Utterly sickened by rugby tour/stag DP attended

[Stagupset]

I have name changed for this. DP plays rugby and they have an annual weekender/end of season tour somewhere each season, usually always in the UK. One of the players is getting married so they did a combined tour/stag this year abroad.

I am friendly with a couple of other partners and so have been made aware of some of the details.

They hired someone to be handcuffed to the stag, purely based on his small size. I find this really offensive.

There was really really weird games/dares involving urine that I won’t repeat on here.

Two players, DP included, lost a bet and had to streak in public wearing only a pair of underwear each which was ‘borrowed’ from a hen party out there.

At least two players cheated on their wives.

DP has verified all of the above and said it’s standard fare when rugby players go away together (added that he was unaware of the cheating and wouldn’t approve). I can’t say I was ever aware of this rugby ‘notoriety’ before I met him.

I have told him I disapprove and he thinks I am over reacting and should accept it’s par for the course. Am I over reacting?

Saying you disapprove isn't reacting at all, just stating a fact.

I couldn't find such a person attractive or worthy of respect, personally.

Because it’s not malicious.
Aside from cheating which is NOT in anyway acceptable rugby behaviour.
Groups of people break social norms and rugby at least tries to temper this with humour.

No dwarf throwing?

i work in music and the general ethos was ‘what goes on tour stays on tour’ I used to think it was quite amusing as an abstract kind of thing - until it wasn’t!!

Awful but very much the norm from my experience of rugby guys! The rugby team at uni were horrific and were the reason that any type of social called an initiation were banned!

My DD plays rugby. The women really aren’t much better! She’s recently been away on a joint trip with the men’s university rugby team. 😱

I think rugby players have always had the reputation for behaving like five year old boys when left unsupervised. I reckon that all sounds pretty par for the course.

You’ve never heard of this sort of behaviour in the rugby community? Really?

It makes my eyes roll out of my head when I hear rugby fans saying what a civilised sport it is compared to football when it’s so well known for this vile behaviour.

I worked in a bar where the local rugby club went after games over 40 years ago and their behaviour was awful even back then.

So just to be clear, you can only play rugby if you’re a massive knobhead with no morals?

May not be malicious but it’s offensive, disrespectful and not funny

Yup rugby lads are like this...I think it's all the head injuries.

Performative assholery. Don’t know which is more revolting. That these guys are such sheep or what they choose to sheepishly follow

Time these Neanderthal rituals were stopped. Why shouldn’t the wives find out what scumbags their partners have been?

Sounds standard for some rugby teams. At my DS ex-club (16-18yrs ), it was viewed as quite normal for the boys to get drunk until they vomit. Alcohol was purchased by the coaches and forfeits issued for the boys who didnt / wouldn't take part. It was dangerous and really unpleasant so he ended up leaving.

Some of the most jaw-dropping, toe-curling behaviour I have ever heard about was on a women’s rugby team tour when they met up with a men’s rugby team also on tour. That said, I don’t believe that this is confined to only people who play rugby! The same happens on football, cricket, golf etc. all team outings and stag dos. The agreement ‘what goes on on tour, stays on tour’ always gets broken and in the same way that people betray their partners, they betray confidences too. People go to long lengths for a laugh and to not be singled out as not up for a laugh and obviously to cheat. Unpleasant but ‘normal’ in many circles sadly.

It's definitely par for the course with rugby teams, I'm afraid. Cringey & grim.

Mixing a rugby tour with a stag do is pretty much worst case scenario.

Sounds quite normal for a rugby tour!! Why I'd never date a rugby player...

thats only for offices of stock broker firms aparently

we need more female tales to even the odds and give more insight to the womens side of things

Thats why they’re called ‘Rugger Buggers’.

Some women are just as bad. Some hen parties I have witnessed mostly abroad are a disgrace
too. it’s all
about what is acceptable to u as a person. The handcuffs is just disgraceful. Wearing woman’s knickers or bras? Gross. Cheating? Par of the course it appears. Load of men together? It happens.

plus without the women no cheating could also be possible or the dirty knickers

And many hen parties are no better.

You’re allowed to disapprove and he’s allowed to carry on as he is. Fwiw when my husband was a lot younger and played rugby he admitted streaking more than once when he lost a bet or something. I think nudity is a thing with rugby? It seems to be. He never mentioned piss though and he’s in his 40s now and doesn’t play anymore.

The cheating is a separate issue and assuming he’s not cheated on you, it’s not his business or yours tbh. It’s hardly his fault other people behaved that way.