AIBU to refuse to move in my garden so that a neighbour's dog stops barking?

[Motnight]

I'm fairly certain I am not but my neighbour's attitude has made me wonder.

Earlier today, just after 7 am, I was sitting at the bottom of my garden on the bench drinking tea and just listening to the birds and looking at my flower bed. Our garden is that of a typical London Victorian terrace, surrounded on 3 sides by other gardens. I was probably 2 feet away from the fence separating our garden from opposite neighbours.

The neighbour's kids were out playing, Not particularly loudly but I could here them (I often do and it's not a problem at all, we are all living in close proximity, that's part and parcel of it). Suddenly their dog starts barking very loudly. It goes on for a couple of minutes. I then hear a male voice saying "is there anyone there?". I say, yes, your neighbour, hi (we've never spoken before). The man then says my dog is barking at you. He knows you are there. I don't know what to say so say nothing. The man adds can you move further up your garden please so my dog stops barking. I say, sorry, what did you say as I can't quite believe he is asking me to move. I have been completely quiet, minding my own business and just enjoying my garden. He repeats it. I say no, I am having my tea (!). He says, but your garden is as long as ours, there must be space for you to sit elsewhere, and if you don't move we will have to take the dog in. I reply, look I am sitting in my garden and I am going to stay here for as long as I want.

The man sighs loudly and says thank you for nothing, I'll return the favour some day. I hear a bit of rustling and muttering and then silence. Kids and dog and man have obviously gone back into the house. And I am left thinking WTF.

Your neighbour is an entitled twat. Good for you for not backing down. How dare he tell you where you should sit in your own garden.

Yes.

The owner's responsibility.

See there you go again. ‘One of them’. That would be the neighbour, surely? And he’d need to be extremely polite, in fact apologetic, about it wouldn’t he? Seeing as it’s his dog and, more importantly, he who has the issue with the barking and wants it to stop.

It’s really, really noticeable that you are not criticising the neighbour. You appear to be criticising the OP.

I get that you’re teamdog (on a thread that is not about the dog;nice one!), but can you please clarify? Are you criticising the OP, even just in a small way, and if so, what exactly for?

I quote, 'It is not about making nice. It is about explaining to the companion species we historically relied on to guard us.'

This was their explanation to the OP.

Diabolical 😂

What is it with people and their dogs lately? It never used to be like this, people are incredibly entitled.
My neighbours used to walk their dog every day at 5am and it would bark and bark and bark, speaking to them nicely several times, then shouting "shut that thing up!" out of the window at 5am, did not work. After reporting them to the council 3 times, we finally have our first summer of peace where I can wake up peacefully and hear the birds, instead of being jolted awake by that thing. Whether they've started walking it at a sensible time, or they've finally decided to give it some training, I couldn't tell you but I don't really care. That's their responsibility.

It really is a shame because I find myself liking dogs less than I used to because with the lack of training and entitled behaviour from owners, they're simply not as pleasant to be around.

The neighbour did not start the thread. OP presented a situation and apparently does not want any way to address it except perhaps to see vitriol heaped on the neighbour by strangers. And tacit agreement that dogs must be shut in rather than socialised. I find it upsetting to think of a sensitive animal doing its job according to nature, caught between two humans who can't be neighbourly.

How about tone policing the people being horrible about dogs?

If the neighbour had started the thread, it would be much worse for him.

Dog owners are the most selfish and entitled. I've even seen owners allowing their dogs to sit on seats on packed trains during peak hours.

I'm not a fan of dogs, as I find them unpleasant and dirty, but I can tolerate them if they are socialised.

My dogs know that if they don't stop barking after I've shouted "Hey! Stop That! I will march down the garden and fetch them in. I rarely need to go all the way down 😂 It only took a few occasions to cement the behavior.
My neighbour is one one of those completely ineffectual owners who stands on her doorstep calling in a high pitch squeak 'Fred, come!' but he almost never does. Just go and fetch him!

OK, I’m still having to work quite hard to work out what you think OP is doing wrong here, as you are still refusing to answer me directly or clearly about that, but you seem to think:

1. she doesn’t want any way to address the situation.

