Transgender niece

[Stargazelamb]

My niece lives in another country and I’ve just heard that she is becoming a he. She has changed her name, is taking hormone medication and now has facial hair. She is a transgender boy. However she sees herself as a boy. AIBU to think she will never be a biological boy and to refer to her as a transgender boy? I realise this could be an emotive topic.

Thank you.

It's abuse to affirm her nonsensical beliefs that may see her cutting off healthy body parts. I would not mention anything until it comes up but be clear if it does.

Your best bet is maybe to avoid the topic as much as possible.
Ask how they are getting in with studies, hobbies, what music they like.
Just keep it as an elephant in the room?

Obviously she’s not a boy. She’s a girl who has now been allowed to disrupt he natural hormones for no medical reason. I would be distancing myself from her parents who have allowed their perfectly healthy daughter to be dragged into a cult that in my view in not in the best interests of the child

I’d be happy to call James, James. But to reject material reality and be compelled to lie about who they are, or play along with delusion, that’s a firm no. There’s no love or respect in compelling someone to lie.

he’s 19 so parents have no control over this. This is more about respect than it is accepting whether or not you agree with transgender identity. I wouldn’t risk my relationship with a family member over pronouns and names. (Edited to add more)

I think not respecting his rights to be who he is, is incredibly abusive.

She is almost certainly a combination of, or has one of these features which is ASD, trauma, SA in her history

All the people that are keen to 'respect how this person wants to be referred to', they would be happy to go along with the lie of an anorexic who wants weight loss surgery, or weight loss injections, or to be referred to as overweight and obese?

Either of those things are a dick move

Poor girl. I hope someone has told her about all the issues that taking testosterone will cause her body.

infertility
vaginal atrophy
male pattern baldness
osteoporosis
Hair growth
irreversible voice change
issues arising from surgery eg bladder and colon incontinence

I imagine as he wishes to live his life as a man that he probably doesn’t care about his uterus or fertility.

I’ve listened to views. My niece had a somewhat abusive childhood. Could this be a manifestation of that? I’m really not being judgemental here, I’m trying to understand if this is an outlet, a bit like self harm or is this to do with sexuality?

How does one ‘live as a man’?

Many women who think they want to identify as male, still want children

Its why we have the nonsense of 'chest feeders' and 'pregnant people'

And men turning up to blood tests having to be asked 'is there any way you might be pregnant'

Would you agree with a skinny anorexic girl that she is fat? And help her throw her food in the bin?

My opinions on sex and gender wouldn’t change because of what a family member decides they want to do. Why should the OP suddenly accept something she fundamentally doesn’t believe just because of the beliefs of another. She can be kind and respectful without changing her own views

by dressing in male identified clothes, adopting a male name, taking hormones to ‘sound’ male etc.

I think it would be more useful to think about particular situations where it might matter and you’d be involved.
E.g name - I would use the name she preferred.
Could you think of anything else you’d need to do differently?

Of course you are not going to make statements about her life choices. No one does that.
I absolutely disagree with some of my nephew’s life approaches. Do I make statements? Not really.

The girl is 19. She has a life time of possible regrets in front of her.

I’d refuse to play that stupid game.

She’s still a girl whatever medication she takes or nonsense she spouts.

I’d be asking her why she thinks she wants to pretend to be a boy? What does she think it will achieve?

Yes, absolutely.

This is what I’m thinking, childhood trauma

I know it has been normalised in FWR, but it’s really offensive and transphobic to imply that being trans is “almost certainly” a result of trauma or abuse and to compare it to a serious and sometimes deadly mental illness.

Very much so

Therapy is needed

But everyone, in nearly every country is so captured by this nonsense that any therapy will be affirming and not really support the issues that caused this

Hence why 'trans' people have high levels of depression, MH issues, self harm etc because the real issues that cause their difficulty with identity are never explored and resolved for them

Its hugely harmful

And as an adult with adult decisions to make that is on him 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t see why anyone else should be concerned.