To take an extra sibling if not allowed? Super Selective Grammar School visit.

[NameChanger206]

DS is in year 5, currently preparing for 11 plus for grammar schools in Sutton. One of the schools has a ticketed visit early next week. both of us and DS1 want to see the school (if he gets offered a place it will be very difficult for us to decide having not all seen it) however we have no one to watch our younger DS (yr 2). It says 3 tickets per family, but I’m wondering if IWBU to bring DS2 as we are not sure how to handle it otherwise

Don’t take the second child.
Do find an option for emergency and one off childcare. We didn’t have family close so used older teenagers, neighbours or the children of friends. Develop the kind of relationship with neighbours where you do this kind of thing for each other.

If it says three tickets per family then you should definitely respect that. I would not ask as the answer will be most probably be no. Besides you want to get off on the right foot with the school.

Just hire a local teenager.

Some people are so entitled. Imagine if everyone family turned up with an extra sibling.

This won’t be the only one. One of you go the next one.

Loads of y5 kids have a sibling that can’t be left without a sitter. 3 tickets mean they expect the applicant and 2 parents and will accept one parent bringing a non applicant child. They don’t expect families of 4+ as it will add literally hundreds of extra people. You have childcare - the other parent. If you can’t get a babysitter then only one of you can go. Most people would take their 7yo friend in the evening for a play date to help a siblings school visit (I’m assuming evening means it will be over by 9pm rather than midnight). Just ask one of his friends parents if they can have him after tea.

Don’t do it. It’s not fair to other families who also have to manage childcare difficulties, might have separated parents who both want to be involved in the choice etc.

and in my experience, younger siblings attending school tours often dominate - they want a cookie in food tech, have to be reminded not to touch the Bunsen burners, chat with their parents while another adult is asking the tour guide a question etc.

I'm not sure how the type of school is relevant?
I think it's rude and entitled to disobey the rules (whatever school it is) but all you can do is ring them and ask.

Ring. The. School.

They are the only ones who can tell you properly
if it’s ok or not. It’s highly likely not to be, so you need to find someone to babysit

Just ask the school. You would not be unreasonable to ask. You would be unreasonable to just turn up. There’s a reason why they’ve limited the number of tickets per family, so you can’t just ignore that.

You need to sort out childcare for your youngest for a couple of hours. This school event is important. The fact that you haven't done it before doesn't mean it is impossible. How about one of the carers from wraparound care?

Surely, only one parent needs to attend? I don’t think we both did secondary school open days.

If you show up with an extra bod and no extra ticket, the school will know immediately you are That Kind of Parent - the ones who only follow the rules when it's convenient. Is that the impression you want to give?

Would ring and ask, but to be honest open evenings generally suck. You get shown round by a Y9 or 10 student who doesn't really want to be there, but has been told it is compulsory... see a few carefully curated demos and exhibitions of work, whilst traipsing round shoulder to shoulder, and listen to a talk ( that will be packed, so your extra child may take a seat from someone else). Refreshments will be on sale to support a trip to Borneo to count orangutans whilst badly building a wall at a local school.

Most grammar schools are the same , you don't need both parents, you do need a plan B. Super selective are MASSively oversubscribed, selective are still oversubscribed. We saw the 5 local ones (after the first we didn't both go with Dd... good decision!) and Dd decided on one. Hated it, but persevered.

I definitely read it as a 2 year old (am in Scotland so my brain apparently read year 2 and made it into 2 year!) so was a bit sympathetic as finding a sitter for a toddler can be harder. Given your younger one is that old surely there's another parent who can help out for a couple of hours.

Either way though, the other parents will find this super annoying too. Am sure there are plenty of them who would have found it easier to bring a sibling along but instead had to compromise and pay for childcare or skip the visit themselves. Bad way to start in this community if you intend to join it.

Tell me your entitled without using the word entitled 😂

"Here are the rules/conditions"

"Oh but I cant do that because of ....... so il just ignore the rules/conditions and do my own thing"

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Doesn't your y2 child have a friend who can look after him for a couple of hours?

Otherwise I agree that both of you don't need to go. My eldest is at a super selective grammar. She did the exam during Covid and none of us ever looked round! It's been absolutely fine.

At what point did a set of instructions "These tickets are for three people - up to two parents and the prospective pupil" become a starting point for negotiations?
You already know the right thing to do - one of you stays at home with the younger child.

Looking at the school website, there are 2 open days next week. Couldn’t you go to one each?

if this is wilsons, we went last year and took a sibling. lots did - its hard to get a babysitter

Can you swap half way?

Call up the school and find out the timings ie when is the head’s talk, tour etc.

One of you waits at home or nearby with DS2 while the other hears the heads talk (or the tour whichever comes first) and then you meet at the gate and swap roles.

Was it ticketed last year, limited to three tickets?

yes ticketed and limited to 3 people. lots of parents turned up with siblings. i apologised at the door but they were totally fine with it. can answer questions if you want - my son is going to wallington now

No the younger sibling is in Year 2 - so aged 7 or 8. Still shouldn’t be going along, and arguably easier to find a babysitter for as you could ask a neighbour or friend you don’t know so well (harder with a toddler)

Well this time you can't. Unless you want to marked down as 'those parents'