Utterly sickened by rugby tour/stag DP attended

[Stagupset]

I have name changed for this. DP plays rugby and they have an annual weekender/end of season tour somewhere each season, usually always in the UK. One of the players is getting married so they did a combined tour/stag this year abroad.

I am friendly with a couple of other partners and so have been made aware of some of the details.

They hired someone to be handcuffed to the stag, purely based on his small size. I find this really offensive.

There was really really weird games/dares involving urine that I won’t repeat on here.

Two players, DP included, lost a bet and had to streak in public wearing only a pair of underwear each which was ‘borrowed’ from a hen party out there.

At least two players cheated on their wives.

DP has verified all of the above and said it’s standard fare when rugby players go away together (added that he was unaware of the cheating and wouldn’t approve). I can’t say I was ever aware of this rugby ‘notoriety’ before I met him.

I have told him I disapprove and he thinks I am over reacting and should accept it’s par for the course. Am I over reacting?

I dont think so. It's tacky as hell imo.

Embarrassing but standard behaviour from rugby boys in my experience

I've heard a lot worse!

You can't blame your husband for other people cheating.

Tours were ever thus. Many years ago friends of mine went on hockey tour and came back with tales of Bush burning...
Some of it's harmless, some gross, some inappropriate, some wrong. You disapproving is of no consequence to those who did something dreadful. As long as your DP didn't behave outrageously, I'd just ignore the whole thing and not discuss it again.

Normal for rugby.

Why are so many people accepting of this behaviour?

TBH, I’m 50 now but grew up in a rugby playing town/city (nobody cares about football here) and had quite a few rugby playing friends. Sounds like a standard weekend for them. Not now, at 50, but as younger men definitely.

Rugby boys have this reputation, I am surprised you haven't heard this before. Doesn't make it right though!

Honestly this makes me despair even more about men. WTF is wrong with them

Run !

Who are bringing up sons thinking this is okay behaviour?

If my partner wore another woman’s dirty knickers fresh from her body I would be gutted. I’d feel humiliated and betrayed.

How are you okay with that?

This.

What gave you the impression I am ‘okay’ with that exactly?

That sounds standard for rugby tour - how did you not know this already?

Because its rugby apparently

Maybe twenty years ago, not now.

If you believe he didn't know about the cheating and does not approve you will believe anything OP . Do you trust him ? Unfortunately men act like children when they are together you either trust him and allow him to act this way or you end it .

The fact that pp are saying this is " normal" behaviour reveals how women have been conned into accepting this disgusting nonsense.

I expect there is a lot of other things that went on at this, and previous trips,that are much worse than than what you have heard about.

Your H was pranciing about naked wearing another woman's underwear ? I would take with a pinch of salt his denial about knowing about the cheating - it was obviously common knowledge.

So will he be going on their next debauched trip OP ? Are you happy to be married to man who behaves like this with his friends?

Sounds quite mild. I was a hotel manager that hosted these in the 90s and iit was eye watering what wen5 on. 5 star hotel too

You’re asking if you’re overreacting.

Who cares if anyone thinks you’re overreacting? How do YOU feel?

I suppose you could see yourself as the lucky wife; your DH only wore some stranger’s dirty knickers and didn’t go further and cheat on you.

This time at least!

Lads. Lads. Lads.

And he knew about the cheating because, you know, lads.

Exactly this
I wouldn’t want to associate myself with these people to be honest

What happened to

‘whatever happens on the stag, stays on the stag?’

Heads are going to roll once those wives who were cheated on find out. Did your H ask which players couldn’t keep their mouth shut?