Utterly sickened by rugby tour/stag DP attended

[Stagupset]

I have name changed for this. DP plays rugby and they have an annual weekender/end of season tour somewhere each season, usually always in the UK. One of the players is getting married so they did a combined tour/stag this year abroad.

I am friendly with a couple of other partners and so have been made aware of some of the details.

They hired someone to be handcuffed to the stag, purely based on his small size. I find this really offensive.

There was really really weird games/dares involving urine that I won’t repeat on here.

Two players, DP included, lost a bet and had to streak in public wearing only a pair of underwear each which was ‘borrowed’ from a hen party out there.

At least two players cheated on their wives.

DP has verified all of the above and said it’s standard fare when rugby players go away together (added that he was unaware of the cheating and wouldn’t approve). I can’t say I was ever aware of this rugby ‘notoriety’ before I met him.

I have told him I disapprove and he thinks I am over reacting and should accept it’s par for the course. Am I over reacting?

I was working in a pub whilst at uni and had the uni rugby team on their summer night out . They had been banned from most venues... By about 7pm we had a number of them naked in the beer garden.

Alcohol/streaking based drinking games/dares seem pretty standard. Cheating and what ever was going on with the urine probably less standard

Crass. Disgusting.

Many 'sportsmen' behave like this.

Simply put, the majority of men lack control.

Or. More likely, they can easily control themselves when they need to /want to. But they think they don't have to because people don't judge them in the way they judge women

I'm from a day when your Nan got the slotted spoon out if you showed yourself no respect. It was never me who dropped their underwear.

She probably wouldn't, also a sign of no respect

What sort of age are you?

The reason I ask is that if you are under 80, you would have grown up in a world where you lived through the sixties or later.

Talking about self respect and ‘it wasn’t you who dropped your underwear’ makes it sound more like you lived 100 years ago or in a very religious community.

And hitting someone isn’t the best way to teach them self respect (and I say this as someone who grew up in the 70s and was smacked as a kid and doesn’t have an issue with it).

So what happened when these guys were running round naked in the beer garden? Were they turfed out? Were the cops called because they were breaking public decency laws?

I mean I remember the rugby club at uni getting steaming in the students union on a regular basis and behaving like morons - a " game " involving hitting each other over the head with beer trays springs to mind. Nothing onto the sordid nonsense OP describes. And they were almost universally disliked and viewed with disdain by the rest of the students. "Rugby meatheads" was how my boyfriend, later my first H, described them.That was in the 1970s.

It's a matter of true sadness to me that over 50 years later the type of behaviour that OP describes is actually described as "normal" by so many pp on this thread.
The reasoisut is accepted " normal" is because people have allowed it to become so. And actually accept this demeaning behaviour from boy friends, partners and husbands.

I truly wish women had the confidence to avoid men like this.

And those with the confidence to enjoy hanging out around men like that? I’m guessing you judge them even harder for lack of moral fibre or just being evil. (Or even worse, pity them for being stupid).

Whatever makes you feel better I guess.

Back in the day when I did it, I can genuinely say it was brilliant and I wouldn’t have changed the experience for the world.

I’m sure their wives knew the score but they rarely bothered hanging around at all.

Pardon?

No woman's confidence should be so low that they entertain a man like this.

I'm not judging anyone.

If you want a man like this, go for it. There are many out there.

That says a lot about you.

What has confidence got to do with it? It just means you are on the same level as them when it comes to disgusting behaviour.

There are always a certain amount of women who embrace and enable bad behaviour in men.

If it suits you to believe it’s low confidence or whatever, then of course carry on.

’I’m not judging anyone’ seems an odd comment when you are judging them and also me.

I never said I wanted a man of my own like that. I said I enjoyed hanging out with men like that back in the day. I certainly wouldn’t have had anything more than a fling with any of them.

Other people are talking about confidence and how people that are involved mustn’t have any or any self esteem or whatever helps them square it in their minds.

It was a short stage of my life. I’m not the same person I was 30 years ago (none of us are) - I’m sensible, teetotal and celibate. But I don’t regret it.

My ex went to a stag do in a cricket club and some of the blokes stuffed cricket bales up the grooms arse.

She's clearly an enabler.

Wow. How erotic. Male bonding? 🤣🤣🤣

Do you do really mean "bails"or "balls"?

I do really hope it was "bails" 😳

Yes indeed. If it makes you feel better to believe that, you crack on 🤣

So, you enjoyed being the 'beer' for multiple men back in your youth?

Which could have resulted in serious internal injury, maybe death due to perforated bowel.Idiots.

That is beyond gross. There were limits even back in my day and nothing was stuck up anyone

disgusting

and they justify it by being a rugby team

twats

Why are men so abusive to each other? It’s awful

I 've only been dipping in and out of the thread so haven't seen the debate about confidence.

I don't see it as a confidence thing. I would just assume shared values. That a woman joining in with this disgusting behaviour as the men shares their values. And as such is deserving of the same contempt.

If you don't regret behaving the way you did fair enough. But it doesnt sound as though you have grown as a person if you still condone and admire people who engage in this unedifying uncivilised way..

Because they have not grown up.