Page 9 | To take an extra sibling if not allowed? Super Selective Grammar School visit.

NameChanger206 · 2026-06-19T06:33:48+00:00

DS is in year 5, currently preparing for 11 plus for grammar schools in Sutton. One of the schools has a ticketed visit early next week. both of us and DS1 want to see the school (if he gets offered a place it will be very difficult for us to decide having not all seen it) however we have no one to watch our younger DS (yr 2). It says 3 tickets per family, but I’m wondering if IWBU to bring DS2 as we are not sure how to handle it otherwise

Nearly50omg · Yesterday 20:44

If he’s 7 why can’t he sit in the car with an iPad?

Moonnstarz · Yesterday 21:15

Nearly50omg · Yesterday 20:44

If he’s 7 why can’t he sit in the car with an iPad?

This seems a really odd response. You wouldn't leave a young child in a car for 2 hours while the parents and older sibling all go off for the evening wandering round a school so completely out of sight!

notatinydancer · Today 00:26

NameChanger206 · Yesterday 20:08

I know that’s the thing. They aren’t trying to sell places and next week is the only chance to see the school. If he does pass the tests and gets offered the chance then they aren’t going to let us go for a tour later while deciding whether to put it as top choice. It’s a very different school to the local state so a big decision if it will be right for DS.

any way we’ve decided that just DH and DS will go, and then me and DS2 will wait outside (unless of course they let us in if we ask nicely).

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so you are going to ask them? Why would you go and wait outside ?
It will be boring for your 7 year old.
96% of people thought YABU , why bother asking ?

wrinklycactus · Today 06:44

NameChanger206 · Yesterday 20:08

I know that’s the thing. They aren’t trying to sell places and next week is the only chance to see the school. If he does pass the tests and gets offered the chance then they aren’t going to let us go for a tour later while deciding whether to put it as top choice. It’s a very different school to the local state so a big decision if it will be right for DS.

any way we’ve decided that just DH and DS will go, and then me and DS2 will wait outside (unless of course they let us in if we ask nicely).

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(unless of course they let us in if we ask nicely).

Don't ask them on the day to let you in with him. That is just really irritating to rock up with an extra child and ask. It's not going to look good on you and it's going to be annoying for them.

Just ring ahead and discuss it with them.

SweetnsourNZ · Today 06:49

NameChanger206 · Yesterday 07:42

This is what we were maybe thinking if they don’t let us in, though I think it’s a structured tour and talk so may not be easy to swap.

it’s too late in evening for a play date. And we’ve not used babysitting agencies before, just 8-6 wraparound etc. our usual family go have had recent health emergencies.

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Maybe this would be a good time to start. Your children are older and this would probably not be too long a visit.

BlueMum16 · Today 07:00

NameChanger206 · Yesterday 12:08

The thing is it’s not really an emergency, where of course we would ask neighbours or friends. DS (age 7) has friends he could go to for a play date but I feel quite cheeky asking late into evening (we would be back by 8pm) which is past bed time for some of his friends with younger siblings. There are mixed views on the grammar system amongst both friendship groups so it would be viewed as cheeky amongst those I could ask for other reasons.

ive never needed to use a babysitting agency before - do people really leave their kids with at hoc strangers, even for a few hours?

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Ask someone that works at the wrap around care you use.

You know them. They are not strangers. I'm sure you can pay someone for a couple of hours.

Or ring ahead and ask the school.

unicornpower · Today 07:50

I work at a school and we’ve just had our open evening, it’s really irritating when people ignore basic requests. We have a ticketing system because we are always oversubscribed and some families insist on bringing every single family member so we limit it to 3 tickets per family. We cannot allow extra siblings and have a maximum amount allowed in for the talks due to H&S. Just book onto another event for you or your husband. Or book a babysitter.

arethereanyleftatall · Today 07:56

Imagine putting a 7 year old through a completely boring and pointless 4 hour spectacle because you’re so entitled that rules can’t possibly apply to you.

Gettingaggy · Today 08:07

arethereanyleftatall · Today 07:56

Imagine putting a 7 year old through a completely boring and pointless 4 hour spectacle because you’re so entitled that rules can’t possibly apply to you.

