm.

I would see my man putting someone’s else’s underwear on as cheating. That’s fucking gross. He would have had to approach the woman and chat them off her. Straight to divorce.

I used to have very close ties with a rugby club and tbh most of that was a standard Saturday night.

The only difference is that some of them are clearly unable to keep quiet about their teammates’ behaviour