Utterly sickened by rugby tour/stag DP attended

[Stagupset]

I have name changed for this. DP plays rugby and they have an annual weekender/end of season tour somewhere each season, usually always in the UK. One of the players is getting married so they did a combined tour/stag this year abroad.

I am friendly with a couple of other partners and so have been made aware of some of the details.

They hired someone to be handcuffed to the stag, purely based on his small size. I find this really offensive.

There was really really weird games/dares involving urine that I won’t repeat on here.

Two players, DP included, lost a bet and had to streak in public wearing only a pair of underwear each which was ‘borrowed’ from a hen party out there.

At least two players cheated on their wives.

DP has verified all of the above and said it’s standard fare when rugby players go away together (added that he was unaware of the cheating and wouldn’t approve). I can’t say I was ever aware of this rugby ‘notoriety’ before I met him.

I have told him I disapprove and he thinks I am over reacting and should accept it’s par for the course. Am I over reacting?

Well isn't that what the rugby wankers do on weekdays

not sure i only know of stock brokage firms

Hmm I would be suspicious that he is wanting to protect his future annual trips. Saying you are overreacting and denying knowing anything about any cheating is all gaslighting behaviour , especially when he says he does not think it was right that the cheating went on as though he would have been shocked by it . If he wouldnt agree with it then he should be showing this by not accusing his wife of overreacting . I mean two of them had underwear on from the hen party and one was your DP and I would wonder how they got access to the underwear.

Was it from suitcases that they agreed to borrow the stags or did they whip off the underwear in the toilets and then wait for it back after the challenge? Pretty grim thinking of the idea of two ladies possibly being both bra less and panty less watching two attached husbands borrowing them isnt it? Im sorry but I would be worried about the respect for your relationship with this one xx

So apparently from the consensus of rugby associated people this is not uncommon.... That's different to it being 'normal'. None of what you described is normal behaviour is it?
Thing is what are you going to do about?
Personally this would give me the 😂massive ick. I just would find it all deeply unattatractive. How could you want to be with soy like this?
But maybe you find it deeply attractive though?

This sort of behaviour always screams repression to me. Pathetic men who didn't get enough attention in childhood and tonnes of unresolved sexual issues, many homoerotic.

Well plenty of posts on this thread are trying to shame women about the fact that the women on here aren't offended enough upon hearing these tales of men.
Because whatever a man does, a woman has to be blamed.
Literally nothing other than total pearl clutching and denouncing of men is an acceptable reaction to some people round here.
Perhaps some of us have seen too much and run out of fucks to give.

Did you not see the recent thread where an op posted about the dreadful boozy debauched behaviour of the parents on a pre secondary rugby tour?! The mumsnet massive seemed to tell her to get over it😬😧… I’ve no idea why people think it’s ok to let their kids think this sort of behaviour is ok. These fuckwit blokes will think it’s all fun and games till it’s their daughter. Proper wankers.

added that he was unaware of the cheating and wouldn’t approve

Bullshit 🤣 Of course he was aware of the cheating.

You know you’re not overreacting. In fact, if your husband is over the age of 20 I think you’re underreacting. Because this is the type of shit that students do on university rugby trips.

It’s standard behaviour for a rugby tour unfortunately. I’ve got a few generations of rugby players in my family and I love them, but they are all pigs! You can’t even tell them how disgusting they are because they are proud of it!

OP's H is hardly likely to say to her the cheating was ok is he? After all he admits to being naked apart from wearing another woman's knickers so who knows what he got up to with this woman or any other. It 's almost impossible he didn't know about the cheating that OP was told about because it was obviously common knowledge

Running round naked in public, joining up with hen parties, chaining the stag to a small person, games involving piss : all good clean entertainment in your eyes? Do the little boys you know behave like that? And he and his pals aren' t little boys: they are allegedly adults in relationships .
Why are people like you trying to excuse this type of behaviour? Who wants to be married or in a relationship with men who behave like this, and are probably doing a lot worse that hasn't been found out yet, behind their wives and partner's backs.

