AIBU to refuse weekly lifts to a neighbour's hospital appointments?

[IGotDreams]

We have lived in our house for 4 years and know the neighbours to say hello to, taken a parcel in for them occasionally, we chat sometimes but we don’t know them well. We are friendly but not friends. We are busy with work, kids and general life.

One of the neighbours has asked if we can take her to a hospital appointment once every week for the next 4 weeks. One of their adult children can apparently bring her home.

Technically we could do it if we moved things around without too much difficulty, but as we don’t know her well, we said no. She looked shocked when we said we couldn’t help and she walked away without saying goodbye.

I mentioned it to my parents in passing last week and they said I should have said I’d help but I explained we are busy and she can make other arrangements. When I spoke to my parents last night, they asked me if I had changed my mind and was going to help the neighbour out. I said no and that we hadn’t even thought/spoke about it since as we are busy. My mum said I should be willing to help people more. I disagreed. We are busy and have enough going on with our own family and friends and that the neighbours aren’t my responsibility. In my neighbours situation, I wouldn’t ask for help from neighbours who we hardly know.

Would you have helped? I won’t be changing my mind and helping but wondered if people would generally be more helpful than me. I did say to my parents that they could help my neighbours out if they wanted to but apparently it isn’t there place to. They said they would do it for their own neighbours if asked.

YANBU - I have done lots for my neighbours over the last 28 years, not one of them has helped us out in any way.

Also, there is no way I would expect my parent's neighbours to ferry them to hospital every week especially if they don't know them well, I would move all of my plans etc to do that myself or arrange for a taxi etc.

As a gesture of goodwill and to keep neighbourly relations amicable I think I would have compromised and said something like ‘I can do the first week but not the others, have you tried that local cab firm? They’re really good.’

I think a bit of a chit-chat back and forth about how to best help them would have been nicer than a flat no.

Having a good relationship with your NDN is pretty important.

I said context was everything. Perhaps the fact it was a 2hr round trip and the fact you are working all day could have been mentioned in post as it would have changed quite a few responses

We did play dates. I only looked after friends and family children as a favour though and never asked anyone for childcare that wasn’t friends, family or paid for.

Don’t offer ‘in an emergency’ because she may deliberately not arrange a lift…

Genuinely surprised by the amount of posters who'd be willing to rearrange their work schedule to drive a neighbour they don't know that well to a hospital an hour away. Do you really mean it or are you just saying it to make OP feel bad for saying no?

Cheeky F!
2 hours?? Damn cheek. To look shocked and walk off like that. Good for not being a pushover!

Taxis are expensive, not everyone can afford it.

OP did initially say that she could do it without too much difficulty.

A two hour round trip once a week for four weeks - that is a very big ask. I think maybe if the neighbour had told you the four dates and asked if you could do one of them that would have been more reasonable but still quite a big favour from someone she doesn't know well. Asking for all four sounds cheeky to me. She could ask you to do one, another neighbour to do another, arrange a taxi for another and a friend for another. I would have said no because I simply don't have two hours free in the day time. YANBU and your parents are being unreasonable to be telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing.

I would think lots of liars. Can’t imagine anyone with kids, school run, an actual job would fiddle and fart around with a 2 hour trip on a work day.
this is Mn though 😅

Wot I reckon is it's the naice equivalent of being a keyboard warrior

you mentioned it was an hours drive away so no I don’t think I could do that. I would have thought about it and I would help out a neighbour when possible. I would have been kinder in my reply to her. She is clearly very ill to have so many appointments and she must feel desperate to ask.

I think I’d try and investigate another solution for her.

Does she know that you work from home? She probably assumes you have lots of free time because your car is at your house during the day.

The neighbour was cheeky to ask for such a huge favour and very rude when you told her it wasn't possible. Why can't her children help? Why can't she pay for her own transport? Why can't she ask a friend?

Her ungracious response to you shows that she has no understanding or consideration. Her transport is not your responsibility and shouldn't guilt you when you said no.

What's the reason for a 60 year old being unable to get themselves to the hospital? Either drive, public transport or taxi?

I used my child's disability funding to pay for it.

I think two hours would be difficult for most people. If I could combine it with something else in the area then I might be able to do one or two of the weeks. It doesn't make sense for me to take time off work when the neighbour's child could take time off work though.

Because she hardly knows her neighbour and OP isn't a taxi driver.

Why on earth would the neighbour who hardly knows OP ask her to take her to a hospital appointment, not just once but four weeks' running? OP mentioned that this woman's adult child would give her a lift back so why can't they take her there as well? If they have other commitments, they should cancel them for their own mum.

A lot of people think that people who work from home aren't really working. I work from home, and while I can be flexible with my hours, I can't just randomly "pop out" for two hours to run an errand for someone else. Those who are saying that you should help her, how many of your work places would be happy with this?

Your hospital should have a patient transport service. This is usually run by volunteers. Why don't you pass on the details to your neighbour :)

You have no idea how desperate they are or if they just being cheeky because they don't want to pay for a taxi.

Some people just expect everything for free unfortunately and you don't know if they are really desperate or not.

Just because you are decent and wouldn't take advantage, it doesn't mean that others won't.

You must have read all the CF stories on here.

I was going by OP saying that it wouldn't be too difficult for her. She seems to have changed her story now though.

You should have said in your OP that it's a 2 hour round trip. It was really inappropriate of her to ask anyway and to be rude afterwards was awful. I'd do it for a good friend. Not for an acquaintance or for a neighbour I barely knew.

I'm only 5 years less than that. Is there some disability or something that means she can't get herself to places?

That's outrageous! A two hour round trip when you should be working? She's only in her 60s so should be capable or ordering an Uber.

If you do it , she might say " My appointment will only be half an hour . Why don't you get yourself a coffee and I;ll get a lift back with you ? I;ll just let Gavin know he doesn't need to collect me . As you're already here ......"

Parking ££
Coffee££
Sitting in a hospital with rubbish WiFi

A taxi often let's you down, is used by multiple people etc etc...

It's clearly not the same interchangeable thing. I would have done what I could to help and been super grateful for my own health.. what it must have taken to ask you 😔

Either way, I think the neighbour reaction showed OP did the right thing. Did she offer any petrol money OP?