But she didn’t ask for a way to address it. She’s addressed it herself. The rudeness of the neighbour was her issue, remember

2. she just wants to see vitriol heaped on the neighbour

So what? People can ask for validation if they want. Let’s face it the neighbour is not a very sympathetic character here.

3. she wants tacit agreement that dogs should be shut in.

I can’t see where OP has indicated she thinks this. But if the alternative is anti social noise for others, she’d be well entitled to think it.

4. she’s not being neighbourly.

Now we’re getting to it. She’s not being neighbourly by sitting on a bench in her garden, doing nothing other than existing, and not moving a bench that she cannot physically move? I see, glad I’ve got to the bottom of it.

Sounds about par for the course. Our neighbour asked me not to use weedkiller on our brick paved driveway as their dogs "might go on there sometimes".
Being a friendly neighbour I acceded to their request and dug the weeds out by hand but in hindsight I think I got trampled over.

She shouldn't have to make friends with a dog to be able to sit in her garden!
It's the owner's responsibility to train the dog or if they can't take the barking dog indoors

Sadly this is the problem. It never used to be like this but it's why so many people complain about dogs now. It's not the dogs who are the problem it's the owners who behave as though their dogs welfare, comfort and right to enjoyments is more important than human beings rights and that is never the case. People are always more important than dogs.

Why should she do anything to address it though?
She was sitting quietly in her own garden drinking tea on a bench.
The dog started barking. The neighbour asked her to move. Did he expect her to move the bench to another spot to appease the dog? That might not be possible so should she sit on the grass with her tea? In a flower bed? Stand somewhere else to drink the tea?
She wasn't even complaining about the noisy barking dog she wasn't doing anything other than drinking tea !
It's for the neighbour to address it by training the dog or taking it in doors. It isn't OP's issue to address!

Explain it in terms it can understand? What if the dog doesn’t speak English? OP, do you speak any other languages? French maybe? Hungarian? 🤣

The pack animal could have been helped to understand you are no threat by its owner.
Or it could be bullied and put away for not being a robot with an off switch by its owner.

So you think its owner didn’t put sufficient effort into helping his dog understand that a woman sitting silently in a garden that is nothing to do with the dog is not someone the dog should be barking at? Agreed.

And you think the owner should not bully his dog, and that he should not put his dog away for not being a robot with an off switch? Also agree.

It’s so nice when we agree with each other isn’t it? 😆

I mean not being neighbourly to the dog.

I’ll assume you’re being serious, although I’m now having doubts.

She’s not being unneighbourly to the dog either, obviously, if all she is doing is sitting on a bench and not moving a bench which she can’t physically move.

I think I’m starting to see exactly where you’re coming from. I think you’re one of those people who thinks someone is a horrible person if they don’t rush to fawn over dogs at every opportunity. I can’t imagine any other reason for having anything against the OP. If that is what you think, I fundamentally disagree with you about it and am very happy to talk about it.

I have nothing against the OP and nothing further to add.

Sensible interspecies communication is all I am advocating, which might permit dog and humans to enjoy the garden.

Fawning is bad behaviour. What an idea.

Not the point of the thread but pouring boiling water on weeds in paved areas works really well.

Good tip, Thepossibility.

My husband makes a mixture of salt, vinegar, washing liquid and boiling water.
Into an old spray bottle or watering can.
Very effective for hardy weeds and paths.

The op was unneighbourly to the dog?? I’ve heard it all. Crack pot stuff.

How about the dog was being unneighbourly because of its shitty owner. The dog clearly needs to work on its inter species communication as its owner couldn’t understand it. Poor woofs he needs to try better to say take me inside owner the neighbour is trying to enjoy their bench.

🤣🤣🤣 🦇 💩

Can I just gently suggest that you don't use weedkiller regardless as it's very bad for pollinators such as bees and other wildlife such as foxes and hedgehogs.
As a PP suggested, boiling water works well.

My neighbour in my old house asked me not to use dog and cat repellent in my own garden as they have both. I was like "well yes, that's why I'm using it"

Stories like these just remind me how widely different people are (and often neighbours!!) Who on earth does he think he is asking you to move in your own garden - madness, you were quite right!!

I can assure you I'm very careful with the environment, I don't go blasting weedkiller all over the place, we have a garden full of birds and bees, the paved driveway is well away from all the green stuff and it's a big old job to do by hand!