Transgender niece

[Stargazelamb]

My niece lives in another country and I’ve just heard that she is becoming a he. She has changed her name, is taking hormone medication and now has facial hair. She is a transgender boy. However she sees herself as a boy. AIBU to think she will never be a biological boy and to refer to her as a transgender boy? I realise this could be an emotive topic.

Thank you, I agree. I’m feeling really sad and it’s like a grief. Like someone sad upthread he/she is doing irreversible damage before their brain has fully matured.

Exactly this.

How old is your niece?

edited sorry I have read your post saying she’s 19. Hope the decision won’t be o e they regret

Oh I wouldn't worry about it being an emotive subject. This topic comes up on Mumsnet more days than it doesn't. And I think given your views you are on pretty safe ground on here.

Are they taking hormones OP? That's the really difficult bit. Female systems can be massively messed up by testosterone.

Yes taking hormones. It makes me sad, in fact I’m now I’ve posted about it I’m upset. I feel sad I wasn’t there to help during childhood trauma and an abusive mother

It's clear that you don't care about her uterus or fertility. Your airy dismissal of the physical and mental health risks involved for this young woman - who the OP has explicitly said is a vulnerable person who has suffered childhood trauma - is chilling

@Stargazelamb , you clearly love and care about your niece. In your position I would use the name she wants you to use so as not to alienate her, but avoid using pronouns (either male or female) as I wouldn't be able to go along with the lie that she has changed sex. I agree with PPs you should try posting about this on the Feminism: sex and gender discussion board. I hope your niece comes through this

Do you intend to use the word "transgender" every time you refer to your nephew? This is my transgender nephew. He's a transgender boy. When he's older he may be the best(transgender)man at his friend's wedding and
Chair(transgender)man of his own company.

I would get used to using the nouns and pronouns he is asking you to use and you need to roll your eyes internally when you do, that's what we all do for family in one way or another.

Thank you, I’m here crying. Maybe it’s just sinking in

The Tavistock clinic, who were seeing these children, kept their own figures to start with. You will see from this image (if it loads) that your niece's background is part of the usual pattern:

She/he will never be biological male. I suspect she/he will be perfectly happy to be recognised as a trans-man by you.

But tbh you probably wont ever need to say trans-man youll just say Steve or Joe or whomever.

Worth checking what pronouns they prefer. He/him, they/ them.

This!

You could send her parents a copy of Abigail Shrier’s book Irreversible Damage.
Also send them a copy of the Cass Review and the data linkage study from Finland.

Why?

When do you ever use someone's pronouns in front of them?

It's a shock to you, you may need a bit of time to let it all sink in

Unfortunately your niece is caught up in a wider movement which is being pushed by some aggressive activists. Some of them have already flooded in to this thread to berate you for not calling your niece your nephew and are dismissing your concerns about her mental and physical health. These people do not have you or your niece's best interests at heart

Stay in touch with your niece and treat her with love and gentleness. It might not be a good idea to challenge her on her views as the aggressive activists who are urging her forward are also encouraging young people to cut contact with family members who question trans ideology. So maybe steer clear of discussing it with her unless she herself voices doubts. Stay strong 💐

Shit! I'm living as a man! I dress in 'male identified (?!?) Clothes, at least I assume they are as they are from the menswear section, I'm known to some people as Bob. I once had to take hormones that permanently altered my voice and sent it more towards the male range. (And I spent my working life in construction).

Fuck.

🙄

It leaves you in a bit of a stuck position, I think that’s where the grief feeling comes from

Surely you'd treat the person, as you always have? Instead of using Sarah, you'll be using James. That's all the changes you need to make. You have no need to refer to him as 'transgender boy'.

No bat signal. The thread is in trending.

I bet you have hairy legs too!!!

You man you!!

So you think the fact that there are separate men’s and women’s clothing departments in department stores represents “regressive sex stereotypes? Do you think the clothes should be mixed together or that everyone should wear a beige jumpsuit or something?

I think you just have to refer to someone in the way they would prefer, unless there are safeguarding issues or similar - which it sounds as though there aren't.

Dresses, skirts, high heels. The go to of the modern trans woman (in my experience). I don’t wear any of these. Am I less of a woman?

People should be able to wear whatever they like. I
mainly wear trousers, does this make me a man? A man should be able to wear a dress if he wants, this doesn’t automatically make him a woman.

Beige jumpsuits for all 🫡.

Amen