To take an extra sibling if not allowed? Super Selective Grammar School visit.

[NameChanger206]

DS is in year 5, currently preparing for 11 plus for grammar schools in Sutton. One of the schools has a ticketed visit early next week. both of us and DS1 want to see the school (if he gets offered a place it will be very difficult for us to decide having not all seen it) however we have no one to watch our younger DS (yr 2). It says 3 tickets per family, but I’m wondering if IWBU to bring DS2 as we are not sure how to handle it otherwise

dont be ridiculous - the events are not busy in any case. its more than fine to take a sibling. some people had brought multiple siblings. its a massive commitment to undertake the Sutton test, i think you are wise to both go

Knowing the school and the area there is no way that other people will leave their younger children at home. If you stick to the rules you will be annoyed by this fact 😁

I think one of you goes and takes notes and then discuss later. Do you not trust each other? How much of a say does your son get?

YABU to break the rules and you run the risk of one of you getting turned away anyway.

Exactly! We went to a super selective grammar school open day recently. It took place during the school day, so we just took DS1 as siblings were at school and then in clubs afterwards. This didn’t stop some families rocking up with both parents and numerous siblings, including babies in pushchairs! It’s unnecessary and not fair on anyone - the younger kids will be bored and restless, and others in the tour group will find it harder to concentrate. They also have things like experiments set up in science labs which could be dangerous with little ones around unless the parent is 100% focussed on them - in which case of course they are not listening to the tour guide!

If both parents are available, one needs to stay at home with the sibling(s) or you get a babysitter.

Call them and explain your situation. If it’s still a no then you can’t take your other child.

Surely you have a friend who can babysit for a couple of hours in an emergency? This is a serious reason, not a cinema date

I don’t understand the other posters. It’s your younger child, of course you should bring him. Not everyone has childcare at the click of their fingers. Take him, what are they going to say?

FFS just call the school and ask.

We run events like this. Not grammar but secondary.

The number limits/tickets are based on the hall size...for headteachers speech due to capacity/fire regs. We are limited here. But tours..Meh...

So ask. Say happy for only 1 adult and eldest to listen to head's talk, but is it OK if second DC joins for tour.

IMHO the tour is the most important bit.

If you really must both attend then I would take the younger child with you. One adult takes the eldest in to the start of the open evening, other takes the youngest for a walk in Mellows Park. Swap over halfway.

It would be inconsiderate to take your youngest and you should avoid it, but you can disregard the pp implying that it would affect your eldest's chances of getting a place. Those people don't understand how state school admissions work.

I do not know the school but I was thinking the same thing; OP is going to get there and find whole tribes! Such is life.

Even the last session ends at 6.45, I would argue that as a one off for an exceptional reason that's not too late for a playdate if you explained the circumstances. My daughter is year 2 and if one of the friends parents approached me in your shoes I would agree to keep them until they could collect - I might suggest they brought some PJs so that they could get changed when my DD did and they could do something quiet and calming as the evening wore on.

However, even if we assume you really don't have a single option that includes anyone else stepping in to help, there are 3 time slots listed and only the last ones are sold out, presumably as it's more popular with work hours. One of you could go earlier while DC2 is in wrap around care still, or you could tag team and do back to back sessions while one waits outside with DC2, or you could each go on a different evening.

It feels like you're being a bit defeatist about it all, and are expecting the school to accommodate you because it makes your life easier rather than actually putting any effort into resolving the situation yourself.

We have twins and when visiting secondaries some had a 3 tickets limit per family, we asked in advance if we could have an extra one as 2 children applying and every time were told that it was absolutely fine, to just turn up on the day with only the 3 tickets. No school cared about us having an extra child with us so I think you’ll be fine.

One parent takes the child if you can’t get a babysitter. Absolutely do NOT turn up with the extra child, you will not be permitted to take them in (tours will be at full capacity).

Also bad idea to swap out half way.

Best thing would be for second parent to arrange ticket to solo tour in another day.

Could you call them and ask??

I also wouldn’t use a babysitting service in this case as we’ve never used one and it’s not fair one the younger child.

are there any local friends that would watch them? If not then only 1 can go I guess.

it’s tricky. We both work and have to tag team for things like this as we both can’t go to everything. Are there no other opportunities to visit another time?

Don’t take the younger one. Open days can be really boring for the actual year 5 child looking at the school. I’ve been to a few where the prospective child looks absolutely bored out of their brains. A younger child is just going to be a distraction.

I would ask them. It may be there are a fair few people only using 2, and then they're happy for you to have an extra as long as the younger one behaves appropriately and is removed if he doesn't.

If they say no, then either one stays home and the other records any talks (sound only) to listen back, or just reports back fully.

Or one sits in the car with younger sibling and a tablet and tags in at various points so they can see too.

Well, apparently despite it being ticketed to three, everyone just ignores that and does exactly what they want anyway. Says it all about the sort of parents sending their children to these schools.

Both parents don’t go in this situation.
I just left siblings with my husband and to just the child.
Most there will be 1 parent and 1 child, some with a younger sibling too. They’ll probably tell you one has to wait outside with younger child.

You won’t be the only parents with this dilemma.
The school will be selective in all sorts of ways I suspect. Do not try to embarrass a member of staff by turning up with her.

Contact the school and ask for an additional visit on top of the planned tour, so the parent who stays with younger DC can go to that. It’s not quite the same, but would be a good idea to see the school on a “normal” day too.

Only one parent go ?

Phone them up and ask them 🤷‍♀️ If they say no, there’s your answer.

You could leave him in the car with a coke and a packet of crisps like when parents went to the pub in the olden days!

I think you need to expand your support network.

I live in Sutton borough and suggest that you don’t piss the school off by doing something that they have specifically asked you not to do.

The competition is so incredibly fierce and you are not the only family with siblings.

Get a babysitter.

A 7 year old will be bored silly at a secondary school open day. So you won't both be able to focus on it as one of you will end up having to spend all your time keeping his amused.

Ask the parent of a friend to take him (I don't believe a school has organised an Open Day at a time that's "too late"), or one of you stay at home.

I used to work in a popular secondary school its ticketed for crowd control, insurance purposes.
Other siblings are often noisy, disruptive, take focus away from the purpose of the visit.

sorry but lots of families have childcare issues, if even 50% of families ignore the ticketing rules and bring an extra child (or 2) suddenly the venue is over capacity and uninsured and lots of families complain about the overcrowding. The whole experience then becomes negative for everyone!

Competition is fierce but taking the sibling or not, and pissing off the school or not, will make absolutely no difference to the older child's chances of a place.