But it isn't always & doesn't need to be. DS1 played two games for his university team & vowed never again: he said it was 'full of the wrong type of private school old boys, ie wankers' & full of misogny, classism, stupidity & coersive behaviour. He'd been raised since little in our local team where team-work, community & fun were the focus. He was so disappointed & they lost a talented player.

He joined surf club instead & had a ball.

All sounds standard (tame, even) for rugby lads on TOUR - which is why I wouldn't date a rugby lad. Did you not know that this is what they're like? How long have you been with your DP?

Sounds quite mild. It was a rugby tour.

I am NOT excusing cheating. I am also uncomfortable about the little person comments but don't know the facts.

But you are making a lot of assumptions that more cheating is going on than there is any evidence to be the case. The fact is a lot of men enjoy getting drunk and being silly but it doesn't mean there is any cheating going on. A few women probably do too. I honestly don't see the harm in most of it. If reminded, I don't think any of the men will see it as their finest hour, but it was a fun weekend with their mates. Though I imagine it probably doesn't feel quite so much fun under the microscope.

When I was at university the rugby lads were the worst behaved out of everyone. Far worse than the football teams. Rugby tours were renowned for behaviour like this. But none of the games involved piss - it was always spunk.

Would I tolerate it? No, but I despise the rugby culture. Arrogant blokes, often privately educated but more often than not chauvinistic, meat heads. That bellend James Haskell is the epitome of this.

However I am surprised that you’re shocked OP - it’s par for the course with rugby tours. All this stuff will have been happening on all the previous tours, you just didn’t know about it.

Sounds mild to me, heard a lot worse
was in Mallorca at the weekend
a Spanish stag had to to run down the beach in a mankini in to the sea, I thought it was funny

no point asking if you overreacted, one person’s acceptable or mild will be completely different from yours. You know in your gut how you feel and that ls real and valid to you

Nobody knows what went on apart from the people involved.

From the information OP has we know at least three of the men were running around naked and a group of women , also present, took their knickers off. And at least two of the group cheated.

Nobody knows exactly what went on but given the information OP has then if I were her I would not be confident that she knows the full extent of their appalling behaviour . And she has no idea , I presume , of what went on previous years when these guys went away together.

I know a high percentage of men cheat on stag dos and men only holidays. But it's not just the cheating. It's just absolutely disgusting behaviour.

I just can't understand the attitude of posters calling them " little boys". They are not little boys. How can women have any respect for men who behave like this? Why would anyone want to be in a relationship wmth a man who behaved like this?

That’s what I always thought when I used to hear about the rugby tours at university. They seem obsessed with taking their clothes off and drinking each other’s piss/semen.

I agree it's gross.

I agree its normal in rugby culture.

Would generally avoid rugby players.

This!

And where were all of the dirty-drawers switchers while they were making the exchange? in changing rooms? 🤔

Your partner should have to have a clean STD check before he touches your undies again. There's no telling what were on the "borrowed pair."🤢

This is normal men behaviour
on stag do’s. Dont have to play Rugby!

I have been on many a girls trip and seen plenty of married men copping off and clowning around. Pack mentality and booze seems to make them worse.

The group I have been away with have had men with their wedding rings on trying to get in their pants.

Some men are grim.

This is normal men behaviour
on stag do’s. Dont have to play Rugby!

I have been on many a girls trip and seen plenty of married men copping off and clowning around. Pack mentality and booze seems to make them worse.

The group I have been away with have had men with their wedding rings on trying to get in their pants.

Some men are grim.

I think whether someone wants to be in a relationship with a person is personal to them.

I think you make some really good points, but I still think there is a difference between childish games and cheating.

I suspect we are not going to find a common ground here so we may just choose to mutually respect each other's views and move on. Deal?

How’s it “exploiting” the little person, who, presumably, has free will, choice and autonomy over his own actions?

How patronising.

We get rugby tours in where I work (hospitality) and unfortunately this is pretty much exactly what we see/deal with. Every time we hear there's a rugby tour in there's a collective groan as we know what kind of weekend we're in for.