Utterly sickened by rugby tour/stag DP attended

[Stagupset]

I have name changed for this. DP plays rugby and they have an annual weekender/end of season tour somewhere each season, usually always in the UK. One of the players is getting married so they did a combined tour/stag this year abroad.

I am friendly with a couple of other partners and so have been made aware of some of the details.

They hired someone to be handcuffed to the stag, purely based on his small size. I find this really offensive.

There was really really weird games/dares involving urine that I won’t repeat on here.

Two players, DP included, lost a bet and had to streak in public wearing only a pair of underwear each which was ‘borrowed’ from a hen party out there.

At least two players cheated on their wives.

DP has verified all of the above and said it’s standard fare when rugby players go away together (added that he was unaware of the cheating and wouldn’t approve). I can’t say I was ever aware of this rugby ‘notoriety’ before I met him.

I have told him I disapprove and he thinks I am over reacting and should accept it’s par for the course. Am I over reacting?

Many years ago I went to a conference, IT based, with an over night stay, with a predominantly male group.
I was the only female in our group, and had a boyfriend, not in attendance.

A huge proportion cheated on their wives and girlfriends at a nightclub, with quite a few staying out overnight with local women who they met.

I was horrified.

I wouldn’t ever trust a man now.

Honestly they are all liars, even the nice ones, and I wouldn’t trust mine either

Interesting how the knickers have evolved to become ‘dirty’
They’ll be semen stained by p. 3

I totally agree with you. Just wondering what happened to this ritual. Think all men should be told this ritual is no longer the case, it may help them keep it in their trousers!

Five years old boys don't get steaming, run around naked apart from other women's underwear or cheat on their wives. Ir any of the other disgusting things OP hasn't heard about.

Unfortunately a lot of five year boys will grow up to do these things if women, and men, continue to regard this behaviour as normal and acceptable

How barbaric.

These gangs need to be broken up.

I’d say standard rugby behaviour. Plus The hiring of a midget to be handcuffed to the stag is becoming quite popular on stag do’s to east European countries from what I gather.

In Ilkley? The story went around that an international rugby team were refused admittance to the dining room without a tie, they went up to their rooms and returned wearing ties, but not round their necks! It was maybe 50 years ago though

My daughter WhatsApp me a couple of hours ago to say she is getting on a flight from Manchester to Dublin and it is absolute chaos with a Hen group heading to Dublin for the weekend. Shouting, screaming, walking around with half drunk bottles of wine, hardly wearing any clothes, blow up Penis, etc. Not just men that behave badly in a group.

This is why i broke up with my ex.

I couldn't handle the rugby stuff it was TOO gross.

They did some lock in where you had to be naked in the room they had plastic sheets and one bottle bin and I cant remember all the specifics but most of them ended up drinking a mix of leftover beer and eachothers piss from the bin.... 🤮🤮🤮

Rugby guys have always been like this, I shagged a couple as a student, would never have married one in a million years

A lot of this sounds vile but the key issue is your husband running around wearing another woman's knickers.

It does not seem unreasonable to be upset about your husband running around wearing another woman's knickers

There are some truly horrific things that have been done to women by groups of rugby players.

Two Ulster and Ireland rugby players were found not guilty in 2018 of gang raping a woman at a party and texting each other about it afterwards..Character references were given by their coaches. One continued his professional career in several clubs, despite #BelieveHer campaigns including one club, which later folded due to financial difficulties after loosing a major sponser over his signing.

Three ex international rugby players are serving long prison sentences in France for a brutal gang rape in 2024 of a 20 year old student, witness by two others. They claim it was consensual. She woke up with a crutch in her vagina. Two other rugby players who were also present were also sentenced.

So much for the hooligans game played by gentlemen..

But what is there to react to you weren't there sure it all sounds seedy and appalling but what are you going to do tell him off like he is a child? What do you want to happen now?

Id be surprised if this is all that has gone on... I’m sure the partners have only been given a snapshot into the shenanigans! Rugby tours can defo get a bit wild. Don't suppose he’ll change as its standard
for him so up to you whether u can accept it or not.

This sort of behaviour makes me feel sick and ashamed to have been assigned a 'Y' chromosome

Did you ask your husband if he would be upset if you were running around wearing another man's underwear?

hope she has a great time but if possible keep us updated with the antics as then it proves its not just men behaving badly

None of this sounds fun for the "stag", which I would have thought would be the main point of the festivities - especially the "handcuffed" part which doesn't make any sense and sounds like a waste of money.

In fact, what does anyone get out of this, beyond maybe a little frisson of transgression for very sheltered people attending for the first time who've never had the chance to do anything a little risqué as a child or teen? Did your husband have a great time overall, and would he choose to do this if he were making all the plans, or ask for it if he were the guest of honour? Just curious.

Normal for rugby. You’re lucky he came back with both eyebrows. Cricket tours are just as bad, probably because rugby players play cricket in the summer.
The majority of team sports indulge in ritualistic behaviour while on tour, usually involving drinking and forfeits. Unfortunately rugby players never really grow out of it, but they do look after each other.
They usually have a strict code of silence regarding tour activities. I try not to be shocked by DS’s stories but I was exposed to rugby players at uni where they are probably at their worst, so most of it is pretty tame in comparison. Social media means that they are a lot more cautious about their behaviour.
As for the cheating, I doubt that has anything to do with them being rugby players. Men who cheat will do so regardless of the situation.

My daughter is at uni and it sounds like standard (pathetic) rugby/football/hockey/football behaviour to me. I’m not sure it’s unique to rugby.

And, actually as a sport, I much prefer rugby. Hate football with a passion.

So they exploited a little person besides their cheating and games with urine. Sick assholes.
🤮

The cheating is unforgiveable, but even OP's DH seems to agree to that.

Is any of the rest of it that bad? Normally MNs come on here to complain that their DPs slept with prostitutes on their stag nights. This is just men being silly boys. They don't come out of it looking good, but they haven't hurt anyone (the cheating pair aside).

How is this relevant? It’s like you needed to mention women in a post about stag dos and the OP’s dh.

I shared a house with some rugby players, I was the only girl.They had fines meetings at our house. It was a weird dynamic, one housemate was the team captain and they were always fine to me, there was a lot of talk but it was mainly bravado.

I had a non rugby playing boyfriend who was pretty rubbish, one day a few of the rugger lads popped round, my housemate was out and I was snivelling because of the boyfriend, they were so sweet and we ended up having an impromptu bbq which they thought would cheer me up.
The rubbish boyfriend popped back later completely expecting me to be a wreck and instead found me laughing with a bunch rugger buggers. I've always been grateful for that and am still mates with some of them 30 years on.

I think this is quite standard behaviour for this sort of crowd. The question is, why is your partner part of this crowd? I know Dh wouldn’t be caught dead around anyone behaving like this. He knows it’s gross and unacceptable.