Utterly sickened by rugby tour/stag DP attended

[Stagupset]

I have name changed for this. DP plays rugby and they have an annual weekender/end of season tour somewhere each season, usually always in the UK. One of the players is getting married so they did a combined tour/stag this year abroad.

I am friendly with a couple of other partners and so have been made aware of some of the details.

They hired someone to be handcuffed to the stag, purely based on his small size. I find this really offensive.

There was really really weird games/dares involving urine that I won’t repeat on here.

Two players, DP included, lost a bet and had to streak in public wearing only a pair of underwear each which was ‘borrowed’ from a hen party out there.

At least two players cheated on their wives.

DP has verified all of the above and said it’s standard fare when rugby players go away together (added that he was unaware of the cheating and wouldn’t approve). I can’t say I was ever aware of this rugby ‘notoriety’ before I met him.

I have told him I disapprove and he thinks I am over reacting and should accept it’s par for the course. Am I over reacting?

They've likely had prior experience.

Amoral too, so when did you develop a conscience?

The piss drinking and dressing up as a woman is definitely a rugby thing. Usually accompanied by some homoerotic behaviour. Known for it since I was at school, Uni etc.

Getting naked (or at least one member of the team having the rep of doing so) seems to happen with most male sports.

The cheating and everyone covering it up sadly just seems to be a man thing.

Oh dear.

I stopped doing it over half of my lifetime ago. What do you want me to say? That I regret my actions and have spent my life trying to make up for them? Why?

Sorry, I disagree. It is terrible.

I agree.

I don't understand the 'relaxed' approach.

No shit! Really?

You aren’t going to like anything I say so not sure why you are bothering to pick up on every comment. And then agree with every other poster who thinks I’m a wicked woman who stole other women’s husbands 🤣

Luckily you don’t have to understand. It’s irrelevant that you can’t ’identify’ with the lifestyle or whatever.

I get it, you think I did far more than I actually did and I should probably be stoned as a ‘loose woman’ or something. That is your opinion.

I am not the one throwing insults and misogynistic comments at a stranger so I’m fine with that.

Wow his attitude is disgusting

DS knows it’s wrong to cheat whether you are 18 or 40. He knows you don’t fool around with someone who has a partner. Doesn’t matter how old you are

I reiterate: I do not care about what you did.

What I found illuminating is your lightheartedness about being unexpectedly groped alongside the other insouciant comments you have made.

Boys?

Yet you keep coming at every comment I make. If you dont care then why bother? It’s clear that whatever I say will bother you on some level.

My son used to play when about 11 or 12 for a club and loved it . One of the parents organised a Christmas Party for the kids but at about 5pm adult players came in the club house and started playing drinking games with urine and vomit involved . We left but our objections fell on deaf ears.

Because rugby is considered a middle class sport

The landlords wife came down to tell us as the flat they lived in looked over the beer garden.
The deputy manager went out and she told them to put their clothes on, finish their food and drink and then leave - which they did. She was quite calm but no nonsense that they responded well too.

I wouldn't say "normal" normal but it does seem that certain sports seem to bring out a hazing type of social culture and rugby seems to be one of them. I'd say that most participants outgrow it once they are out of their teens but there's always one as the saying goes and the situation described by the OP does seem to be beyond "typical" for a rowdy sports club

With urine and vomit?

Goodness. What in the world.

I don't think so. Because you say you don't 'like the term' and he's 'just as much to to blame' in one breath, but then go snd judge the woman - who is nothing to do with you at all in the other? Where's the loaded, derogatory slur for him though?

You express disgust and that he's not coming near you tol he gets an STI test rather than never coming near you again because hes a disgusting, misogynistic prick?
🙄

That escalated quickly, as the meme is.

Might be quicker if you said what you wouldn’t ban

Sideways

I don't understand why it took the intervention of the Landlord's wife for the nudity and anti social behaviour to be stopped. If she hadn't intervened the person managing the bar would have presumably let these men cavort around in the nude. That's is just enabling the behaviour. What if the police had come into the pub? Presumably they would have lost their licence for keeping a disorderly house. Quite rightly.

People are enabling this behaviour. We are talking about adults , who presumably have jobs, partners, children and yet you are talking about them " growing out " of this behaviour as though it's absolutely normal for so called civilised people to behave like this.

This is what really gets me. The patronising " oh they are just children" attitude. Oh it happens it all the time. No wonder they get away with it. No wonder the behaviour gets more and more outrageous.

It wasn't that no was doing anything about it was that the landlords wife watched them undressing so came down. The deputy manager who was the person running that shift then went outside by which point they were naked and she told them to put their clothes on finish the food and drink they had already paid for and leave. They had been undressed for less than 5 minutes

It was service at the bar for food and drink akin to a weatherspoons type pub. You couldn't see the beer garden from the bar so it wouldn't have otherwise been seen until someone complainer or I had to take food out.

We didn't condone it, we shut it down as soon as we were aware of it. I don't know where you have got them impression that the behaviour was encouraged or enabled by the staff. It was a student union group of rugby players so they were all 18 -20 so I don't think many of them had partners, jobs or children!

Since being nude isn't an offence I'm not sure what the police would have done and it wasn't exactly a disorderly. It was a group of "lads" being pricks, who were asked to change their behaviour and did so. I don't condone the behaviour, I wouldn't associate with a person that engaged with the behaviour but who am I to judge another person for what they do as they have a night out. Living and working in city centres for 15 years has meant I've seen a lot and as much from women as men. My gran and her sister used to get kicks out of pulling down young mens trousers if they were half way down their derriere with their boxers on show. I didn't condone that behaviour either!

Since being nude isn't an offence

I'm sorry but this is not true in that whether it's an offence or not very much depends on the circumstances of the nudity. Perhaps you should read up about the law on this? Being nude in a pub beer garden is very likely a criminal offence and would very likely result in the loss of the pubs licence. For one thing if thd pub didn't have a licence for sexual entertainment then nudity on the pub premises would be deemed as sexual entertainment.
I'm amazed that you were working in a pub and seem to have absolutely no idea of the laws regarding behaviour in an establishment licensed to sell alcohol. Was the under manager as ignorant if the law as you.

It was a group of "lads" being pricks,
This is again you minimising their behaviour. They are adults. It was a group of adult men breaking the law.

It's not an offence to be naked in public in England and Wales but it does become an offence if it can be proved the person stripped off with the intention to upset and shock. The complainant has to prove this.

In Scottish law there is no statutory offence, just the common law offence of offending public decency - a strand of the breach of the peace. The test is essentially the same as in English law, that a member of the public has been put in a state of fear or alarm.

I'm aware of the law. Nudity is only illegal if the intent is to cause alarm or distress to the general public or if it is for sexual gratification. I didn't see this as doing either of those. From a pub perspective we didn't want that behaviour in the pub so we asked them to leave mostly as we didn't want escalation of behaviours. If they were being pricks at 7pm we didn't really want to see what would happen after another couple of hours of drinking.

How is calling them pricks minimising their actions? They were being childish arseholes but they weren't aggressive or abusive or disorderly. I have seen much bigger arseholes that are abusive but do so disguised by being well dressed.

When asked to put their clothes on they did so and they moved on to somewhere else. From a licencing perspective the fact that as soon as it was identified it was stopped and they were asked to leave that wouldn't have brought the licence holder into trouble. It also only happened the once, to my recollection, it is over 15 years ago this happened so apologies if my memory is hazy.

If it isn’t illegal, and he isn’t cheating or doing something along those lines, it's none of your business, and sure as hell not your place to give some approval like you are the arbiter of what other adults can and can't do.