Where on earth have you got 4 hours from?

arethereanyleftatall · Today 08:37

Gettingaggy · Today 08:07

Where on earth have you got 4 hours from?

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Valid point. It’s the just the length of time it took me. Drive, park, tour, drive back. Assumed drive as why would they ‘wait outside’ if they could walk home.

CarshaltonMum · Today 08:52

arethereanyleftatall · Today 07:56

Imagine putting a 7 year old through a completely boring and pointless 4 hour spectacle because you’re so entitled that rules can’t possibly apply to you.

We are going to 5 or 6 open evenings. We will take our DS to some of them (the ones that allow 4 tickets!) It won't be the most exciting evening for him, but it's hardly the end of the world. He'll take his book and read during the talk. DH and I would both like to see the schools, and we don't have easy babysitting for him every time.

I agree the OP should follow the rules, but it's hardly a spectacle!

Hadenough32 · Today 09:00

2 adults are not needed

arethereanyleftatall · Today 09:08

CarshaltonMum · Today 08:52

We are going to 5 or 6 open evenings. We will take our DS to some of them (the ones that allow 4 tickets!) It won't be the most exciting evening for him, but it's hardly the end of the world. He'll take his book and read during the talk. DH and I would both like to see the schools, and we don't have easy babysitting for him every time.

I agree the OP should follow the rules, but it's hardly a spectacle!

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My apologies for the ambiguity, I should have quoted - I was referring to the ops decision to all 4 go and just her and the younger child hang around outside the gates.
but actually thinking on it, it’s also valid anyway. Two parents going is essentially for the parents, it doesn’t help the child at all. The only person who needs to be there is the child as it’s their decision, maybe with a parent to guide them. So, two parents taking a younger child when there is nothing in it for them, is objectively a selfish thing to do. Like you say, it’s not the end of the world, and I’m sure the younger child will get over it, but it is objectively selfish.

MandemChickenShop · Today 09:19

Rules are for the guidance of the wise and the obedience of fools.

Take the sibling but make sure they behave, the school will be way too busy on the day to care

Original poster

NameChanger206 · Today 10:55

arethereanyleftatall · Today 09:08

My apologies for the ambiguity, I should have quoted - I was referring to the ops decision to all 4 go and just her and the younger child hang around outside the gates.
but actually thinking on it, it’s also valid anyway. Two parents going is essentially for the parents, it doesn’t help the child at all. The only person who needs to be there is the child as it’s their decision, maybe with a parent to guide them. So, two parents taking a younger child when there is nothing in it for them, is objectively a selfish thing to do. Like you say, it’s not the end of the world, and I’m sure the younger child will get over it, but it is objectively selfish.

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I disagree that a 10 year old should make the decision on what secondary school to go to. Their view should be a strong factor, but ultimately parents should make the final decision. They might want to go to a certain school just because a close friend is going (without looking at transport/logistics/school performance). We know what’s best for our 10 year old, or we will do once we’ve had a feel for the schools and know the outcome of his 11+ tests.

He can make final decision on what A Levels to do, University (or not) choices, etc, but at this age, no, we’ll decide thanks. ☺️

OP posts:

hallomynameisinigomontoya · Today 11:17

NameChanger206 · Today 10:55

I disagree that a 10 year old should make the decision on what secondary school to go to. Their view should be a strong factor, but ultimately parents should make the final decision. They might want to go to a certain school just because a close friend is going (without looking at transport/logistics/school performance). We know what’s best for our 10 year old, or we will do once we’ve had a feel for the schools and know the outcome of his 11+ tests.

He can make final decision on what A Levels to do, University (or not) choices, etc, but at this age, no, we’ll decide thanks. ☺️

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I was desperate to go to a Catholic secondary which got terrible results when I was 10 because that's where my best friend was going.
We're not Catholic, I would have hated that side of the school and it turned out that I'd fallen out permanently with that friend by the end of the summer before we started.
My parents definitely knew better than me 🤣 I stayed friends with a lot of local primary friends regardless of going to different schools, we still lived near each other.